Matt456 Posted August 18, 2021 Share Posted August 18, 2021 Hi I have been dating my girlfriend now for 3years and she wants to move back to the states. I have my son here but she wants me to move with her permanently to the states. I'm torn between moving to the states and my son. I don't want to lose this relationship but don't want to not see my son even tho I haven't seen him for 2 years due to the foster parents who are looking after him stopped contact for no reason and I have a chance to go court. Can anyone give me any advice on this cause I don't want to lose both. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted August 18, 2021 Share Posted August 18, 2021 What are her reasons for going back to the US? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Matt456 Posted August 18, 2021 Author Share Posted August 18, 2021 She has her children there who are now all adults her youngest just turned 21 and she says the health care is better over there. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 18, 2021 Share Posted August 18, 2021 Pick your son. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Matt456 Posted August 18, 2021 Author Share Posted August 18, 2021 Who is going to help me when she leaves? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 18, 2021 Share Posted August 18, 2021 You are going to help yourself. You are grown adult who is a father. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted August 18, 2021 Share Posted August 18, 2021 15 minutes ago, Matt456 said: I don't want to lose this relationship but don't want to not see my son even tho I haven't seen him for 2 years due to the foster parents who are looking after him stopped contact for no reason and I have a chance to go court. Can anyone give me any advice on this cause I don't want to lose both. How old is your son and why is he in foster care? Why have you been able to do absolutely nothing to see him in two years? I would say pick your son, but he doesn't really seem like much of a priority for you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Matt456 Posted August 18, 2021 Author Share Posted August 18, 2021 Just now, clia said: How old is your son and why is he in foster care? Why have you been able to do absolutely nothing to see him in two years? I would say pick your son, but he doesn't really seem like much of a priority for you. My son is going to be 7 years old on Saturday. I have been to social services and they said they sort it out and they can't seem to reach them. Only reason he's in foster care is because sons mum got with someone who wasn't supposed to be near children so social services taken my son. I wasn't financial stable to look after him. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted August 18, 2021 Share Posted August 18, 2021 If she leaves, are you able to support yourself now? Link to post Share on other sites
notbroken Posted August 18, 2021 Share Posted August 18, 2021 Be the best father you can be. That probably means locally and in his life as much as possible. Blood is thicker than water as they say. Put your kid's needs first. Find a way to provide for him and give him a better home / situation. He does not need more abandonment in his life. Be there for him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted August 18, 2021 Share Posted August 18, 2021 (edited) Work very hard to get yourself in a position that you can financially and emotionally support your child. He should be your priority. When you have custody, then you can explore the idea of moving back to the states. Your girlfriend - who wants to move back to the states to be closer to her grown children - should certainly understand that your priority needs to be to get yourself in good shape to take care of your son. Edited August 18, 2021 by vla1120 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LynneVicious Posted August 18, 2021 Share Posted August 18, 2021 If your son was taken away because the mum had him around someone who wasn’t supposed to be near children (child predator), then by default, the child would go to you. They must have deemed you not fit for your son either. That’s the only way kids go into foster care. Listen, if you want your son back, you need to put the work in and do it. Do what’s best for your son. If you’re not interested in being a fit and present father, then at least let him go so he can have a chance at life without his parents revolving in and out of it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted August 18, 2021 Share Posted August 18, 2021 2 hours ago, LynneVicious said: If your son was taken away because the mum had him around someone who wasn’t supposed to be near children (child predator), then by default, the child would go to you. They must have deemed you not fit for your son either. That’s the only way kids go into foster care. Listen, if you want your son back, you need to put the work in and do it. Do what’s best for your son. If you’re not interested in being a fit and present father, then at least let him go so he can have a chance at life without his parents revolving in and out of it. He has said that at the time he wasn't in a financial position to take care of his kid. It is unclear whether that has changed in the mean time, but it seems the foster parents have decided to "disappear" and social services aren't too efficient at locating them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Kimeva24 Posted August 19, 2021 Share Posted August 19, 2021 Hi everyone, I'm Matt's gf, I just wanted to clarify a couple of thing's. First I had said to Matt from Day one that his SON is his number 1 priority and if that meant me moving to the states alone then so be it. I also told him that if my kids weren't over 18 and on their own I would have NEVER left them, so I certainly wouldn't expect him to leave his child. I love his son just like one of my own but over here I legally have no say in anything that's going on with the foster parents. I talked with Matt last night and best solution is for the TWO of us to fight for custody of his son, THEN AND ONLY THEN will we discuss moving to the states. In the meantime we can visit there. Hope you all have a great evening and THANK YOU for backing up what I'VE been telling him for weeks. Love and light Kim 😊😊 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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