15 year marriage with 2 kids gone down the drain

[glows]

9 minutes ago, Sand__ra said:

Yes it fades, but it comes back every time I see her in person.
Getting rich so I can buy my own place, a nice car and go out a lot, I need that freedom. My hands are tied at the moment, most of my coworkers and friends are married, therefore they don't go out that much. Fortunately, I'm changing jobs, and hopefully I shall meet more people.
I want to date so I can forget about her. I just can't stand the vision of her with some other guy and I'm afraid that she lowers her standards and gets involved with some low value man.
She used to be really attached to me and I was used to get that attention, I got used to it and that's probably why I took her for granted. Unfortunately I'm one of those that feels much more secure and confident when I feel loved and wanted, my performance at work improves as well.
I've realized that she values family more than anything, when she was attached to me before she had kids, she was actually attached to her future children. She was probably expecting that my fatherhood skills would match her motherhood skills, but I'm not like that, and she had plenty of time (8 years at least) to get to know me.

Changing jobs may also change your outlook. And if you move, you may feel differently about the people you associate with or who you choose to date.

There's a lot influx or changing, lots of changes after something like divorce. You may feel differently about yourself too and the way you think of this marriage. Work on you in the meantime and I agree meeting new people is a good idea.

Unfortunately the flip side is that partners will realize when they're a rebound and you may outgrow any relationships you start now when you're not fully over your ex.

 

[CM71]

I went through something similar. Met my now ex-wife in 2005. She had 2 small kids and their dad took off and moved across the country.  We dated 4 years and then were married.  After 8 years of marriage and me raising her kids she had an affair and left me for an old boyfriend she dated 26 years earlier.  I was shattered and tried to work it out.  She wanted no part in that.  She married the guy the day after our divorce was final.  I met a great woman and have been with her since then.  I had no contact with her for 4 years and recently had to meet up with her to sign a real estate document.  I found out she left the guy 3 different times and is now divorcing him.  She said I was the best thing that ever happened to her and she regrets everything.  She asked of I was still with my girlfriend and if I'm happy.  Of course I said yes.  A part of me feels vindicated but I have to admit that many feelings resurfaced, feelings from sadness, anger, and even love.  I told her I forgave her and wish only the best for her.  I never got any therapy but sometimes feel I should have.  It's all very sad.  The grass usually isn't greener and I think about what could have been.  I know she does as well.  I think we had a very good marriage but she just got caught up in an emotional affair and threw everything we had away.

[glows]

54 minutes ago, CM71 said:

I went through something similar. Met my now ex-wife in 2005. She had 2 small kids and their dad took off and moved across the country.  We dated 4 years and then were married.  After 8 years of marriage and me raising her kids she had an affair and left me for an old boyfriend she dated 26 years earlier.  I was shattered and tried to work it out.  She wanted no part in that.  She married the guy the day after our divorce was final.  I met a great woman and have been with her since then.  I had no contact with her for 4 years and recently had to meet up with her to sign a real estate document.  I found out she left the guy 3 different times and is now divorcing him.  She said I was the best thing that ever happened to her and she regrets everything.  She asked of I was still with my girlfriend and if I'm happy.  Of course I said yes.  A part of me feels vindicated but I have to admit that many feelings resurfaced, feelings from sadness, anger, and even love.  I told her I forgave her and wish only the best for her.  I never got any therapy but sometimes feel I should have.  It's all very sad.  The grass usually isn't greener and I think about what could have been.  I know she does as well.  I think we had a very good marriage but she just got caught up in an emotional affair and threw everything we had away.

That is very sad but also good of you to have moved on and found someone else who can make you happy. Thankfully the both of you didn't have kids.