Alfano Posted August 19, 2021 Share Posted August 19, 2021 It will be a good learning experience for her- to not necessarily view her parents as ideal role models. She'll see where mom has gotten herself and hopefully think "On no, not me". I doubt she'll see anything too upsetting other than some prison guards and a few people wearing matching striped tops and bottoms as she's escorted to a room full of tables where the visitation takes place. We're not talking maximum security here, this is more of a white collar petty crimes institution. Link to post Share on other sites
firedeep Posted August 22, 2021 Share Posted August 22, 2021 I will go against the grain and say no. I’m not seeing the benefit. Looks like mom won’t be there that long. There is no need to subject a young girl to going through a visit and seeing the jail environment. Can’t see you guys having any good conversations there. Probably don’t want your wife telling your daughter what it’s like to take a shower with other inmates and other seedy stuff that goes on there, and honestly considering she committed a crime I don’t really know how much of a connection this woman should have with her daughter. Link to post Share on other sites
Taramere Posted August 22, 2021 Share Posted August 22, 2021 On 8/15/2021 at 4:22 PM, B7000 said: Just feels like it would be awkward to talk about. My daughter definitely wants to ask her mom about the sordid details of jail life and those type of things (the cells, showers, other inmates etc) What's their relationship normally like? Does her mum lay down strict boundaries with them? Do they talk openly about tricky issues? How do you think your partner will react if her daughter does start quizzing her about the details of prison life? Link to post Share on other sites
Author B7000 Posted August 22, 2021 Author Share Posted August 22, 2021 (edited) 3 hours ago, Taramere said: What's their relationship normally like? Does her mum lay down strict boundaries with them? Do they talk openly about tricky issues? How do you think your partner will react if her daughter does start quizzing her about the details of prison life? They have a good relationship. I think my wife would expect her daughter to ask questions and they would probably talk about it even I don’t know if a 15 year old should learn about that stuff Edited August 22, 2021 by B7000 Link to post Share on other sites
Taramere Posted August 22, 2021 Share Posted August 22, 2021 51 minutes ago, B7000 said: They have a good relationship. I think my wife would expect her daughter to ask questions and they would probably talk about it even I don’t know if a 15 year old should learn about that stuff She's going to learn about it from somewhere. 15 year olds, and younger, can learn about pretty much anything they want to learn about via the internet. There's probably a bit of bravado masking a great deal of anxiety about her mum going on, and I'm sure the internet is filled with horror stories about prison life. It seems better that she get to go and see her mum and talk to her, than put a picture together by reading the internet and letting her imagination run riot with the aid of films/dramas about prison life...as well as things people at school are probably saying. Link to post Share on other sites
firedeep Posted August 23, 2021 Share Posted August 23, 2021 (edited) On 8/19/2021 at 11:44 AM, Alfano said: It will be a good learning experience for her- to not necessarily view her parents as ideal role models. She'll see where mom has gotten herself and hopefully think "On no, not me". I doubt she'll see anything too upsetting other than some prison guards and a few people wearing matching striped tops and bottoms as she's escorted to a room full of tables where the visitation takes place. We're not talking maximum security here, this is more of a white collar petty crimes institution. On the contrary I think a child seeing their parent in jail will make jail seem almost like a normal and acceptable thing to them one thing i say is do not take your daughter to see her mom in jail for the wife’s sake. She gets no decision here Edited August 23, 2021 by firedeep Link to post Share on other sites
Alfano Posted August 23, 2021 Share Posted August 23, 2021 (edited) 17 hours ago, firedeep said: On the contrary I think a child seeing their parent in jail will make jail seem almost like a normal and acceptable thing to them It could be explained that mom doesn't get to leave, or live a normal life. She can't go to restaurants, to bars. She cannot go shopping, she can't go to a park, or to the beach. She can't get in a car and drive anywhere. No vacations. No hanging out with friends (other than her convict buddies). She must follow the rules of the prison. She may be subject to violence, there's a lack of privacy. Etc etc. It might be mom's normal but I don't think most of us would want to sign up for that. Edited August 23, 2021 by Alfano Link to post Share on other sites
firedeep Posted August 23, 2021 Share Posted August 23, 2021 2 hours ago, Alfano said: It could be explained that mom doesn't get to leave, or live a normal life. She can't go to restaurants, to bars. She cannot go shopping, she can't go to a park, or to the beach. She can't get in a car and drive anywhere. No vacations. No hanging out with friends (other than her convict buddies). She must follow the rules of the prison. She may be subject to violence, there's a lack of privacy. Etc etc. It might be mom's normal but I don't think most of us would want to sign up for that. True, though it’s easy to see that just by going to visit in a prison and seeing someone you know as an inmate and talking to them about it could normalize it especially to someone young and impressionable even if mom speaks about how much it sucks. Also should a 15 year old really learn about what it’s like to sit in a cell, take showers with other inmates and other aspects of jail life? Guess it depends Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 23, 2021 Share Posted August 23, 2021 3 minutes ago, firedeep said: Also should a 15 year old really learn about what it’s like to sit in a cell, take showers with other inmates and other aspects of jail life? She wants to go and see her mother. Perhaps you do not understand the nature of prison visits. She will not be taking a tour of the place. Link to post Share on other sites
firedeep Posted August 23, 2021 Share Posted August 23, 2021 16 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: She wants to go and see her mother. Perhaps you do not understand the nature of prison visits. She will not be taking a tour of the place. But it will undoubtedly be talked about especially if they get along well as the OP indicated Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted August 24, 2021 Share Posted August 24, 2021 I think its good for a 15-year old to be able to make her own decisions- in this case if she feels like she wants to make the visit- it is good for her development to make that decision, I often think back on my family at that age and so on- and there were far too much adult influences- with the result that when a person reached adulthood they were unable to think independently for themselves and still guided by the shadow of their parents , long run better to promote independent decision making even if it results in a few bumps along the way. Link to post Share on other sites
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