Conflicted - bored but extremely nice guy

[Wmbuhb]

I’ve been in a relationship with my partner for two years, and a large percentage of this time, I’ve been extremely bored of being with him and I feel extremely guilty for this. As he is a such a nice guy he’d do absolutely anything for me and is crazy about me! But I just can’t feel that way about him. I’m always looking for reasons not to see him, as when I do I’m just constantly thinking up conversations.  I’m really outgoing and confident where he is very reserved! He’s only met my friends once in this time period as I was just so embarrassed as my friends are all like me and it was horrible hearing them try and talk loads to him and getting one words answers from him. I could tell exactly what they were thinking. I really want to end things with him and if the opportunity arose to be friends as I feel a constant weight on my shoulders but I also don’t want to hurt him! Shall I carry on unhappy knowing I’ve got someone’s who’s really nice cares for me and wouldn’t hurt me, or do I do what makes me happy 

[d0nnivain]

It's time for you to be a truly nice person to him by freeing him to go find somebody who loves everything about him. 

By keeping him around you are using him. Stop.  

[ShyViolet]

You absolutely need to break up with him and stop stringing him along.  "Nice" isn't enough.  It's wrong to stay in a relationship when you know you don't feel the same way about the person as they do about you.  End this before you waste any more time.

[Weezy1973]

3 hours ago, Wmbuhb said:

Shall I carry on unhappy knowing I’ve got someone’s who’s really nice cares for me and wouldn’t hurt me, or do I do what makes me happy 

Is this a trick question? 

[chillii]

hth did you make it to two yrs if your always looking for excuses not to see him , why did you even get involved with him. l've known really nice women that would've made beautiful wives , but sadly that's a kinda so what if l didn't feel the right stuff ,  what's the point.

Anyway, obviously you have to part ways and find somebody that floats the boat.

[Miss Spider]

Story of my ****ing life. 

[lostmanfrombr]

It puzzles me how some people date someone they consider boring. And for two years... just imagine how devasted he would be if he knew exactly what you think about him. I'm pretty sure he will have a hard time in all his future relationships.

 

Break up now. There's plenty of nice people who can't keep their mouth shut. Sooner or later you'll find a nice parrot to be your boyfriend.

[Lotsgoingon]

You have a profound misunderstanding of romance. We do not stay with someone just because they are "a nice person." So what? 

Think: do companies hire workers because "they are nice"? Do companies hire CEO's because "they are nice"? No. You hire people based on their ability to add value and competence and energy for the company. 

Dating is much more person than hiring a CEO. You open your total heart to a love interest, you share everything. First quality: you really like the person, like wildly like the person. You cannot skip that first criteria. 

You're worried about hurting his feelings. This is romance. Disappointment and heartbreak are part of the romantic game, the romantic quest. We may like someone who doesn't like us. We may be in a relationship feeling things are great. The other person thinks things are not great. We're talking about criminal violations here. People recover from romantic breakups. The vast majority of people have been dumped at some point, sometimes multiple times. People don't die. In fact, they often learn from these breakups. 

Frankly, even for friendship we require more than that they be "nice." We want reliability, smarts, humor, compassionate, enthusiasm about life and on and on. 

It's not just OK to want to leave this guy, it's actually honorable to leave him given that you don't want to be with him. What you're doing now--lying to him by staying with him--is what is dishonorable.