Desiree1234578593939 Posted August 18, 2021 Share Posted August 18, 2021 I Met my boyfriend almost 10 months ago, he was in my city for work, he had just broken up with his gf of 2.5 years. I thought he was the one! He was so sweet and attentive, and genuinely seems to enjoy my company. he did mention to me that he only likes women with plastic surgery ( which I donât have ) which made me a bit self conscious in front of him.  A few months in, he asked me to be  exclusive , and he would freak out about any men messaging me or commenting on my photos . We went through a rough patch, and I had a intuition, and asked to see his phone.  i found messages of love from him to his ex, continuously for weeks, with photos of him, saying that I am just a friend he had met, that she is the love of his life, his doll, etc. Saying he wanted to pick her up next time he went back to their hometown or that he could bring her here but the town were we live is boring and cold. He promised me he would block her , cried, and he wanted to be with me, I believed him. Fast forward a couple months, I asked to see his phone and she is unblocked. I was upset, though he is sly and did not have any messages on his phone.  Another side story is that he regularly goes back to where he is from, once a month, because his daughter is there. He blocked her again, and deleted her contact. I recently asked again to see his phone and found out he had posted on Instagram A COUPLE  WEEKS before he met me that I hadnât seen before ( we have been together now for 10 months) - a photo of her with a room full of balloons sayin âI Love Youâ with a description saying that she is the love of his life, and he hopes to be with her forever. he lied about a place he had been when he went back to his city this past week , and slowly trickle- truthed why he went where he did, just like with his ex. He told me when we met that they had broken up months ago, but then about 8 months into our relationship, he tells me that they werenât broken up but still talking, and on the same phone plan, and I distinctly recall him texting her and receiving a phone call from her once and him leaving the room for about an hour. he is saying he is with me and In this âboring, coldâ town because of me, and that that is proof enough that he plans to be with me, when he could be in his warm, exciting hometown closer to his daughter. I have to add, he also needs to marry for immigration purposes (which his ex couldnât do for him but said she was fine with marrying someone else to keep his green card) and he is on probation and wants to move his probation to where we live now, but can only do that by âmarryingâ according to him. otherwise he is very affectionate and always present, a bit controlling, but seems like he cares about me, though he has never done anything remotely romantic.  another side note is that he never leaves me alone - he almost moved in a few months after he met me, and has been living in my apartment not helping with any bills except grocery bills for the past 10 months. I am not sure what to think. please help!  Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted August 18, 2021 Share Posted August 18, 2021 l've just gotta ask , wth is he talking about that he only likes women with plastic surgery ? At any rate , he wasn't broken up with her long it was first of all too soon to be involved again and they have a child together. He'll always need to work with her to parent their child , so that part of it you can't expect him not to be in touch with her. The rest , man , too much crap in there , he's all over the place , sorry but at the moment you still couldn't trust much he has to say about anything. And he needs to marry someone, yikes , not showing anything romantically . You know deep down you should be on a rocket ship out of this thing right. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 19, 2021 Share Posted August 19, 2021 I second @chillii .  If a guy who told me that he only likes women with plastic surgery, he would have gotten a NEXT from me.  If that wasn't bad enough, that he's been flirting with others, being jealous and a bit controlling. Is looking to marry for a green card and is on probation!!!! Do you really have no other options? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
LynneVicious Posted August 19, 2021 Share Posted August 19, 2021 Unfortunately you are the rebound at best and the other woman at worst.  Not by your choice of course. When someone starts a new relationship without grieving the old one, their feelings and actions are still in their old relationship. It doesnât seem like his relationship is over with her either.  In any case, he is bad news. Youll only wind up with a broken heart. I hope you see all the red flags and take action. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FudgeSwirl Posted August 19, 2021 Share Posted August 19, 2021 The preference for women with plastic surgery was really messed up on his part. I am sure you are beautiful just the way you are so please ignore that stupid comment of his as well as throwing in your face that he is living with you when he can live somewhere better; I understand the other place is where his daughter is, which is understandable, but the way he expressed it is almost as if he wants to justify his behavior including not helping pay bills. He sounds like one huge, flaring red flag. His warm, affectionate demeanor does not sound genuine and seems more that he is doing it to get what he wants out of you. You deserve much better. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 19, 2021 Share Posted August 19, 2021 No, he does not love you. He is using you for a place to live and immigration. Saying he only likes women with plastic surgery was his way of checking if you have any self-esteem, and when you didn't get rid of him for that, he knew you were the perfect target to manipulate and use. He knew he could do pretty much whatever he wants because you sadly lack the self-worth to say no. He is warm to you because he knows he needs to do something to keep you in this, so he doesn't wind up homeless and deported. You know this is a bad relationship, OP. It barely qualifies as a relationship. It's a transaction for him. You need to get him out of your house and out of your life. I can't imagine that this louse is your best option. Out of pure curiosity though - what is he on probation for? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 19, 2021 Share Posted August 19, 2021 11 hours ago, Desiree1234578593939 said: I found messages his ex, , saying that I am just a friend he had met, that she is the love of his life, his doll, etc. he almost moved in a few months after he met me, and has been living in my apartment not helping with any bills. Sorry this is happening. He's a cheater, liar and parasite living a double life. He's using you as a free BnB with benefits. Cut your losses. End it. Then delete and block him from all your social media and messaging apps. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 19, 2021 Share Posted August 19, 2021 14 hours ago, Desiree1234578593939 said: I Met my boyfriend almost 10 months ago, he was in my city for work, he had just broken up with his gf of 2.5 years. I thought he was the one! He was so sweet and attentive, and genuinely seems to enjoy my company. he did mention to me that he only likes women with plastic surgery ( which I donât have ) which made me a bit self conscious in front of him. * * * another side note is that he never leaves me alone - he almost moved in a few months after he met me, and has been living in my apartment not helping with any bills except grocery bills for the past 10 months. I am not sure what to think. Stop selling yourself short. You know what to think. . .you just don't like it. He's using you.  Between the lines I read that you are a lonely woman with low self esteem. That is why you initially thought a man you just met who was proudly waiving the "rebound" flag was "the one." You didn't even know him when you came to that erroneous conclusion. The fact that he was sweet an attentive means it was OK that you started to date but you overlooked the fact that he had no roots in your city & his presence screamed temporary at best.  His preference for plastic surgery told you he is superficial but you moved ahead anyway because you were so desperate for companionship.  You have only known this man 10 months. He already lives with you even though he's professing his love to another woman, trying to win her back & lying about who you are to her. This is not an honest reliable guy you can count on. He's living rent free & you let him. You are being taken advantage of.  2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Desiree1234578593939 Posted August 19, 2021 Author Share Posted August 19, 2021 2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Sorry this is happening. He's a cheater, liar and parasite living a double life. He's using you as a free BnB with benefits. Cut your losses. End it. Then delete and block him from all your social media and messaging apps. He is on probation for stealing a package a few years ago.  he shows me on his phone that he has his ex blocked, and even through WhatsApp she has blocked him. Everytime I ask him why he broke up with his ex he freaks out, gets defensive and starts tallying a whole list of the things Iâve done âwrongâ (I was with my ex husband 7 months before I met him, already divorced but we met up and he read a diary entry about it, or the fact that I had a bunch of guys messaging me on Instagram, a few who are actually friends and I responded to, with nothing inappropriate thoughâŠ)  he is living rent free but he is pressuring me into moving into a bigger, nicer place with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Desiree1234578593939 Posted August 19, 2021 Author Share Posted August 19, 2021 24 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: Stop selling yourself short. You know what to think. . .you just don't like it. He's using you.  Between the lines I read that you are a lonely woman with low self esteem. That is why you initially thought a man you just met who was proudly waiving the "rebound" flag was "the one." You didn't even know him when you came to that erroneous conclusion. The fact that he was sweet an attentive means it was OK that you started to date but you overlooked the fact that he had no roots in your city & his presence screamed temporary at best.  His preference for plastic surgery told you he is superficial but you moved ahead anyway because you were so desperate for companionship.  You have only known this man 10 months. He already lives with you even though he's professing his love to another woman, trying to win her back & lying about who you are to her. This is not an honest reliable guy you can count on. He's living rent free & you let him. You are being taken advantage of.  He swears he has her blocked and has no feelings for her. But feelings donât change in  24 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: Stop selling yourself short. You know what to think. . .you just don't like it. He's using you.  Between the lines I read that you are a lonely woman with low self esteem. That is why you initially thought a man you just met who was proudly waiving the "rebound" flag was "the one." You didn't even know him when you came to that erroneous conclusion. The fact that he was sweet an attentive means it was OK that you started to date but you overlooked the fact that he had no roots in your city & his presence screamed temporary at best.  His preference for plastic surgery told you he is superficial but you moved ahead anyway because you were so desperate for companionship.  You have only known this man 10 months. He already lives with you even though he's professing his love to another woman, trying to win her back & lying about who you are to her. This is not an honest reliable guy you can count on. He's living rent free & you let him. You are being taken advantage of.  He swears he has no feelings for her and when I discovered those messages between them a few months ago he deleted and blocked her ( because I asked him, though) feelings donât change in the span of a few months right?! Iâm not crazy like heâs telling me I am? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 19, 2021 Share Posted August 19, 2021 Lovely. . . on top of being a cheating controlling ass, he's a felon too. He's gaslighting you & you are letting him.  You sure know how to pick 'em.  1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Desiree1234578593939 Posted August 19, 2021 Author Share Posted August 19, 2021 43 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: Lovely. . . on top of being a cheating controlling ass, he's a felon too. He's gaslighting you & you are letting him.  You sure know how to pick 'em.  Youâre right not worth it I am a good person . I am a single mom, have a great job and am also going to school . 4 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 19, 2021 Share Posted August 19, 2021 Good for you. Since every other aspect of your life is on track & in good order, it's literally time to clean house regarding your love life. It's time to throw out the trash. By keeping the guy what lessons about life & love are you teaching your child?  1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 19, 2021 Share Posted August 19, 2021 44 minutes ago, Desiree1234578593939 said: I am a single mom So this winner lives in your home with your child, too? Desiree, you need to set a better example for that little one. Be a strong woman who doesn't accept garbage users in her life. Whether or not he's blocked his ex is irrevelant - he is not a good person, and is using you. Very obviously so, too. Why do you suppose you have tolerated this crap? Do you feel this is your only chance at finding a man again, or? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
DingDang Posted August 19, 2021 Share Posted August 19, 2021 (edited) Quote he did mention to me that he only likes women with plastic surgery (trying to make you feel insecure) he would freak out about any men messaging me or commenting on my photos (controlling, jealous) i found messages of love from him to his ex (Cheating) he lied about a place he had been (lying) he tells me that they werenât broken up but still talking (cheating, gaslighting) he also needs to marry for immigration purposes (Using)  he is on probation (felon) a bit controlling he has never done anything remotely romantic (doesn't care about you) has been living in my apartment not helping with any bills (using you) Every time I ask him why he broke up with his ex he freaks out, gets defensive and starts tallying a whole list of the things Iâve done âwrongâ (deflection) Are you even serious right now? He's waving almost every red flag in the User Loser's Handbook at you. WTF, girl?? The real question is WHY do you even care if he loves you? Don't be a loser-lover. Boot his ass out. Model strength to your children before they end up asking these same sort of questions on the internet 20 years from now. Edited August 19, 2021 by DingDang 4 Link to post Share on other sites
LynneVicious Posted August 19, 2021 Share Posted August 19, 2021 Girl. You are setting yourself up to get scammed, hurt and used. There are no positives to this relationship. If you have any self worth, end it NOW. Link to post Share on other sites
beentheredonethat77 Posted August 19, 2021 Share Posted August 19, 2021 (edited) please dont leave this guy with your little one alone, hes giving all of us the creeps with just info you've given us.. and im sure there is more.. ....  you mentioned you have a job and go to school, im sure you're a great Mom who has good care for your child so he/she is not alone with him...... i wouldn't trust this idiot as far as you can throw him. Edited August 19, 2021 by beentheredonethat77 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 19, 2021 Share Posted August 19, 2021 8 hours ago, Desiree1234578593939 said: He is on probation for stealing a package a few years ago. It just keeps sounding worse and worse. You don't need a creep like this in your home or life.đŠđŠ Link to post Share on other sites
Author Desiree1234578593939 Posted August 19, 2021 Author Share Posted August 19, 2021 2 hours ago, beentheredonethat77 said: please dont leave this guy with your little one alone, hes giving all of us the creeps with just info you've given us.. and im sure there is more.. ....  you mentioned you have a job and go to school, im sure you're a great Mom who has good care for your child so he/she is not alone with him...... i wouldn't trust this idiot as far as you can throw him. I do; I have my parents nearby and my sons father.  I would never leave him alone.  There is more đłđ Link to post Share on other sites
LynneVicious Posted August 19, 2021 Share Posted August 19, 2021 18 minutes ago, Desiree1234578593939 said: I do; I have my parents nearby and my sons father.  I would never leave him alone.  There is more đłđ In sure the âmoreâ is not good. Do you have self esteem issues? Iâm sure youâre a lovely woman. Can you name 3 positive things  he brings to your life? Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted August 19, 2021 Share Posted August 19, 2021 This guy sounds more like a chicken dinner than a winner. You'll be okay OP - just keep surrounding yourself with a good support system. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 20, 2021 Share Posted August 20, 2021 11 hours ago, Desiree1234578593939 said: I do; I have my parents nearby and my sons father. Â I would never leave him alone. Â There is more đłđ Meaning? Has this guy abused children before? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Desiree1234578593939 Posted August 20, 2021 Author Share Posted August 20, 2021 7 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: Meaning? Has this guy abused children before? No. He had a daughter  who is around 13 yo, the mother and he are going for a custody battle right now, theyâve had 50/50 for a while. He is not abusive to her no.  Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 20, 2021 Share Posted August 20, 2021 59 minutes ago, Desiree1234578593939 said: No. He had a daughter  who is around 13 yo, the mother and he are going for a custody battle right now, theyâve had 50/50 for a while. He is not abusive to her no.  Is that the "more" you were referring to a couple posts back? Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 20, 2021 Share Posted August 20, 2021 (edited) come on now....you got a brain, use it! You know your worth! stop settling! Edited August 20, 2021 by smackie9 Link to post Share on other sites
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