Affair with a serial cheat

[jojo399]

3 hours ago, spiderowl said:

The guy is full of lies and a serial cheater - you admit so yourself.  So what makes you think he will have changed with you?

While he was supposedly being pestered by this other woman, how do you know he wasn't subtly encouraging this in some way?  Have you see ALL their communications?  I suspect he plays one woman off against another, trying to maintain this image that he is the guy they all want.  It sounds like he is playing you now.

He is cheating on his wife and going through several women at work.  Is that the kind of guy you really admire?

 

I have not seen any of their communications but I do know that he was avoiding her for a while and she made reference to it in some emails with several other co-workers. 
 

He is probably the most insecure guy I have ever met. I’m seeing that he tries very hard to get people to like him then eventually sabotages the relationship so he can move on and do it again with someone else. It’s sad really

 

 

[Wiseman2]

7 minutes ago, jojo399 said:

I think I feeL more threatened than jealous. 

Hopefully you can finalize your divorce soon. Being in the throes of divorce can make you make these kinds of poor choices.

Is there a lot to sort out? Do you still live together?

Once you are past all this and legally divorced, you can find quality men to date.

[jojo399]

2 hours ago, NYAG said:

Firstly, always keep your expectations of MMs low. They will never cease to amaze you the depths to which they will stoop. But that's beside the point. It sounds to me like this guy thrives on the drama and the trouble he causes. I would keep well away. Life's too short for all that. This could blow up at any time and he will drag you down with him. If he has interest in others who knows where he is 'sticking it'. Don't catch anything nasty in the process. I would distance myself, especially since he is accusing you of having interests in other people which suggests to me he is trying to push you away deliberately.

I think he thrives on the attention from women. His wife adores him and he gives her everything she wants, but she still isn’t enough. 
He is very threatened by the other guy he is accusing me of having dealings with and I think his latest attempt at rekindling the ‘friendship’ with the other OW is in retaliation to something he thinks happened. It’s quite pathetic. 
 

I can put a stop to our affair, but since my marriage ended I have been lonely and it’s nice to have the attention of someone staying in touch with me every day. I guess if I were like him, I would use him  for what I wanted for as long as I wanted to….

[jojo399]

8 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Hopefully you can finalize your divorce soon. Being in the throes of divorce can make you make these kinds of poor choices.

Is there a lot to sort out? Do you still live together?

Once you are past all this and legally divorced, you can find quality men to date.

Divorce hasn’t started yet but we have lived apart for several months now. 
I agree that my judgement is clouded and I am trying to have my needs met (comfort, affection, company etc) by anyone who will give it to me

 

Where are the quality men?? Lol

[ExpatInItaly]

I have to say, OP, that you are remarkably more insightful and level-headed than many OW. It took very little to help you see the reality of this situation. 

While it wasn't a good choice to get involved with him, your ability to step outside the situation and see things more objectively will ultimately serve you very well. 

Edited August 15, 2021 by ExpatInItaly

[heartwhole2]

4 hours ago, jojo399 said:

Where are the quality men?? Lol

Good question! I think quality people tend to gravitate towards things that are externally focused or which improve their personal health and well-being. So you'll find them hiking or visiting museums or getting out the vote or building a community garden. I think a man's past history of relationships is telling too. Does he have long-term, serious girlfriends? Maybe he's divorced (with a plausible explanation for why the marriage didn't work out)? If he's just bouncing from short term thing to short term thing, or he spends all his free time getting drunk or high or playing video games, don't expect him to be relationship material.

Also a person's friends say a lot about them. We tend to surround ourselves with people who represent our values and interests. Are these quality people?

[stillafool]

4 hours ago, jojo399 said:

Thank you for this! I appreciate you being so honest. 
I think I feeL more threatened than jealous. The other co-worker and the MM had a messy end to their relationship and she harassed him a lot, threatened suicide and sent him photos, found pictures of his wife online etc. I think I am more annoyed that he still has accommodates her requests to be friends because each time she ends up showing her dark side and he cuts her out and the cycle repeats. I don’t understand his behaviour around her which confuses me. 
 

I’m sorry to hear about what you went through. 

It's because of the drama she creates.  Some men love women who come with a lot of drama.  I've heard these women are also good in bed.  I've seen men really struggle to let a bi-polar woman go because they're addicted to the drama she creates.

[Bittersweetie]

My question is, why do you not seem concerned about your work reputation in this scenario? This is your career, are you not worried about how others see you in terms of respect, accountability? You mentioned gossiping about this MM before, how do you feel about coworkers gossiping about you now? Unfortunately I think women are judged more harshly in these scenarios than men, which could impact your future.

[DingDang]

Quote

 The other co-worker and the MM had a messy end to their relationship and she harassed him a lot, threatened suicide and sent him photos, found pictures of his wife online etc. I think I am more annoyed that he still has accommodates her requests to be friends because each time she ends up showing her dark side and he cuts her out and the cycle repeats. I don’t understand his behaviour around her which confuses me. 

He's probably trying to placate her so she won't tell his wife. 

[HadMeOverABarrel]

On 8/14/2021 at 6:53 AM, elaine567 said:

The happiest OWs are those who never get involved and treat the MM like a FWB.

The second happiest OWs are those who dumped the MM before he got his chance to dump them while maintaining some shred of their dignity in the process.

Just a thought, OP.

Otherwise you'll likely wind up like those who came before you: having to rearrange your life and change jobs to not have to bear the constant reminder of rejection, or worse...

Desperately cling and even harass this lowlife because of not being able to acceptsuch rejection. 

I say, Chart your own course; Eject and don't look back.