Long term relationship and potential break up for career opportunity

[fayew]

My boyfriend and I have been together for ten years. We’ve had a lot of issues and we’ve always tried working past them. A few months ago he told me that this was going to end if things kept staying stagnant and so I began making plans just in case. I have always wanted to live abroad and pursue an international career but I stayed here in the states for my relationship. He found out and said he wouldn’t support me if I went. I received a job offer two days ago and he’s not willing to compromise. He said it’s him or nothing. What should I do? I feel that there will be regret either way. 

[stillafool]

Has he proposed marriage?  If not, follow your career or you'll regret it later.  If he loved you he would want to make sure you followed your dreams.

[ShyViolet]

Go and take the job.  It sounds like this relationship is failing anyway.  It makes no sense to make life decisions around  a dying relationship.  One year from now, there's a good chance you will be done with him, and then you'll regret passing up on opportunities just for this.

[mark clemson]

1 hour ago, fayew said:

 I feel that there will be regret either way. 

There probably will be, but there will also no doubt be positive things whichever way you go.

[chillii]

Did you point out to him his stagnate threat ?

At any rate , nonetheless it really only comes down to one question, do you wanna marry him and him you , or at least spend the rest of your lives together. 10yrs , you'd both already know the answer within yourselves.  lf it's yes then that's another matter l suppose with your job , but it doesn't sound like it with the way he was talking. Not that it'll be easy , but if you really wanna do it, why not. Could always just try it for 6-12 mths for starters.

[d0nnivain]

So unfair.  He complained you were stagnant & now that you are making changes he's equally mad.  However, I doubt he request for change involved an international move.  

That said, after 10 years of only being BF/GF your relationship is as a good as it's ever going to get so you may as well follow your dream. He can always come back later when he realizes he misses you but don't throw away your dream for a selfish guy.  

[glows]

13 hours ago, fayew said:

My boyfriend and I have been together for ten years. We’ve had a lot of issues and we’ve always tried working past them. A few months ago he told me that this was going to end if things kept staying stagnant and so I began making plans just in case. I have always wanted to live abroad and pursue an international career but I stayed here in the states for my relationship. He found out and said he wouldn’t support me if I went. I received a job offer two days ago and he’s not willing to compromise. He said it’s him or nothing. What should I do? I feel that there will be regret either way. 

What are these other issues? 

You already know in your heart he is checked out. The only thing keeping you there is familiarity and slight fear of the unknown. For someone to make comments like that about things stagnating he already has back up plans. If he doesn’t he’s got a loose tongue, idle mind and isn’t smart.

I would think through this carefully and evaluate whether it’s your emotional ties keeping you instead of there being any interest in him or your future with him. 

 

[Wiseman2]

19 hours ago, fayew said:

I have always wanted to live abroad. He said it’s him or nothing. 

🌎✈🌍. Actually he's nothing. So it's follow your dreams or stay with Mr. Nowhereman

[BaileyB]

I would take the job opportunity. 

[HadMeOverABarrel]

Take the job. You'll probably meet someone better in the new country anyway.