Fell for a girl who turned out to be active on seeking arrangements

[SoloSilk]

I've never been someone who enjoys superficial sexual relationships, as I enjoy deeper meaningful connections and lengthy tantric style intimacy. I've never had a one night stand or sleep with people on the first date. I'm attracted to a very specific type of person, and I'm always careful who I connect with as I try not to sleep with people who easily give away their bodies. The two of us had an incredible amount of extremely rare shared interests/views and the dates, conversations and sex were some of the most intense experiences i've ever had. In terms of laying the foundation for a true connection I really did everything perfectly, and it was apparent in her mannerisms. Im 28 and she was 20. I don't seek younger people as there are usually no similarities, but this just kind of happened.

Today after a full day of outdoor activities, and staying up until 5 am "making love", she admits to me she has just started meeting older men and making $250-$350 for sex, and asks my opinion on it. Her first time doing it was the day before we had sex for the first time, and her second time was tonight after leaving our 24 hour hangout. Internally my heart dropped, but outwardly I didn't offer too much or show any emotion. I mainly just said "You're gonna do you" with a slight smirk, went for a swim in the ocean and then came back and called her a taxi. The only point I made to her is "I appreciate your honesty, and what you did before you met me isn't as big a deal, but I don't know why you would think I'd want to be with someone who put a monetary value on giving away their body and energy to gross people" (she said the first person was kinda gross). This isn't exact. It was very difficulty to react when your heart has been hit and your voice wants to shake, this summed up the brief conversation we could muster. She looked very sad but left and I suppose was unwilling to not follow down the path of prostitution.

I did not shame her or tell her outright how to use her body, I simply made it clear that if she continued this kind of lifestyle we could not be together. I'm not one for stigmatizing sex workers, she's not a vulnerable economically disenfranchised person. She quit her decent paying manager job (decent at 20 years old) a few days ago to start this path. I don't see how condoning a young girl just starting down a dark and disposable lifestyle is socially encouraged. (50 year old men praying on vulnerable people). All forms of exploitation deeply pain me. I told her whatever happened before we had sex did not matter, but I would not be with someone actively living that life. She had an out but chose to go for her second meeting with a new man tonight, and continue down this path. She had some past traumas that I don't know the details of, but I still felt a tremendous love for her being and held nothing of her past against her. But tonight is the present and her decision, while I will never tell her, is still allowed to hurt me.

$300 is such a meager sum to be with people you find unattractive. I have a pretty significant net worth through investments I made five years ago. I only own a motorcycle right now (which I took her on), as i've been living an active bachelor life. After meeting her I decided to buy a Mustang GT yesterday so we could take some road trips to nice places (I don't want a super flashy car), I was gonna surprise her on Monday. I would never tell her about having money, but rather wanted to build up novel experiences together. She has no idea, all she saw was I had some money, I'm tall and handsome, extremely muscular, and quite charismatic and yet she still believed giving her body to fat old men was the best choice. I know its cringey including my characteristics, but my point in mentioning these superficial qualities was to emphasize my gut-wrenching disillusionment for the fact that even meeting a certain physical, lifestyle and financial attractiveness and sharing a deep spiritual connection wasn't enough compared to a $300 load from an old man. I honestly don't want to live in this society anymore.

 

Edited August 13, 2021 by SoloSilk
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[SoloSilk]

I realized I didn't ask a question but simply seeking support for my heart or whether I did the right thing. I've been in a 6 year relationship and 2 year relationship, while this was only a month the disillusionment hurts all the same.

[SoloSilk]

I of course never offered money (not that you said that, but just to be clear). She didn't outright say she was continuing but it was implied by her leaving to go to her evening meet up. I was firm, but calm in my demeanour that it is a deal breaker. I simply cannot understand how something like what we experienced could still fail from such a depressing, dark and avoidable path. I've had loving relationships fail and have gained a tremendous amount of growth from the lessons. But with this I feel the emotional turmoil has completely shattered my faith and worldview and I really am not understanding this experience.

Edited August 13, 2021 by SoloSilk

[glows]

Treat this as you’re both not as compatible as you thought. It’s disappointing and also risky. You should get checked for STDs regardless of any dates or timelines. She may have forgotten details or neglected to disclose other encounters , even of the non-monetary/transactional kind. 

Connections is a loose term to suggest casual encounters and casual sex/no strings attached. 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, SoloSilk said:

 this was only a month .

Ok she's a sex worker. A month of tantric sex doesn't change that.

How did you meet? Just let go rather than cringing.

It's ok to be put off by this so why pretend to be cool with it? Get tested for STDs and be more careful about who you have sex with.

[Mrin]

This would be a deal breaker for me 

[ExpatInItaly]

She is prostituting herself, OP. That is not a judgement, either. Sex for money = prostitution. 

She's a grown adult and if that's what she chooses for herself and both parties are consenting, then hey, have at it. However, it is absolutely fair to let her go for it. Most men would not be okay with this, for good reason. I will say, though, that this is not the only area where you two were not compatible:

3 hours ago, SoloSilk said:

I know its cringey including my characteristics, but my point in mentioning these superficial qualities was to emphasize my gut-wrenching disillusionment for the fact that even meeting a certain physical, lifestyle and financial attractiveness and sharing a deep spiritual connection wasn't enough

It appears you viewed this fledlging relationship a lot more seriously than she did, and while you highly value the spirtual connection you thought you were bulding, well, it wasn't the same for her. I don't think this was mutual, much as you might have believed it was. A young woman looking for a more serious relationship would not then turn around to make money for sex. I believe she liked you and was having fun with you but was not as serious about it as you were. It seems your expectations for this relationship were sky-high, maybe too high relative to how long you've known her. 

And you're right, it can be a slippery slope for people who get started in this world. I actually know a man who does this, for older and rich ladies (and yes, sometimes men, too) He started out young to supplement his income while in school. Now it's largely what he does. His "day job" is only a fraction of his earnings. He makes bank doing this, and has been at it for maybe the last 10 or so years. I don't know when he'll give it up, he's completely addicted to the money he makes. Very few people know the truth about where his money comes from, who funds his trips, his car, his nice apartment. He doesn't have a partner and doesn't want one. This young lady might wind up the same way, 

Disappointing, but very good that she told you now. Get yourself tested for STIs/HIV. You don't know how honest she's been about the number of men she's been with and whether she's used protection. You don't know where these "old" dudes have dipped their wicks before, and your health is not the worth the risk.

Edited August 13, 2021 by ExpatInItaly

[Interstellar]

it’s great to find that one person in the world to connect with. oh, what a feeling. especially in the early stages when those endorphins are kicking in and it’s giving you this mad rush. love is a drug my friend. you should’ve given her  the hard interview. because your health may be affected. how long has she really been doing it. how many guys she’s been doing it. who got her into this. what made her do it. when did she start doing this. has she always wanted to do this.  what  her family is like. are her parents still together. has she been abuse as a kid. if she did then you reallly have to let her go unless you want to play shrink for the rest of your life and miss out on other amazing women. because if she came from a normal, psychologically stable family she won’t be doing this. 

reality is you really don’t know this girl. she’s a stranger.  she said she quit her high paying job but that’s what she’s telling you. and she’s only 20. how high paying of a job is that. is that what she told you too. first thing you should do is get check for std’s. then second, if she continues with this path is get rid of her. forever. and the third thing you should do is to not allow your interest level to get super high in the beginning stages of dating. fourth is to not fall in love with 20 year olds or younger women. just date and have fun with them.

women will always throw you curveballs. but this one is a dealbreaker.  it’s a strikeout.

Edited August 13, 2021 by Interstellar

[Weezy1973]

So you basically told her if she continued to do it, the relationship with you would be over. And then she chose to continue to do it. Maybe your “connection” was more ons sided than you thought?

[basil67]

At her age, she may well be a college student racking up a college debt.  Is she faced with substantial debt?  If so, I totally understand her taking a higher paying job per hour.  And I understand you moving on.  

 

[Caauug]

5 hours ago, SoloSilk said:

I would never tell her about having money, but rather wanted to build up novel experiences together. She has no idea, all she saw was I had some money, I'm tall and handsome, extremely muscular, and quite charismatic

Good work keep working on your 6 sixes.... You are looking for a life partner and hopefully on day have children with her? No rush yet, but you are not just looking to hook up, correct?

5 hours ago, SoloSilk said:

she still believed giving her body to fat old men was the best choice.

Not always, in a male dominated town or where time in town is limited, the call girl can service a man of any age. I have known fit young men 20's and up with only a few days in town to blow a fist full of money on the girls while they have the opportunity, then back out bush for 3 months on a drill rig....

5 hours ago, SoloSilk said:

I don't know why you would think I'd want to be with someone who put a monetary value on giving away their body and energy to gross people"

Not everyone has your view on sex. To think your view is the only correct view is going to lead you to many disappointments. I'm not saying you should change it. Your views on sex is right for you, don't expect everyone else to live by your views. You have your boundaries stick to them.

 

"Actions speak louder than words" Remember this. Her second time meeting for paid sex? This sounds like a head count and you can likely blow this number up by x20... She will want you to support her with her choice of profession, that's why she told you..... She thinks she has you hooked enough to do it.... (You did buy a Mustang for her.... Maybe not for her but if she asked nicely she could take it home and drive it, right?...)

She's in no rush to settle down, remember she is 8yrs younger than you.... At 20 she may not even be aware of her "Body Clock", she has 10 to 15yrs of riding the carousel before trying to find someone like you.... She has her youth, looks and will likely exploit those to her advantage while she can. 

Time to move on and don't get "Oneitis" so fast next time.

[d0nnivain]

What is the alternative?  You can't very well continue with her knowing she's taking money from other men for sex.  Forget the ethics -- there are genuine health risks involved.  This woman makes choices with which you don't agree.  There is no point in continuing.  She still gets to make the choice & you can't stop her.  

[smackie9]

This could be a setup. You say you do pretty well financially right? Well maybe she's lookin for a sugar daddy and is playing violin as she says she sells herself to gross men for $300...you know to sucker you in to start paying for her rent, buy her a car etc. It doesn't matter if she has a good paying job, she probably doesn't want to work, and be a kept woman. You are buying a motorcycle, a Mustang GT to have better dates is you inching your way there. Boot her sorry ass to the curb. She's using you to get at the bigger thing.

[mark clemson]

11 hours ago, SoloSilk said:

The only point I made to her is "I appreciate your honesty, and what you did before you met me isn't as big a deal, but I don't know why you would think I'd want to be with someone who put a monetary value on giving away their body and energy to gross people"

I did not shame her

Yeah you did. Also $300 is not a meager sum to everyone, particularly if you can collect multiple times/week. However if you're not interested in being with her you certainly did the right thing in letting her go. Many men would find this off-putting.  I also agree that her (apparent) idea that being a sex worker is more appealing than a "decent job" is probably extremely naive on her part.

As some have noted, she may have been hoping to get paid to have sex with an attractive man (ie you) instead.

Put this in the rear-view mirror and move on.

Edited August 13, 2021 by mark clemson

[Miss Spider]

Yea I’d break it off, personally. She’s basically saying she’s a hooker, and I don’t think  $300 a pop even  puts  her in the ‘high class’ category. No judgement against working girls/guys on a personal level but no for an SO.  But if  that’s okay with yourself , it’s all good 

Edited August 13, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[stillafool]

You keep saying she is giving her body to these older guys when in fact she is selling her body to them.  I agree that at least she was honest with you.  You can't handle that so you are doing right by letting her go.

[Miss Spider]

Hey, some people do that and don’t even make a profit 

[JRabbit]

13 hours ago, SoloSilk said:

After meeting her I decided to buy a Mustang GT yesterday so we could take some road trips to nice places (I don't want a super flashy car)

?????

Hate to break it to you but a Mustang GT IS a super flashy car.

You bought a new car to drive around a 20 year old girl you just met? Who is an escort?

I think you need to start exploring what red flags are, and how to respond to them.

and finally to completely ruin your day (sorry), 20 and 28 will never work.

Save your money for someone who loves YOU, deserves you and you know and can trust.

 

[Shining One]

39 minutes ago, JRabbit said:

Hate to break it to you but a Mustang GT IS a super flashy car.

It really isn't.

40 minutes ago, JRabbit said:

You bought a new car to drive around a 20 year old girl you just met? Who is an escort?

I think you need to start exploring what red flags are, and how to respond to them.

I agree with the rest of this though.

[JRabbit]

6 minutes ago, Shining One said:

It really isn't.

To a 20 year old girl, I bet it is. A brand new Mustang is going to turn heads....looks pretty flashy to me?

 

https://www.ford.ca/cars/mustang/models/gt-fastback/

[SumGuy]

43 minutes ago, JRabbit said:

?????

Hate to break it to you but a Mustang GT IS a super flashy car.

You bought a new car to drive around a 20 year old girl you just met? Who is an escort?

...

JRabbit, goes to show the gaps between the haves and have nots.   Just a quick google, it is that Mustang appears to be under $50K US, so not flashy and not even a car guy's car, that would be a 1965 Mustang    Flashy is usually above $100K, a top of the line Tesla, a used Ferrari, high end Porches, could go on...sticking with the sport car theme here.  For the haves, writing a check for $50K is not a problem.  The tier that is more a stretch for them is the $200K car.  Then for those folks those who bid on the $1-5M cars are the impressive ones.

[JRabbit]

Just now, SumGuy said:

JRabbit, goes to show the gaps between the haves and have nots.   Just a quick google, it is that Mustang appears to be under $50K US, so not flashy and not even a car guy's car, that would be a 1965 Mustang    Flashy is usually above $100K, a top of the line Tesla, a used Ferrari, high end Porches, could go on...sticking with the sport car theme here.  For the haves, writing a check for $50K is not a problem.  The tier that is more a stretch for them is the $200K car.  Then for those folks those who bid on the $1-5M cars are the impressive ones.

LMAO ok thanks for mansplaining that to me and assuming my social class and status 🤣

Cars are in my family...a racing family.  Flashy doesn't have to be $50k and higher.  Maybe to you, but to not everyone.   If you mean EXPENSIVE and over priced..., then sure.

[SumGuy]

She is a sex worker, pretty simple.  Good she is honest.  Myself would not go for such relationship either, even if the non-exclusivity is purely work.  There are plenty others who are all she is and not sex workers.  But congratulate yourself that you get it for free.

[SumGuy]

1 minute ago, JRabbit said:

LMAO ok thanks for mansplaining that to me and assuming my social class and status 🤣

Cars are in my family...a racing family.  Flashy doesn't have to be $50k and higher.  Maybe to you, but to not everyone.   If you mean EXPENSIVE and over priced..., then sure.

If flashy isn't expensive and over priced to you then what is it?  Shiny?  Simply body styling that impresses someone?  Sounds even more subjective.

Now if you are saying to many it is flashy sure can agree with that, but in his world probably not...and rather tame as well.  If you are from the world he seems to imply how can you then say it is flashy?  Can think of several towns not far away where a 2021 Mustang GT would be just a ho hum car on the street, sporty but no Bentley, not catching anyone's eye as out of the ordinary impressive.  Heck if this girl is making $300 a pop, all tax free I assume, she could get herself a Mustang GT pretty easy as well.

[Wiseman2]

38 minutes ago, SumGuy said:

But congratulate yourself that you get it for free.

Costs a Mustang GT.