Starrs Posted August 10, 2021 Share Posted August 10, 2021 i have been talking with a guy i met off FB dating he’s 23 i’m 21. so the age isn’t a big deal for me but he lives an hour and 30 from me i have seen him 3 times. the first 2 times my friend drove and the last time it was me since he got into an accident. the 2 times we slept together but no sex he knows i am not interested in it until getting serious. so he messaged me the first day of vacation he said “good morning, the weather in Fl is soo hot rn lol” i replied and we pretty much talked all day. he said goodnight and now it has been 3 days since he hasn’t talked to me. i don’t want to message because i don’t wanna sound needy and he has been posting stories on snapchat so clearly he has connection. i don’t understand why he can’t check up on me since we were talking everyday. is he not interested? should i block him? he told me we will meet the weekend after he comes back because his car will most likely be ready and he said he’s excited to see me and go on a date. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted August 11, 2021 Share Posted August 11, 2021 (edited) Let him be on vacations. You have no control over how he feels, what he does, if he's losing interest or not. Texting him will not change anything for him. He's enjoying himself. Posting on snapchat has nothing to do with taking time to send a text. Also he may be posting these with people around him and he's not interested in texting you with people looking over his shoulder. I know because when I was on vacation everybody vacationing with me wanted to check my dating profile so I appeared online but I was not. I was so busy I could only check my phone late at night when I was in bed and sometimes I was too tired to even do that. Edited August 11, 2021 by Gaeta 1 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted August 11, 2021 Share Posted August 11, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, Starrs said: should i block him? he told me we will meet the weekend after he comes back because his car will most likely be ready and he said he’s excited to see me and go on a date. Bolded, why isn't this good enough? And why in the world are you even considering blocking him? What are you expecting after only 3 dates? Agree with Gaeta, let the man be and enjoy his vacation. Let him miss you and be excited to see you again this weekend. Edited August 11, 2021 by poppyfields 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Starrs Posted August 11, 2021 Author Share Posted August 11, 2021 11 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Bolded, why isn't this good enough? And why in the world are you even considering blocking him? What are you expecting after only 3 dates? Agree with Gaeta, let the man be and enjoy his vacation. Let him miss you and be excited to see you again this weekend. we haven’t exactly had an official “date” at first i was pushing him to my friend but then i started liking him. the first meetup was a distaster, then the next meeting we had some alone time and talked a lot and we seemed to have a connection. the 3rd time i drove to his apartment on my own and we had dinner at his place and i spent the night because the drive is far and it was late. and im most likely “expecting” communication from him because we texted almost everyday. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted August 11, 2021 Share Posted August 11, 2021 (edited) [] If he’s snapping and doing social media and not contacting you, I don’t think that bodes well, but it sounds like you guys haven’t had much contact or dates so it might be salvageable. Jw did you sleep together? Edited August 11, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Off topic Link to post Share on other sites
Author Starrs Posted August 11, 2021 Author Share Posted August 11, 2021 2 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: Jw did you sleep together? we slept in the same bed twice lol since i stayed over twice but NO sex. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted August 11, 2021 Share Posted August 11, 2021 1 minute ago, Starrs said: we slept in the same bed twice lol since i stayed over twice but NO sex. Okay well then I’d say you guys are definitely more in the casual realm so it’s very possible for his interest to increase a lot, just keep doing you and leave him alone and have a good next date!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 11, 2021 Share Posted August 11, 2021 (edited) You can count on both hands how many hours you have spent with this man - as such, he has no obligation to contact you while on vacation. Sit tight, let him enjoy his vacation, and let him contact you when he returns home. Consider this a pause - if he is interested, he will pick things up when he returns home. Or - you could send him a text to ask how his vacation went when you know he is home… and then, wait for him to take it from there. PS. Why are you sleeping in the same bed with a man that is a virtual stranger - and then telling him that you don’t want sex? First, you don’t know this man well… you should not be sleeping in his bed. And second, grown men generally expect sex when a woman agrees to come to their place and sleep in their bed. You are playing a dangerous game here - be very, very careful! Edited August 11, 2021 by BaileyB 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Starrs Posted August 11, 2021 Author Share Posted August 11, 2021 15 minutes ago, BaileyB said: You can count on both hands how many hours you have spent with this man - as such, he has no obligation to contact you while on vacation. Sit tight, let him enjoy his vacation, and let him contact you when he returns home. Consider this a pause - if he is interested, he will pick things up when he returns home. Or - you could send him a text to ask how his vacation went when you know he is home… and then, wait for him to take it from there. PS. Why are you sleeping in the same bed with a man that is a virtual stranger - and then telling him that you don’t want sex? First, you don’t know this man well… you should not be sleeping in his bed. And second, grown men generally expect sex when a woman agrees to come to their place and sleep in their bed. You are playing a dangerous game here - be very, very careful! i slept there because i was tired and we NEEDED alone time since we didn’t get it with my friends being there. and i mean he told me he’s looking for this to turn into a relationship. i told him in bed if ur not looking for anything i’m gone. and he said he’s not wasting my time but i’ll talk to him again when i see him in person. Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted August 11, 2021 Share Posted August 11, 2021 (edited) 2 hours ago, Starrs said: i have been talking with a guy i met off FB dating he’s 23 i’m 21. he told me he’s looking for this to turn into a relationship. May I be blunt? He's 23, take what he said about wanting this to turn into a "relationship" with a grain of salt. You're only 21 so may be too young to understand that but at 23, he's no where near ready to be in an exclusive relationship, imho. I hope I'm wrong, but stick to your boundaries and agree with Bailey, do not be sleeping in his bed if you don't want sex, that's just asking for trouble. Sleep on the couch if you're too tired to drive home. Stay aware and learn to protect yourself. Edited August 11, 2021 by poppyfields 2 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted August 11, 2021 Share Posted August 11, 2021 2 hours ago, Starrs said: i have been talking with a guy i met off FB dating he’s 23 i’m 21. so the age isn’t a big deal for me but he lives an hour and 30 from me i have seen him 3 times. the first 2 times my friend drove and the last time it was me since he got into an accident. the 2 times we slept together but no sex he knows i am not interested in it until getting serious. so he messaged me the first day of vacation he said “good morning, the weather in Fl is soo hot rn lol” i replied and we pretty much talked all day. he said goodnight and now it has been 3 days since he hasn’t talked to me. i don’t want to message because i don’t wanna sound needy and he has been posting stories on snapchat so clearly he has connection. i don’t understand why he can’t check up on me since we were talking everyday. is he not interested? should i block him? he told me we will meet the weekend after he comes back because his car will most likely be ready and he said he’s excited to see me and go on a date. No, it is too early to tell and he’s on vacation. I’m curious about the suggestion to block him. You seem very nervous overall. I reserve blocking for purely offensive or intrusive individuals who have no sense of privacy or respect for others so it’s few and far between for me. Slow down and plan your dates a bit better. See each other earlier in the day and make enough time to drive home safely. 1.5hr is not feasible for some but you appear willing to make that sacrifice for a little driving and long distance. Or are you? Be clear about what you’re willing to put up with. He hasn’t driven out to see you. So hopefully things will feel less imbalanced once his car is fixed and he can drive out to spend time with you. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 11, 2021 Share Posted August 11, 2021 49 minutes ago, Starrs said: he said he’s not wasting my time but i’ll talk to him again when i see him in person. When you say "I'll talk to him again" Do you mean have a friendly catch up? Or hashing out expectations? Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 11, 2021 Share Posted August 11, 2021 6 minutes ago, basil67 said: When you say "I'll talk to him again" Do you mean have a friendly catch up? Or hashing out expectations? Or maybe, plan another date… hopefully without friends this time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 11, 2021 Share Posted August 11, 2021 3 hours ago, Starrs said: he said goodnight and now it has been 3 days since he hasn’t talked to me. Is he the one who usually initiates, or do you sometimes reach out too? Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted August 11, 2021 Share Posted August 11, 2021 Chill out. He told you he'd meet up with you the weekend he got back and is excited to see you. I'd wait and let him contact you then. It's normal for many people that when they leave their routine lives to travel it throws them into a different mindset. Everything around them is new and different, which take mental and emotional energy; their focus changes. If you'd had a long term dating R together the bond would be deeper so that your communication would most likely stay fairly consistent. But, since you haven't much history to your R with him it's not as much a focus for him when he's in an unfamiliar environment. That doesn't mean he's not interested in getting to know you better. That said, it's understandable, to me, that you, in your normal environment and accustomed to texting and talking with him, would be missing him. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 11, 2021 Share Posted August 11, 2021 (edited) Good heavens. There is so much wrong here. 1. If you have no interest in sex, stay the heck out of the guy's bed. Seriously, if you crawl into bed with a man you are not going to sleep with you are a tease. Plain ^ simple. Don't do that. 2. Why would you get into a bed with a man you are not dating? Your actions did not convey you want a serious relationship. Rather they scream quite the opposite. You driving to him eating in his apartment & sleeping there are teaching him that he does not have to make an effort. If you anticipated being too tired to drive 1.5 hours home you should have left earlier or drank coffee / soda / caffeine . If it really was unavoidable, you should have slept on the couch. 3. Him calling you / texting you all day is a BAD thing this early on. It gives a false sense of intimacy. It also makes me wonder if either of you have a life. Don't you have jobs where you can't be on the phone all day? Now that he's on vacation & in the swing of things he's having fun. It's only been 3 days. that is not an eternity. Just because we have the ability to stay connected 24/7 does not mean we have the obligation to do so. Comment on one of his snap chats or send him a text but it you aren't willing to reach out & initiate you can't sit there & complain when he's not doing all the work. 4 The idea that you are thinking about blocking him at this point is childish. Adults communicate. They don't pout. Edited August 11, 2021 by d0nnivain 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Starrs Posted August 11, 2021 Author Share Posted August 11, 2021 (edited) 11 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: Good heavens. There is so much wrong here. 1. If you have no interest in sex, stay the heck out of the guy's bed. Seriously, if you crawl into bed with a man you are not going to sleep with you are a tease. Plain ^ simple. Don't do that. 2. Why would you get into a bed with a man you are not dating? Your actions did not convey you want a serious relationship. Rather they scream quite the opposite. You driving to him eating in his apartment & sleeping there are teaching him that he does not have to make an effort. If you anticipated being too tired to drive 1.5 hours home you should have left earlier or drank coffee / soda / caffeine . If it really was unavoidable, you should have slept on the couch. 3. Him calling you / texting you all day is a BAD thing this early on. It gives a false sense of intimacy. It also makes me wonder if either of you have a life. Don't you have jobs where you can't be on the phone all day? Now that he's on vacation & in the swing of things he's having fun. It's only been 3 days. that is not an eternity. Just because we have the ability to stay connected 24/7 does not mean we have the obligation to do so. Comment on one of his snap chats or send him a text but it you aren't willing to reach out & initiate you can't sit there & complain when he's not doing all the work. 4 The idea that you are thinking about blocking him at this point is childish. Adults communicate. They don't pout. you’re right but this is kinda my fault because before his accident he was gonna drive to me and i was scared to meet him. then he got into an accident, i know i’m doing things wrong and i shouldn’t have gotten naked in his bed but it’s already done! is it worth texting him happy bday? he told me he’s coming to see me 2 times when gets his car back to make it up to me. Edited August 11, 2021 by Starrs 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 11, 2021 Share Posted August 11, 2021 12 hours ago, Starrs said: and im most likely “expecting” communication from him because we texted almost everyday. But now he is on vacation enjoying time with his friends. Surely you understand that and 3 days isn't that long. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 11, 2021 Share Posted August 11, 2021 You got in his bed naked with no intention to have sex? What were you thinking? You really must stop that kind of behavior. Have sex or don't but if you are not DTF keep your clothes on & stay vertical. It's just common sense & common courtesy to not be a tease. If you want this . . . whatever you are doing . . .to progress, do text Happy Birthday. Why wouldn't you? Out of spite because he's not all over you while on vacation? That is not a good plan. Be nice. See what happens when he gets home. He told you he would see you this weekend. It's already Wednesday. Just be patient. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 11, 2021 Share Posted August 11, 2021 16 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: 3. Him calling you / texting you all day is a BAD thing this early on. It gives a false sense of intimacy. It also makes me wonder if either of you have a life. Don't you have jobs where you can't be on the phone all day? I agree. If someone expected me to text them all day I would guess that person doesn't have a life of their own and nothing to do. That would turn me off. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
cleverusername Posted August 11, 2021 Share Posted August 11, 2021 (edited) Guy here, I do this. When someone I'm dating is on vacation I tell them to enjoy it and I'll talk to them when they get back. When I'm on vacation I tell them I will contact them when I get back.... You're reading too much into it. The only thing texting him will do is drive him away, take his word for it. He doesn't follow through, next him. That simple. Just tell him, "hope vacation is going well, take lots of pictures for me! We can look at them over coffee" Edited August 11, 2021 by cleverusername 3 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 11, 2021 Share Posted August 11, 2021 I get the radio silence that some people will insist on whilst on holiday, but what is confusing here is that the first day of vacation he was super communicative with the OP then nothing and he has been MIA now for 3 days... Why? Something's up IMO... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Starrs Posted August 11, 2021 Author Share Posted August 11, 2021 16 minutes ago, cleverusername said: Guy here, I do this. When someone I'm dating is on vacation I tell them to enjoy it and I'll talk to them when they get back. When I'm on vacation I tell them I will contact them when I get back.... You're reading too much into it. The only thing texting him will do is drive him away, take his word for it. He doesn't follow through, next him. That simple. Just tell him, "hope vacation is going well, take lots of pictures for me! We can look at them over coffee" does that mean i should not text him happy bday? his bday is friday Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 11, 2021 Share Posted August 11, 2021 5 minutes ago, elaine567 said: I get the radio silence that some people will insist on whilst on holiday, but what is confusing here is that the first day of vacation he was super communicative with the OP then nothing and he has been MIA now for 3 days... Why? Something's up IMO... I think what's up is he's having a damn good time and not thinking about her. Which is normal when on vacation and not in a serious relationship. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 11, 2021 Share Posted August 11, 2021 1 minute ago, Starrs said: does that mean i should not text him happy bday? his bday is friday If you text him, do it with the expectation that he will not reply. He is on vacation - busy with other things. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts