Am I the crazy one here?

[Franzi1906]

So a little backstory. 

I've dated this guy for almost a year but we where never official but we didn't see other people either. I fell in love with him, but I was never sure if he actually did fell in love with me. 

So five days ago he broke up telling me that he in fact never did fell in love with me but that he wished he could since he did have feelings for me and he enjoyed the time we spend together and the safe feeling we gave eachother. I told him to leave and bawled my eyes out before talking to my parents house to bawl out my eyes again. This whole day we did text eachother and I was kinda in denial about this whole thing, because every fiber in my body told me that this wasn't true how could have had such a good time together og he didn't love me? But I guess that things like this just happends sometimes, but then I thought why did he wait this long to tell me? And why now? Turns out he had been together with some girl during a party and that's when he finally realised that what ever he did feel for me wasn't enough. So at that point I called him asking him why he didn't just tell me the truth from the beginning, since I've asked Jim if he had been with someone else several times, and he told me that he didn't wanted to hurt me even more. We did have a good talk about it before hanging up. I've never really been though a breakup before and this really hurt so I read a few stories on what was good after a breakup and which things you should avoid. 

One of those things are: do not text or contact your ex in any way. But I did and we have texted all those days, not because I want him back or anything and I completely accepted the break up, but because I could let him know about anything I fellt with this breakup, how betraited I fellt for him beeing with someone else because I never thought that he would hurt me like this. But also I did get some clear sigjt about our relationship and that it really wasn't healthy for either one of us. We actually both stayed because it was secure and fun beeing with eachother. And I realised that I actually never asked him for us tp take the next step and make it official or asked him about a future together because I actually knew that he wasn't in the same place emotionally as I was, but I did shut down that little voice in my head saying that this wouldn't last forever because I was in love with him, so for almost a year I guess that I did live in happy denial about this relationship. And although I do care about him and wish him all the best in the future I'm still mad at him, not for ending the relationship but simply for sleeping around, and it also hit me that I can't be with a person like that. Who does something like that? Who hurts another person like that? He is a decent person but at that point he was the most selfish human beeing I've ever meet. And texting all this to him was such a hughe relief, he also knows that he messed up and he does feel sorry for doing it. 

Anyway although I'm still a little sad from time to time, I actually feel fine, and I'm actually excitet about the future and how I get to reinvent myself now. And yes, I have already been online on Tinder, not because I want a new relationship right now but just to show myself that there are plenty og fish in the sea and that actually boosted my confiedence so much. Is this wrong? 

Sure these pangs with sadness still roll over me, but in the end I tell myself that crying over it won't help me get over this. I cry when I feel the need for it but I refuse to let my entire life revolve about this break up it's simply not worth felling this bad for a guy who I never had a future with and who basically kinda cheated on me.

So my question, is it wrong for me to already beeing out of the deep griefing period and actually beeing okay with all of this? 

 

[Mrin]

Sounds like you're dealing with all of this in a pretty healthy and normal way. Even the introspection regarding why you're on Tinder.

My only advice is that while you feel good and fine right now, don't be shocked if at some point in the future you are hit with a wave of grief about the breakup. That's normal too. Grieving comes and goes but it does get better. 

Best of luck!

Mrin

[Fox Sake]

Ahh…. You have gained self respect!!! 
One of the hardest things to achieve. 
The moment he slept about you realised that you are worth better treatment, that you deserve more respect. 
In a way you’re kind of lucky in the grand scheme of breakups. You have something you can use to give you the strength to see your own value. it makes dealing with the situation so much easier. 
I know where your head is at right now , having been in a similar position before. It’s a good place to be- you have all the moral high ground and self respect, which will make healing a lot easier
 

Your mindset is correct , your self enthusiasm and positive outlook for what’s around the corner is correct.  You’re winning right now. Although you do have to be aware of your emotions catching up with you, as was previously posted , I actually think you’re gonna be okay! 
 

[Wiseman2]

Sorry this happened, but it sounds like you dodged a bullet. How old is he?

As long as you had fun dating for almost a year,  you will be ok in the long term. 

 Breakups suck, but you seem to be handling it quite well.

 

[d0nnivain]

22 hours ago, Franzi1906 said:

 And yes, I have already been online on Tinder, not because I want a new relationship right now but just to show myself that there are plenty og fish in the sea and that actually boosted my confiedence so much. Is this wrong? 

 * * * 

So my question, is it wrong for me to already beeing out of the deep griefing period and actually beeing okay with all of this? 

There is no right & wrong with this stuff.  If you are happy dating again & are getting what you need from having new men flirt with you & take you out, enjoy.  

Somewhere in here you were less connected than you thought & you have accepted the break up, which is good.  Whatever talks / texts you had enabled you to get closure so you are more ready to move on in a shorter period than it may have taken somebody else.  That is fortunate for you.  Don't worry about how somebody else may feel in your shoes; they are not in your shoes.  

Do what's right for you. 

Happy hunting.  

[glows]

No, it’s not wrong to be over it. You knew it wasn’t sustainable but were content to play the part of a happy couple pretending that there might be something more or hoping for something more. Don’t be too harsh on yourself. 

I met two men on a dating app after separating from my spouse and it was fun. You have a good head on your shoulders. Be kind to yourself and dust this off. The way you found out was quite tactless but he was honest with you. Now you know in future and hopefully have the filters and experience to cull people who aren’t a good fit. 

Onwards, dear. There’s much more waiting.