[Repost of an old thread with full info/story] Am I wrong to think my roommate made an unneccessarily harsh comment?

[glows]

Are you in charge of kitchen duty? Is there a problem with mice or other vermin? 

Back in my day we didn’t live like that. It was fun and peaceful. I lived in shared housing with maybe 60 other students for two years. I don’t recall ever getting mad at someone for being dirty. Later I was in a co-ed house with guys and it was ridiculous but they toned it down if I was home. There are some things however I can’t unsee.

Maybe Covid restrictions are making things more challenging as well. You seem at home quite a lot. Take breaks and hang out outside. Don’t send anymore messages about dirty things. People may be busy. Look at finding your own place soon.

 

 

[Hokuto]

25 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Yes. Work around things. Try not to make enemies with people you have to live with by texting hostile messages. You're all adults, no? 

How hostile do my messages sound? Like enemy provoking?

I mentioned in my other thread, my housemate who makes comments about violence was saying I should get beat up for this stuff, is that right

also one housemate said this once too, is this hostile
 

Guys, the sink AGAIN ! CLEAN YOUR

f***ING

DISHES AFTER YOURSELF HOW IS THIS NOT GETTING ANY MORE CLEARER ? Cheers

Edited July 25, 2021 by Hokuto

[jspice]

How many times are you going to ask this? First you’re the one who sent the message, then you’re the one who got the message. 

[Hokuto]

2 minutes ago, jspice said:

How many times are you going to ask this? First you’re the one who sent the message, then you’re the one who got the message. 

?

Edited July 25, 2021 by Hokuto

[glows]

That is extremely rude and inappropriate. Why do you care so much about the dishes? 

It reminds me of the other thread where your father got upset with you for making a mess in the room with the spilled food. Is there some correlation and simmering rage there?

[Hokuto]

2 minutes ago, glows said:

That is extremely rude and inappropriate. Why do you care so much about the dishes? 

It reminds me of the other thread where your father got upset with you for making a mess in the room with the spilled food. Is there some correlation and simmering rage there?

What is rude and inappropiate which comment? The one with the F word? That was not me it was another housemate

[Wiseman2]

31 minutes ago, Hokuto said:

also one housemate said this once too, is this hostile.Guys, the sink AGAIN ! CLEAN YOUR f***INGDISHES AFTER YOURSELF HOW IS THIS NOT GETTING ANY MORE CLEARER ? Cheers

So? Stop the  mess wars.  Stop the pissing contests and ego trips. Stay in your own lane. Eat, clean, leave . Why are you escalating this? 

Edited July 25, 2021 by Wiseman2

[glows]

Just now, Hokuto said:

What is rude and inappropiate which comment? The one with the F word? That was not me it was another housemate

I misread that it was your housemate. Messages like those shouldn’t ever be sent. 

Eventually the dishes are going get used up and there will be no clean ones left. If the sink is full set the dirty ones aside in a basin on the countertop. It costs a few dollars. People can leave their dishes there then if they don’t want to do them right away. It’s not up to you or anyone else to police when others do their dishes. Getting angry or hostile towards other housemates breeds more resentment and people might not do them just to spite those who get angry. Don’t get involved in this any further.

[Hokuto]

6 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

So? Stop the  mess wars.  Stop the pissing contests and ego trips. Stay in your own lane. Eat, clean, leave . Why are you escalating this? 

That wasn't me who said it. I do wash my dishes

I wonder if that comment was hostile and again, I mentioned in my other thread who said I should get beat up due to my comment in my first thread, does he have a point?

4 minutes ago, glows said:

I misread that it was your housemate. Messages like those shouldn’t ever be sent. 

Eventually the dishes are going get used up and there will be no clean ones left. If the sink is full set the dirty ones aside in a basin on the countertop. It costs a few dollars. People can leave their dishes there then if they don’t want to do them right away. It’s not up to you or anyone else to police when others do their dishes. Getting angry or hostile towards other housemates breeds more resentment and people might not do them just to spite those who get angry. Don’t get involved in this any further.

so was his message aggressive?

also, I asked above but in my other thread when I said another roommate makes weird jokes about violence, he was saying I should get beat up due to my comments above in first post, does he have a point or is he saying worse

Edited July 25, 2021 by Hokuto

[spiderowl]

It sounds like you need to find somewhere else to move to where you are not sharing with others.  If you find their habits too unpleasant and cannot tolerate them without making complaints, then it is best if you don't share with others.

If someone had sent you the messages you have sent to others, how would you feel? 

Edited July 26, 2021 by spiderowl

[Hokuto]

Ok, so I posted this before but feel like I did not explain fully, so let me clarify:

In my house, we have different recycling bins for cardboard and plastic. So when I recycled, I did leave the wrappers for one snack in their cardboard boxes and then I put it in the cardboard bin as I thought it would get thrown out all at once and its easier to get rid of. One time when I mentioned people living food in the sink, one housemate brought up how they remove the wrappers from the cardboard for me many times over the past 7 months, which has his first time saying it. I then explained how I didn't think people went through the trouble of that or expect them to do that for me as I assumed it all just gets thrown out together as its simply easier to leave all those wrappers in the box and toss it out and said sorry and I will be more careful on recycling and there were no issues for a month before I left

A month later, when I packed to leave for a trip, I poorly planned, so I filled the plastic recycling bin in the week it wasn't to get taken out and also left my ps5 cardboard package in the living room behind the couch. I then later got a text and photo from my housemate which was like "do you expect us to continue to pick up after you, i hope you learn to chill out and take some responsibility with next housemates"

I said sorry for leaving it and all but I said I found his comment unneccessarily harsh and I say this because: I admit, I did make a mistake here but I find this comment pretty harsh a

A. I asked him twice if there are any other issues he had, so I am unsure if he means he had to take out my recycling like this time or referring to the wrappers incident

B. I have taken out the recyling bins , trash and such many times over I was there during the month. In fact, I did it twice in a row before I left and not to mention when our garbage spilled in the lawn, I cleaned it up before the neighbors complained. So its not like I haven't take it out a fair proportion of the time and his comment would make sense if I never or rarely took the recycling bin

C. The cardboard box was a one time thing, I have never left any stuff before in the living room nor do I have a history of leaving stuff in there

I think he's kind of being a jerk honestly due to the above as I feel like he's being passive aggressive about it, considering I did ask him twice for other issues and also, I have taken out recycling and trash many time

[basil67]

I remember your previous thread and I say this kindly - you would be wise to let it go.   In our lives, things get said which may rub us up the wrong way.  Or we may feel that people are over reacting.   But running those things over and over in our head does nobody any good.

There will be many differences of opinion in your life (and everyone else’s lives). So, if you’re comfortable that you did nothing wrong, then this is all that matters. 

[glows]

This is probably good practice learning to live with others and perhaps motivation to find your own place.

I think texting each other about house issues is incredibly immature. Whose idea was it to text or create a group chat over this? Have one house meeting every other week or once a month and discuss your issues in person. Mute all the texts coming from that group chat and don’t send anything or participate in it. Move out and find your own place. You’ll save yourself the headache in future.