Botox lies

[Merk]

So myself and my girlfriend have been together for 3 years now and I love her deeply, she is 38 and I’m 40. 
Only recently I was cleaning up our house and came across a receipt on the floor it was for over two thousand euro worth of cosmetic treatment, Botox, cheek fillers and some other eye injection, I was taken back by this, why would she want this, why didn’t she tell me, what did she tell me she was doing that day. I was overcome with anxiety, I always felt we had a very honest relationship and that’s of paramount importance. 
Anyway when I eventually saw her, I asked did ever get work done on her face, she replied ‘no’ with certainty. I then though ok I’ve to come clean now since she didn’t, I told her I fiend a receipt for a bunch of procedures. Then she said ‘oh’ and admitted it, I asked why she didn’t tell me, she said she didn’t want anyone to notice and I didn’t notice, I said maybe I didn’t but you should of told me. 
She said she was conscious of bags under her eyes, the rest of the night was pretty silent. The next day I’m still hurt and she seemed more concerned about being caught as opposed to coming clean, I mentioned I did make comments about her face at the time, but she brushed them off so I wouldn’t then pursue as I trust her. 
I was then really interested in the whole story I asked what she told work that day, she told them she had a dentist appointment, I asked if she drove she said yes, then I remembered she didn’t have her car that day, she then quickly said oh no I got two buses over. I commented on the amount of time off work, she said it wasn’t a big deal. 
I then asked about procedures and she said it was all about the bags then when looking on the side I noticed the other stuff had little do with eyes, Botox in forehead for instance. She got very defensive and said only the eyes, I had to ask did doctor say anything about it, where did he inject you, she said she didn’t remember. I reassured her that I only wanted whole story, we fought for some time as she wouldn’t answer or discuss it with me. I asked if she went alone, she said yes. 
I told her all through that she didn’t need my approval but I was only upset at the trust issue and the fact she felt bad about her looks. 
I still feel I haven’t got the whole truth, she swore it was her first procedure, she said she went straight back to work but just today I found about her receipt for that same day two hours after procedure for a clothes shop, I’m left with uncertainty and anxiety that of course  amplifies some trust issues I take responsibility for. 
 

[d0nnivain]

You came at her all wrong -- accusing & being mad at her.  

She had work done because she was insecure about her looks.  She did not like that she was insecure & then you attacked her.   

You are not entitled to "the truth".   Her decisions about her cosmetic looks are none of your business.  instead of being all high & mighty about her choices, why not be happy that she wanted to look good, in part, for you?  

You can be concerned that your GF feels compelled to hide things from you.  What about you is so judgmental that she feels she can't talk to ?   Think about that.  Your GF had minor surgery & went alone because you weren't there for her.  

You are snooping too much & playing detective when you should be apologizing to your GF for not being more supportive.  Your trust issues & anxiety are ruining thsi relationship.  

In her shoes, I'd dump you for being insensitive, uncaring, judgmental & mean.   

[chillii]

Yeah l agree , holy hell man l'm surprised she didn't just walk out on that interrogation , you sounded like a damn detective on her case like that.

Tbh though , sounds like she just wanted it private, maybe even a bit embarrassed too and she literally said something like she didn't want people to know and probably least of all you . She hoped you'd notice her looking nicer in other words.  Considering, l can understand her wanting it private it wasn't anything bad, you were probably actually a big reason she might've liked it in the first place.

She's entitled to her privacy and dignity in something like this, you don't own her. Personally l think you should've let it alone , instead maybe tell her how nice she's looking lately. She might've even brought it up herself later on at some stage and told you in her own time.

Edited August 23, 2021 by chillii

[stillafool]

What is the real reason you're bothered by this:

1- Because she didn't tell you she was getting these procedures?

2- The amount of money she spends on the procedures?

3- What she really looks like or is going to look like without the procedures?

4- She lied?

I can't stand the botox look as it seems like with time their whole face appears to get larger; but if it's her money she can spend it on anything she wants.

[HappilyMarried]

Hey @Merka couple of observations after reading your post. I may be wrong  but I don't think that you are upset because of the secret or not telling you. I think you believe that there may be another person she is involved with. That she was doing it  for someone else. If I'm totally off base I'm sorry. Then I would agree with the others you are totally in the wrong they way you have handled this.

If it is what I thought you need to still apologize and lay low and observe her behavior and see if their are anything else she starts doing out of the ordinary. Always trust your gut and watch for other things. Best of luck! I hope I am wrong and you just went overboard.

[Allupinnit]

I think you'd be surprised who gets a touch of botox or filler here and there.  You don't need anyone to drive you there or home, sheesh - it's a simple procedure that takes 15 minutes and can leave you looking refreshed and less tired.

Do you expect your gf to tell you every time she spends money on herself?  Do you need to approve of her skin care routine as well, or have an opinion on what she does with her hair?  

Your reaction was completely over the top; you made it all about you and your trust issues.  

Too much filler and botox can make you look like a freak, but a good injector can help take years off your face.  My H knows I get it but couldn't care less; I make my own money. 

[Allupinnit]

I also don't think you found these receipts of hers on accident.  Did you find the clothes shop receipt on the floor next to the one for Botox? 🤨

[Birdies]

A lot of women get these kinds of treatments. With how you reacted, it's no wonder she didn't tell you. 

It's also her own private medical / cosmetic business, not yours.  Does she tell you when she gets a bikini wax?  When she gets a pedicure?  When she shaves her armpits?  You're not married, presumably it's her own money that she's spending.

You should apologize.

[Pumpernickel]

I don’t think getting Botox  etc is a big deal - almost standard these days. I’d be pissed about the lying though. Definitely. 
 

[glows]

On 8/23/2021 at 5:24 AM, Merk said:

So myself and my girlfriend have been together for 3 years now and I love her deeply, she is 38 and I’m 40. 
Only recently I was cleaning up our house and came across a receipt on the floor it was for over two thousand euro worth of cosmetic treatment, Botox, cheek fillers and some other eye injection, I was taken back by this, why would she want this, why didn’t she tell me, what did she tell me she was doing that day. I was overcome with anxiety, I always felt we had a very honest relationship and that’s of paramount importance. 
Anyway when I eventually saw her, I asked did ever get work done on her face, she replied ‘no’ with certainty. I then though ok I’ve to come clean now since she didn’t, I told her I fiend a receipt for a bunch of procedures. Then she said ‘oh’ and admitted it, I asked why she didn’t tell me, she said she didn’t want anyone to notice and I didn’t notice, I said maybe I didn’t but you should of told me. 
She said she was conscious of bags under her eyes, the rest of the night was pretty silent. The next day I’m still hurt and she seemed more concerned about being caught as opposed to coming clean, I mentioned I did make comments about her face at the time, but she brushed them off so I wouldn’t then pursue as I trust her. 
I was then really interested in the whole story I asked what she told work that day, she told them she had a dentist appointment, I asked if she drove she said yes, then I remembered she didn’t have her car that day, she then quickly said oh no I got two buses over. I commented on the amount of time off work, she said it wasn’t a big deal. 
I then asked about procedures and she said it was all about the bags then when looking on the side I noticed the other stuff had little do with eyes, Botox in forehead for instance. She got very defensive and said only the eyes, I had to ask did doctor say anything about it, where did he inject you, she said she didn’t remember. I reassured her that I only wanted whole story, we fought for some time as she wouldn’t answer or discuss it with me. I asked if she went alone, she said yes. 
I told her all through that she didn’t need my approval but I was only upset at the trust issue and the fact she felt bad about her looks. 
I still feel I haven’t got the whole truth, she swore it was her first procedure, she said she went straight back to work but just today I found about her receipt for that same day two hours after procedure for a clothes shop, I’m left with uncertainty and anxiety that of course  amplifies some trust issues I take responsibility for. 
 

Do you know where those trust issues are originating? Do you both have a history of deceit or manipulating each other? Has she lied to you in the past about other things?

Those treatments are very common and not permanent. It's also common to upsell and pointing out a patient's eyebags is one of the oldest selling tricks in the book. A person may go in for one procedure and come out with four. Very typical and some of these places have no qualms pushing more on clients. As an outsider it's easy to see that you're agitated and a bit overly concerned but I would be too. I'd be concerned that I wasn't doing my part in the relationship. 

If you'd like to nurture more trust, let her open up to you. She doesn't seem able to do that. Are you able to let it go and treat this as her decision with nothing to do with you? Start on neutral ground and don't make too many assumptions or take on all that burden assuming that you did anything wrong as her partner. If she doesn't want to talk about it either, you'll have to decide whether that's good enough for you. You live together so you're always around one another and can show your love and acceptance in a lot of ways.

 

[IrinaM]

Quote

I also don't think you found these receipts of hers on accident.  Did you find the clothes shop receipt on the floor next to the one for Botox? 

lol I was thinking the same thing, I don't even get paper receipts most of the time and if i do i throw them in the garbage. the dr who does my botox emails my receipt.

[Wiseman2]

Would you have preferred breast implants?

Seriously, this is nothing to be concerned with.

It's as common as women using face cream or makeup.

 

[Lotsgoingon]

Dude, I'll go you one further: lots of women use all kinds of makeup and hair treatments that guys are only vaguely aware of. If the guy likes it, he says "she looks nice." They  have no idea how much time and creativity and effort a woman partner might  put into her looks. None.  I had an ex with amazing teeth. You want her to get permission about the makeup she uses? 

I was two or three years into a relationship with an ex before I realized she was sneaking a retainer into her mouth each night. She never trusted me to see it. I couldn't care less. Didn't bother me one way or the other. Now, you might say: "Oh, that's orthodontic treatment-- about keeping your teeth straight and healthy." Well the real motivation to keep your teeth straight is often beauty and appearance. So what?!

I'm with others: I can't quite get why you feel betrayed. She doesn't owe you updates or detailed description of her makeup or botox or the type of color she gets added to her hair.  And she has no obligation to run this by you ahead of time. And if you wanted to say, get some cosmetic dental work, you are under no obligation to run this past her. 

If you want to connect with her, you could have hugged her and kissed her and affirmed her choice. The accusation--dude, that was incredibly destructive. She hasn't done anything wrong and yet you approached her in a truth trap. What are you the FBI? That was a blatant manipulative, unfair step on your part.

Your confronting her as you did--really to shame her and make her feel bad when she has done nothing wrong--is 100 x the offense of her getting botox without telling you. 

Your behavior is the offensive rude, distrustful, relationship-destroying betrayal--not hers.