Still in contact with AP

[Myabee]

On 8/21/2021 at 4:02 AM, Bestiefriend said:

As far as a I know, this is a one time mistake. I won’t let poor judgement ruin our friendship. I don’t agree on this matter, but my friend holds so many more qualities, that I simply won’t cut a friend out of my life entirely, based on a disagreement.

Mistake? Your friend made a choice. 

[Bonifidelifelover]

On 8/20/2021 at 10:34 AM, Bestiefriend said:

I know it is none of my business, but when someone close to me, reveals such intimate info, in hope of some sort of understanding, it’s quite hard not to get involved. I have tried to explain to my friend, that my friend, has an obligation towards the spouse and make it better. Otherwise just it out. Since my friend decided to stray, the only thing that counts now, is to be the best partner ever, and that does not include an AP. Otherwise it is just fake.

I’m not buying that ur just the friend. Because you have come here for confirmation of something when if u were actually JUST the friend who is being told stuff. You wouldn’t need that confirmation or assurance of something. You would just be able to go off ur own thoughts, opinions, feelings etc yet you’ve made an account & have a vested interest somehow other than simply the friend. 
 

this site is for the parties involved so no need to hide being the “friend”.
 

Of course if someone is married there’s no way texting someone flirting while They are married is ok. If they’re doing it, without any physical contact it’s just filling a Void.,it’s excitement, interesting etc. the wife will still be first

[HowToQuit]

14 hours ago, Bonifidelifelover said:

I’m not buying that ur just the friend. Because you have come here for confirmation of something when if u were actually JUST the friend who is being told stuff.

I am convinced the OP is not a friend. No friend can be that vested in the personal life of a friend to invest time in seeking out the right forum, writing the posts, etc. This is the behaviour of the vested person. 

Edited September 25, 2021 by HowToQuit
Grammar

[Starswillshine]

48 minutes ago, HowToQuit said:

I am convinced the OP is not a friend. No friend can be that vested in the personal life of a friend to invest time in seeking out the right forum, writing the posts, etc. This is the behaviour of the vested person. 

My first thought when reading this is that this is the AP and wondering if this MP just lacks respects for the spouse and if so does that mean that the MP will end up with OP. 

That's how it felt reading it. 

[ExpatInItaly]

17 hours ago, HowToQuit said:

I am convinced the OP is not a friend. No friend can be that vested in the personal life of a friend to invest time in seeking out the right forum, writing the posts, etc. This is the behaviour of the vested person. 

Agreed. 

This person is too invested to believe it's a third party. 

[Myabee]

20 hours ago, HowToQuit said:

I am convinced the OP is not a friend. No friend can be that vested in the personal life of a friend to invest time in seeking out the right forum, writing the posts, etc. This is the behaviour of the vested person. 

I was arriving at the same conclusion here.

[spiritedaway2003]

OP, it’d be much simpler if you just come out and ask, “can a WS remain friends with an AP if the WS had decided to stay in the marriage?”

Since the question is asked in such a masked way, I will offer advice based on the scenarios:  

1.  If you are just a friend, back off.  There is no need for you to be so invested in someone else’s relationship.  If what your friend is doing is bothering you, then take a break from that friendship.  Check your own boundaries. 

2.  You could be the BS, and you know about the affair (discovered or not).  You know WS wants to remain in the marriage but is still keeping in touch with AP (in the dialed down “still friends with AP” version).  That is not considered a reconciliation.  

3. You could be the AP wondering why a WS who had decided to stay in the marriage wants to keep in touch as friends.  He could genuinely enjoy your company, he could be keeping you as a back burner, he could be worried you could blow up his life.  Who knows.

I don’t know which is what in your case, but if you are the BS, the reconciliation isn’t going well. If you are the AP, he is leading you on (and you should try to move on).  If you are a neutral friend, back off and let the friend figure things out for themselves.

Edited September 26, 2021 by spiritedaway2003