Author Hokuto Posted September 7, 2021 Author Share Posted September 7, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, ShyViolet said: You've made many posts about this same situation. Posting about it over and over is not going to change anything.... you need to start taking the hints that this person is not as into this long-distance friendship as you are. This friendship is not a priority to them and they are trying to keep their distance. Stop obsessing over this person and get other friends. You keep saying that but they set aside an hour for us to facetime recently It sounds to me they are just busy as they said they did not talk to another friend and have not had enough time for themselves. They said they do not want to spread themselves thin How are they trying to keep their distance? Edited September 7, 2021 by Hokuto Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 7, 2021 Share Posted September 7, 2021 In general, people are turned off by this level of clinginess. Step back. Make more friends. Is this the crush? Link to post Share on other sites
lana-banana Posted September 7, 2021 Share Posted September 7, 2021 9 hours ago, Hokuto said: Uh how are they telling me that? They said replies are late for long distance friends in general not just me. They also said they appreciate me reaching out to them though. It seems they just reply late in general to long distance friends as they have a lot going on at the moment as they said they do not have enough time for themselves I mean we face timed for like an hr and I just asked why they reply late and explained that and said not to take it personally They mentioned they have not talked to another friend either This person is trying to tell you to please back off. You need to respect them and leave them alone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 7, 2021 Share Posted September 7, 2021 Your long distance friend told you they were not in a good place emotionally. Then they moved. Moving is stressful. While going through all of that they didn't have the mental / emotional reserves to give you & your friendship the time it takes to nurture & sustain a friendship. When you reached out they rightly declined to engage with you virtually while they were entertaining other friends in person. From an etiquette perspective it's usually better to deal with live people rather than those on a device. The long weekend just ended. See if this friend gets back to you within the week If they do not, take the hint & let this go. Keep them on social media if you like but stop thinking this person is someone you can genuinely rely on. Meanwhile do things to expand your social circle & make new friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hokuto Posted September 7, 2021 Author Share Posted September 7, 2021 (edited) 3 hours ago, lana-banana said: This person is trying to tell you to please back off. You need to respect them and leave them alone. No all they just said is not to take it personally when they reply late as they have a lot going on Like it is not just me Edited September 7, 2021 by Hokuto Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hokuto Posted September 7, 2021 Author Share Posted September 7, 2021 2 hours ago, d0nnivain said: Your long distance friend told you they were not in a good place emotionally. Then they moved. Moving is stressful. While going through all of that they didn't have the mental / emotional reserves to give you & your friendship the time it takes to nurture & sustain a friendship. When you reached out they rightly declined to engage with you virtually while they were entertaining other friends in person. From an etiquette perspective it's usually better to deal with live people rather than those on a device. The long weekend just ended. See if this friend gets back to you within the week If they do not, take the hint & let this go. Keep them on social media if you like but stop thinking this person is someone you can genuinely rely on. Meanwhile do things to expand your social circle & make new friends. I offered to postpone when they had friends they offered to make time Also we just zoom called 2 days ago Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hokuto Posted September 7, 2021 Author Share Posted September 7, 2021 8 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: In general, people are turned off by this level of clinginess. Step back. Make more friends. Is this the crush? How am. I being clingy? I do not text them daily and we went a month without texting? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 7, 2021 Share Posted September 7, 2021 1 hour ago, Hokuto said: I offered to postpone when they had friends they offered to make time Also we just zoom called 2 days ago If you just zoom called 2 days ago, what is the problem? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 7, 2021 Share Posted September 7, 2021 13 hours ago, Hokuto said: You keep saying that but they set aside an hour for us to facetime recently It sounds to me they are just busy as they said they did not talk to another friend and have not had enough time for themselves. They said they do not want to spread themselves thin How are they trying to keep their distance? They sat aside an hour to talk to you thinking that would be enough for a while. You obviously want a daily conversation with this friend and they are trying to be nice but probably are seeing you as a burden. I think you should back off for a few (3 weeks) and only talk to them when they contact you first. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hokuto Posted September 8, 2021 Author Share Posted September 8, 2021 21 hours ago, stillafool said: They sat aside an hour to talk to you thinking that would be enough for a while. You obviously want a daily conversation with this friend and they are trying to be nice but probably are seeing you as a burden. I think you should back off for a few (3 weeks) and only talk to them when they contact you first. I do not think they see me as a burden we do not talk daily Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hokuto Posted September 8, 2021 Author Share Posted September 8, 2021 22 hours ago, d0nnivain said: If you just zoom called 2 days ago, what is the problem? With what they told me does it sound like they are not interested in being friends anymore or not want to.make.time.for me? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hokuto Posted September 8, 2021 Author Share Posted September 8, 2021 (edited) We do not talk daily we did not talk over summer much even. Why do people say they want me to leave them alone when they mentioned another good friend they did not talk to Edited September 8, 2021 by Hokuto Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hokuto Posted September 10, 2021 Author Share Posted September 10, 2021 I have a pretty good friend who is long distance and I start to wonder if I have caught feelings for them as I started to worry if I was more invested in the friendship and they see me as a priority friend as I usually text first and got bothered they never comment on my insta but do for others which made me feel they are not interested in keeping up. Lately they told me they are busy and keeping up with friends who are not there is hard so I should not take it personally when they reply late which is fine but now I worry concern it means they want to step back from being friends which is not true Anyway it will not work out and I think about them a lot. So how can I properly let these feelings die. I muted them on social media and all but what else can I do? Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted September 10, 2021 Share Posted September 10, 2021 Get going with life. You need to make friends and have activities to do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted September 10, 2021 Share Posted September 10, 2021 The only way you will allow yourself to get over this is to completely stop talking to this person. Accept that this friendship is over, and move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hokuto Posted September 10, 2021 Author Share Posted September 10, 2021 3 minutes ago, ShyViolet said: The only way you will allow yourself to get over this is to completely stop talking to this person. Accept that this friendship is over, and move on. No we are still friends. Stop saying that We talked a few days ago. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hokuto Posted September 10, 2021 Author Share Posted September 10, 2021 19 minutes ago, smackie9 said: Get going with life. You need to make friends and have activities to do. I currently am in quarantine for 4 more days Link to post Share on other sites
Taramere Posted September 11, 2021 Share Posted September 11, 2021 13 hours ago, Hokuto said: I currently am in quarantine for 4 more days Aren't there things you can be getting on with that don't require assistance or input from friends? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted September 11, 2021 Share Posted September 11, 2021 stop talking to them as much or you will never see the end of this. Just for awhile until you have other things occupying your time. Then there will not be a need for them to be in your life. Link to post Share on other sites
TheEternalPessimist Posted September 13, 2021 Share Posted September 13, 2021 Call me childish but I consider friends forgetting my birthday to be a big deal given I have never forgotten a single friend's birthday in my entire life. You have every right to be upset. Only time will tell if the apology was indeed genuine. Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted September 13, 2021 Share Posted September 13, 2021 While I do feel a bit slighted if a good friend forgets my birthday, I also tend to not make a big deal out of it, because chances are, I will forget too! Just this year, a good friend forgot my birthday and remembered weeks after, as we were texting. She was like "Did I forget your birthday?!?!" And I said yes, you did, no worries. And then said I would probably forget hers. She's not on FB anymore, so the reminder isn't there! And it happened. I texted her a few days after her birthday, when I remembered, because it was another close friend's birthday. All this to say that no, it doesn't mean you're not good friends. People forget. If they didn't care, they wouldn't have asked if they had wished you a happy birthday, and made a big deal of it. They would have ignored it completely and carried on with the conversation. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted September 17, 2021 Share Posted September 17, 2021 How close exactly are you? There are 4 friends in my life whose birthdays are in my phone calendar and whom I will wish every year (aside from family and spouse, obv). All 4 of them have been with me for over a decade through thick and thin, they are very special to me. Everyone else, I'll wish them if I happen to be on FB that day and see the notification, otherwise I won't. Not everyone has the time or inclination to check social media on a daily basis. Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted September 17, 2021 Share Posted September 17, 2021 are you wanting a closer relationship with this person, is that why you're making this so important? i rarely hear from my best friends on my birthday. based on the age you listed, i've been friends with these people longer than you've been alive. our friendships don't rely on remembering one day a year. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted September 17, 2021 Share Posted September 17, 2021 On 8/30/2021 at 10:37 PM, Hokuto said: Valid but you never commented on their response though? Sorry, I missed your reply. Their response makes me feel like they place little importance on Facebook birthday reminders. That they reply to some and not others without a great deal of thought. In my view, this pretty much sums up the far majority of FB birthday responses. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted September 18, 2021 Share Posted September 18, 2021 I don't really care actually, personally. It's possible the person was quite busy. I don't make it a point to remember my own birthday but will put others' birthdays in my phone to be mindful as it is a good thought to wish someone. I'd let this go, enjoy the year ahead. Happy birthday, by the way, although belated. Link to post Share on other sites
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