Darksidedub Posted August 16, 2021 Share Posted August 16, 2021 Hello all. I’m new to the relationship forums. My ex broke up with me a little over a month ago after a four and a half year relationship. I have struggled mightily to get over her. Everything makes me think of her and miss her. I’ve tried distracting myself with other woman and that has failed. I only think of her more because they just remind me of what I had and miss so much about her. I’m just ridiculously depressed and I just want to get over it and move on. I know it takes time but I need it to happen right now. I can’t take the hurt anymore. Has anyone had any experience with this? Any success with getting over an ex relatively quickly? Please let me know if you have any ideas on how I can move on from it ASAP and stop dwelling on it and making myself miserable over it. Thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted August 16, 2021 Share Posted August 16, 2021 (edited) Unfortunately it takes time. You may also choose to busy yourself. Are you involved in any sports or activites? Have any hobbies? Edited August 16, 2021 by glows Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 16, 2021 Share Posted August 16, 2021 You can't make it happen right now. Grieving is a time consuming process. Conventional wisdom suggests that it takes 1/2 the length of the relationship to fully get over someone. Some things you can do: 1 Grieve. Let yourself cry & be upset. Mourn the loss 2 Purge. Get rid of all the stuff. If you can't throw it out, box it all up, tape the box closed & stuff it in the attic or a deep closet. Put all the photos on a memory stick or in the cloud. Out of sight, out of mind. 3. Change. Rearrange your living space so it doesn't remind you of her. Move the furniture. Get new sheets. Get some new art or throw pillows. Just make it different so you don't see her in your mind's eye. Get a new outfit. Change your hairstyle. Take a new route to work. Just shake things up. 4. Move. Now is the time to exercise. Keep yourself busy. Throw yourself into work. Pick up a side hustle. Dive back into an old hobby or take up a new one. Stay active. Do not wallow on your couch. 5. Self soothe. Surround yourself with supportive friends & family. Do not think this will happen over night. It will be 2 steps forward, one step back. Hang in there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 16, 2021 Share Posted August 16, 2021 A break up from a long relationship is pretty much like a bereavement and just as you wouldn't expect to get over the death of your partner, your mother, a sibling or a close friend in a month, then why would you think you should be over it by now? This will take a long time. Some people can move swiftly on, but they are usually the dumper. It was their idea to break up, so of course they are happy to move on, they may even feel relieved and glad it is all over, but for those dumped and left behind, the heart break can be massive. Look after yourself first and foremost. Eat well, sleep well and try to occupy your mind with other things, and self soothe. Exercise can help, but pumping yourself up to a frenzy of activity can be stressful in itself... Take the pressure off yourself and allow healing to take place. Link to post Share on other sites
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