Mad BF Posted August 16, 2021 Share Posted August 16, 2021 Good afternoon everyone, So I’m sitting here again with my baby son accomplishing absolutely nothing because he is full of discontent just like his father who is myself. I don’t know if I’m writing this to vent or to ask advice but I’ve reached the point of boiling over so I’m just going to send it. So I work 10 days on and 4 days off and those 4 days are supposed to be when I accomplish things and move my family forward but on my two free days when it’s supposed to be just me I am always stuck being Mr Mom. The other two days are spent trying to keep my wife happy by spending time with her and my son and doing the weekly crap to maintain life. I guess my frustration comes from the fact that I pay all of the damn bills in this family minus my wife’s car payment and every time I’m supposed to be accomplishing things my wife sticks me with my son so she can work 2 days a week to make her car payment. I’m sick and tired of working 60-72 hours a week and every damn day coming home to play the role of mother and accomplishing not a damn thing to put us in a better position. My wife has buried me in bullshit on top of my job where I have to be daddy to a bunch of child adults and I don’t know what to do because if I can’t shift my family forward through study and a different career path then no one will and I’m stuck in this revolving cycle where I can’t stand my life and I can see the light but can never get there because I’m playing Mr Mom. Maybe I’m lacking perspective and need a different point of view so that’s why I’m posting this but I need some help. Anyone else going through this cycle of being stuck with mundane everyday crap and can’t better themselves because of lack of time? Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted August 16, 2021 Share Posted August 16, 2021 Describe to me what you thought marriage would be like?? Describe to me what you thought parenthood would be like?? You wife's 2 day (job) is her escape from watching the child. She may need to do something different and be around adults (thus she works). It appears you are the skilled worker in the household, thus you are the main bread winner and are responsible for bringing in the income to pay the day to day bills. (Rent/mortgage, food, utilities, insurances, etc.) Were you aware of how expensive a wife and child could be, before you got married and had your son?? When you were on your own (single) you were simply responsible for yourself, which is A LOT cheaper, thus it is easier to maintain life and pay just your bills. Now there are 3 people you are supporting, yourself, your wife and your son. Quite a bit more expensive, thus you are forced to work longer hours. And yes it becomes a mundane cycle, but you signed up for it... Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted August 16, 2021 Share Posted August 16, 2021 47 minutes ago, Mad BF said: Good afternoon everyone, So I’m sitting here again with my baby son accomplishing absolutely nothing because he is full of discontent just like his father who is myself. I don’t know if I’m writing this to vent or to ask advice but I’ve reached the point of boiling over so I’m just going to send it. So I work 10 days on and 4 days off and those 4 days are supposed to be when I accomplish things and move my family forward but on my two free days when it’s supposed to be just me I am always stuck being Mr Mom. The other two days are spent trying to keep my wife happy by spending time with her and my son and doing the weekly crap to maintain life. I guess my frustration comes from the fact that I pay all of the damn bills in this family minus my wife’s car payment and every time I’m supposed to be accomplishing things my wife sticks me with my son so she can work 2 days a week to make her car payment. I’m sick and tired of working 60-72 hours a week and every damn day coming home to play the role of mother and accomplishing not a damn thing to put us in a better position. My wife has buried me in bullshit on top of my job where I have to be daddy to a bunch of child adults and I don’t know what to do because if I can’t shift my family forward through study and a different career path then no one will and I’m stuck in this revolving cycle where I can’t stand my life and I can see the light but can never get there because I’m playing Mr Mom. Maybe I’m lacking perspective and need a different point of view so that’s why I’m posting this but I need some help. Anyone else going through this cycle of being stuck with mundane everyday crap and can’t better themselves because of lack of time? Focus on tangible benefits of the current arrangement: how long until your wife finishes paying off her car (timeline), how much does your wife actually make working two days a week, how long are you enrolled in classes (timeline). You're frustrated and looking for someone to blame. It's good to let it out but don't take it out on your family. Speak with your wife if you both need to cut back your expenses. Both of you have to be on the same page. Be on the same page also about your timelines so that both of you see a light at the end of this tunnel. If you're feeling frustrated with your program speak with a program advisor at your school or institution. It's good to ask questions. Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted August 19, 2021 Share Posted August 19, 2021 I'm genuinely confused. You're complaining about being "stuck being Mr. Mom"? Do you think it's only a mom's job to take care of the baby? What did you think was going to happen when you and your wife had a baby? Did you think you wouldn't have to help take care of it? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted August 19, 2021 Share Posted August 19, 2021 (edited) I can see where you are coming from. Both parents need to have ways to escape and have a break, though I found it extremely hard to get a break because children are just so all-consuming. You resent paying all the bills for the family but then complain when your wife takes time out to earn money so that you do not have to pay her transport bill. It's impossible to have it all ways unless someone pays for childcare. Perhaps you and your wife could work part time and do the child care when not working, trying to build in some 'escape' time for you both? I guess in most families there is one who earns more than the other and who tends to end up being the 'breadwinner'. Bear in mind you cannot have the flexibility to work full time without your wife doing childcare while you are working. Bringing up children is hard work and limiting, no doubt about it (and then they grow up to be 15 and tell you you are the worst parent in the world, sigh!). It is not unusual for both parents to feel they have had enough of working flat out: work, home, childcare, work, then work ... Perhaps you and your wife could look at your workloads together and make a serious effort to build in time out for each of you? If you can afford it, maybe bring in some extra childcare for when your wife is working so that you do not have to take that on at that time as well. Have you got family nearby who might be willing to help out on occasions? It doesn't sound like you feel particularly happy with your child. Do you feel you have bonded with him? It sounds like you all just need a rest. Edited August 19, 2021 by spiderowl 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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