How to stop feeling insecure/worried when friends aren't in contact

[Wiseman2]

15 minutes ago, Hokuto said:

to get rid of rumination and anxiety

You need to see a physician for this for an appropriate evaluation and treatment.

It could indicate any number of mood, anxiety disorders or other underlying issues.

You then need to get a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support.

This has nothing to do with this crush or sexual orientation or what to do in in fall etc.

Talking about it over and over and over again to your friends, family roommates, etc., won't help either.

[Hokuto]

1 minute ago, Olivia24 said:

If you  dont  mind me asking, how old are you? It seems to me if they arent responding then maybe you should  move  on though im sure OCD makes that  hard. I dont think you are a  loser  or  pathetic. And dont  judge yourself on what you think someone else's  life  is  like. You dont really  know. Someone  might  look at  my life and think, "that girl really  has it  going on" without  knowing that  inside im a  cauldron of  self-doubt and  insecurity. Again, dont judge yourself  to be a  loser  or  pathetic  based  on what you  think someone else's  life  is  like.

I'm 21-23

[Hokuto]

4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

You need to see a physician for this for an appropriate evaluation and treatment.

It could indicate any number of mood, anxiety disorders or other underlying issues.

You then need to get a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support.

This has nothing to do with this crush or sexual orientation or what to do in in fall etc.

Talking about it over and over and over again to your friends, family roommates, etc., won't help either.

i am abroad and can't do so now so I have tried tips like meditating or telling myself my fears are just in my head and not true or trying to distract myself

[jspice]

5 minutes ago, Olivia24 said:

A  bit younger than me. I  like you and  nobody i like  is a  loser  or  pathetic. You are cool. Try really hard not to judge yourself  based  what  you  think about  someone else.

Find something to keep yourself occupied. 
Read. if you have a kindle download some books. 
if not, it’s easy to get books delivered these days. 
 

Take up a hobby. My sister paints, her husband loves Lego.  I knit. 
 

go out and exercise. 
 

Do something. 
 

[Hokuto]

3 minutes ago, jspice said:

Find something to keep yourself occupied. 
Read. if you have a kindle download some books. 
if not, it’s easy to get books delivered these days. 
 

Take up a hobby. My sister paints, her husband loves Lego.  I knit. 
 

go out and exercise. 
 

Do something. 
 

I gym 3 times a week and tried to learn drawing

[max3732]

12 hours ago, Fletch Lives said:

I'm never ordering Caesar salad again! 😜

Glad I ordered the steak on my date and not a Caesar salad!

[basil67]

3 hours ago, Hokuto said:

However, I suffer from anxiety/rumination/OCD 

This combination of mental health issues would have have been diagnosed by a psychiatrist or psychologist.  Are you still seeing them?  If so, what do they recommend you do?

Edited July 18, 2021 by basil67
punctuation

[Donnas]

Plan your days. And put it on paper and do it. 

That way u got no time to waste.

[ ]

Anyway...doing charity can also be of great help and you get alot oit of it.

Edited July 19, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
intolerance

[Wiseman2]

11 hours ago, Hokuto said:

I'm 21-23

Ok. So far keeping busy with sports, work/school, hobbies, interests,etc. is a good idea.

However you are obsessing about something that you have no control over.

Whether it's this crush,  or analyzing her social media etc. you're still not getting medical help for the obsessions, ruminating, anxiety, etc.

You're not stalking her or causing problems, but many stalkers have untreated obsessions like this.

 

[Hokuto]

5 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Ok. So far keeping busy with sports, work/school, hobbies, interests,etc. is a good idea.

However you are obsessing about something that you have no control over.

Whether it's this crush,  or analyzing her social media etc. you're still not getting medical help for the obsessions, ruminating, anxiety, etc.

You're not stalking her or causing problems, but many stalkers have untreated obsessions like this.

 

Where I am, it is hard to or non existant right now. I try meditation or remind myself its all in my heads

[Angelle]

I'm reading a book called The Kindness Method, because I'm always tripping myself up, when it comes to changing habits, or anything else. This wasn't always the case for me - I had more distractions in the past, and also didn't feel so hopeless regarding my life in general. I do know how you feel: I'm stuck in a town that was actually dubbed the dullest town in my State, and there isn't much to do beyond that. I've also never been into partying, though, so it would depend on what you really consider to be living. If it's non-stop parties, and getting drunk, I don't think that's living. 

[Hokuto]

I notice in most of my friendships I usually have to text firsts and all. Like they give engaged responses and all but when I hear online about people saying texting first means they do not care or would drop you if you stopped,it would mean you would never hear from them. So is it bad to mainly text first

[ASG]

If no one ever texts first, no one will ever text. 

If their replies are engaging and engaged, then it's not really a big problem. 

Always texting first is only a problem if the other person isn't really bothering replying or meeting up.

So you're the one who has to judge if it's problematic or not!

[Hokuto]

Sometimes some friendships have people who usually text first and all. For people in those friendships, how are you sure or secure that they will not forget you or if you did not text, you would never hear from them? What if you don't text them for like a month and you don't get a text? Like even if they are engaged or make an effort in responses or genuine respond, how can you be sure?

Edited August 23, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
shorten title

[Syd8]

When I had close friends I was the one always making first contact, always suggesting and making plans. I decided to stop being that person and they never would text, call or plan anything with me. They were never my friends and they just faded out of my life. If someone really cares about you they will put in equal effort. 

[Hokuto]

So like 2 years ago, I became friends with someone and saw them quite regularly. I once helped them during an emotional time and they said I am good friend like 3 times. When texting, I usually did first but they did as well. They left/moved but said I am someone they don't think they'll forget and i have been a good friend to them after I chatted with them to say bye.  For last summer, we didn't talk much but chatted more regularly in fall and they suggested we face time and we did like twice so far in the year and still chatted over text, but I mainly iniated but they were engaged and did like twice. This summer, they were busy, so did not hear from them a week when I asked to ft and saw them active/posting on social media. I got anxious and assumed the worst but another friend said they hardly hear from them as well. So I asked them if things are fine, they said yes and we will FT and they have been busy. I said we could do it later and have not talked to them for like a month since then. I asked to ft like yesterday and they said sure but they have friends in town so they will get back to me but I suggested we postpone it.  The thing is, I do wonder if maybe I misread the friendship and we are not as good friends as I think as i usually have to text first.  I think we are pretty good friends and all but like I said, I didn't talk to them for like a month and they did not say anything to me either and when I did, they seemed like it was normal or something. So does it sound like I misread things or am more invested or am I overthinking as I do have anxiety/overthink things a lot.

[d0nnivain]

I have had friends for 50 years.  I have no idea who texts 1st.  If I want to talk to them, I reach out & vice versa.  We haven't had daily contact in decades.   

Good friendships evolve over time.  

[central]

I've also had friends for 50 years.  We may have years between contacts, and longer between visits, but we always seem to pick up right where we left off.

[Wiseman2]

is this a romantic interest or a friend?

[ShyViolet]

They moved away, and are moving on with their life.  You are probably not going to be close friends anymore.  That's just life.  Stop chasing this person.  If they don't put in any effort to contact you and you are always the one trying to pursue contact, take the hint and leave them alone.  Make new friends.

[Hokuto]

1 hour ago, ShyViolet said:

They moved away, and are moving on with their life.  You are probably not going to be close friends anymore.  That's just life.  Stop chasing this person.  If they don't put in any effort to contact you and you are always the one trying to pursue contact, take the hint and leave them alone.  Make new friends.

I don't think that's the case. Some friendships just have people initiate and if they are engaged its fine

I mean after they moved, we didn't talk last summer but when I reached out fall, we talked again and they suggested we face time and they reached out to me a few times

I recently asked to facetime and they agreed as well

[Hokuto]

I have not spoken to a friend for like a month sinceI asked to ft like yesterday and they said sure but they have friends in town so they will get back to me after they think of a time . I suggested we postpone it later in that case and they agreed. Despite this I have a nagging fear/feeling I am being blown off or dropped as we have not talked for a month and all or being dropped as low priority, which makes me feel kinda self centered so how can I stop overthinking and feeling this.

[glows]

He or she could have forgotten? Why not shoot your friend a text and check in? 

[Hokuto]

8 minutes ago, glows said:

He or she could have forgotten? Why not shoot your friend a text and check in? 

Oh no let me explain

I asked them to face time and they said they have friends in town but we can connect after they find a time and let me know. I then proposed we do it later and they agreed. I worry that them agreeing so quickly means I am low priority or that they don't try to squeeze in time means they would forget about me

[glows]

If that person tends to do that or has a history of doing that then it could be a possibility. Is it worth worrying over? A friend makes an effort to be there in your life or at least you both have some sincerity. You can’t trust this person to get back to you - what loss is it if they walked off the face of the earth? You haven’t lost any friendship that wasn’t there to begin with.