Aussiegirl94 Posted August 24, 2021 Share Posted August 24, 2021 (edited) I do not know if I am overreacting with my partner. My partner and I are in our thirties but I feel like I sound like a broken record with him. I have voiced how it makes me feel when he follows half naked Instagram girls on Instagram. He will unfollow some and then follow new accounts. I know if I posted the same content as these girls he would not like it so I don’t understand why I have to accept him following these accounts. He even got upset during the beginning of our relationship when I would upload photos of my face to my Instagram story. One girl in particular from our hometown that uploads half nude photos I found that he had screenshot multiple photos of her from her Instagram & they were in his photos on his phone(she is a girl that is dating a friend of a friend of his & has never met her) he says all guys follow these kinds of accounts but I know he cannot speak for every male because not every guy is the same. He will be critical of the way I look which really hurts my feelings/makes me feel not good enough and I feel like I am constantly being compared to these females he follows. Edited August 24, 2021 by Aussiegirl94 Typo Link to post Share on other sites
salmagund1 Posted August 24, 2021 Share Posted August 24, 2021 I don't want to be blunt but your boyfriend seems like a ridiculous a**h***.... When I read this I feel like your describing some guy in their very early twenties. You're definitely not describing someone who respects your relationship enough to not force you to accept a hypocritical double standard, much less respect how you might feel about him getting off on half naked photos of random girls AND comparing you unfavourably to them... Is their a good side to this relationship? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aussiegirl94 Posted August 24, 2021 Author Share Posted August 24, 2021 He doesn’t compare me to these girls. More so makes comments about what I wear and my poor posture(I know I need to work on that) He does say I am beautiful and he is attracted to me the most. there are lots of great qualities about my boyfriend. This is just one of the things that gets to me and makes me feel turned off. Link to post Share on other sites
salmagund1 Posted August 24, 2021 Share Posted August 24, 2021 Ok well thats good to know. Now you just need to figure out if he can respect this boundary when he knows it is important to you, or if this is the hill your relationship dies on... Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 24, 2021 Share Posted August 24, 2021 Hi @Aussiegirl94 Greetings from down under. My advice is to work out which things you can change and which things you can't. Regarding the IG pictures he loves, he's already demonstrated that he's not going to respect you on this one, so all you can do is accept that this is comes with him. Nagging him on the topic won't achieve anything, so you really have to decide if this is a deal breaker. What you can change is how you react to him. As he doesn't respect your wishes on IG, then why should you limit your own IG use? And it's rude of him to criticise your clothes and posture, so next time he does it, give him a hard stare and state "I don't recall asking for your opinion". If you're to stay with him, you need to stop accepting his rudeness and criticisms. And even if your posture does need attention, it's not his place to remind you to fix it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aussiegirl94 Posted August 24, 2021 Author Share Posted August 24, 2021 10 minutes ago, basil67 said: Hi @Aussiegirl94 Greetings from down under. My advice is to work out which things you can change and which things you can't. Regarding the IG pictures he loves, he's already demonstrated that he's not going to respect you on this one, so all you can do is accept that this is comes with him. Nagging him on the topic won't achieve anything, so you really have to decide if this is a deal breaker. What you can change is how you react to him. As he doesn't respect your wishes on IG, then why should you limit your own IG use? And it's rude of him to criticise your clothes and posture, so next time he does it, give him a hard stare and state "I don't recall asking for your opinion". If you're to stay with him, you need to stop accepting his rudeness and criticisms. And even if your posture does need attention, it's not his place to remind you to fix it. Thank you for that! That is very helpful Link to post Share on other sites
FudgeSwirl Posted August 24, 2021 Share Posted August 24, 2021 You have expressed how you felt to him and it is clear that he will not stop following those types of accounts. While I am sure your boyfriend has other great qualities putting them aside, you have to think long and hard if you are going to settle for his behavior. Just like the aforementioned decision, he too will have to either accept how you dress and your posture or move along. Nobody has the right to critique your clothing preference unless you request that person's opinion and to treat you like a a small child by asking you to correct your posture. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted August 24, 2021 Share Posted August 24, 2021 He doesn’t respect you. If you have to teach someone that, the relationship is at a deficit and you have done nothing wrong or to deserve that in the first place. That’s the most important thing you have to realize if you take away anything from this experience or relationship. Please open your eyes and take a good look at the things you’ve written. Go away for a week, stay with friends, clear your mind. No matter how much you think you can reason with a person like this it’s not going to work. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted August 24, 2021 Share Posted August 24, 2021 (edited) Yeah , guy here but just on the sm stuff, l find it pretty disrespectful him following these women when he has partner , no way l'd stand for my woman following men on it. l'm not even sure what that entails l'm not into any sm but l'd say it's no wonder your peed. Wonder how his mate feels , his gf all over it and being followed by other guys. Edited August 24, 2021 by chillii Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 24, 2021 Share Posted August 24, 2021 (edited) 8 hours ago, Aussiegirl94 said: I feel like I am constantly being compared to these females he follows. Men are visual creatures. If it's there, they will look. It's not about respect. Think of it more like him thumbing through a dirty magazine. Would you be this upset if he had a subscription to the now defunct Playboy magazine back in the day? If so then maybe it's time to re-evaluate this relationship. You may need somebody who shares your values. He genuinely thinks this is harmless & you are overreacting. It can be hard but he's really not comparing you to these women or wishing you were more like them. In fact if you started dressing like them he'd be upset. The comparison is all in your head & it feeds from your insecurities. I had an EX who loved porn with women with huge boobs, we're talking basketballs. I'm rather flat chested so it made me a little nutty. That is not why we broke up. When I asked him why he dated me if he preferred that. He talked about my personality & intellect but explained that was just a fantasy. It didn't completely make me feel better but it helped me to calm down about is viewing choices. However, if he's talking to or interacting with these women other than viewing their pics that is a bridge too far. Edited August 24, 2021 by d0nnivain Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 24, 2021 Share Posted August 24, 2021 10 hours ago, Aussiegirl94 said: More so makes comments about what I wear and my poor posture What does he say, OP? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 24, 2021 Share Posted August 24, 2021 21 hours ago, Aussiegirl94 said: He will be critical of the way I look which really hurts my feelings/makes me feel not good enough This alone is reason to dump him. It won't get better. His dopey IG activities pale compared to being rude and insensitive to you. Link to post Share on other sites
IslandSanctuary Posted August 24, 2021 Share Posted August 24, 2021 The giving you a hard time about how you look is not on. But following girls on Instagram/porn is fine as far as I'm concerned. So long as he isn't talking to them/messaging then who cares? Do you make him leave the room when a sex scene comes on TV? Lol I had an ex gf like this, I found her attitude controlling and abusive - she wouldn't even let me jack off ever again, and her outbursts had me staring at my feet when in public so I would not accidentally glace in the direction of a woman. He obviously thinks it's no big deal. He doesn't talk to these women, they aren't his gf and he wouldn't be in a relationship with them. He looked at pics like this when he was single, being in a relationship with you gives him something these pics never can. You have 2 choices - either dump him or learn to be ok with him looking at pics of women in his free time. So long as he doesn't do it in front of you or ALL the time. If I were him I'd be getting over you. Link to post Share on other sites
lonelyplanetmoon Posted August 25, 2021 Share Posted August 25, 2021 On 8/24/2021 at 2:56 AM, chillii said: Yeah , guy here but just on the sm stuff, l find it pretty disrespectful him following these women when he has partner , no way l'd stand for my woman following men on it. l'm not even sure what that entails l'm not into any sm but l'd say it's no wonder your peed. Wonder how his mate feels , his gf all over it and being followed by other guys. Exactly! Yep agree with this. If I have a boyfriend then I expect him to act like one. I would dump his sorry a$$. I take responsibility for my feelings. The biggest thing in a relationship for me is how I feel in the relationship Not how he makes me feel but how I feel about myself as a person. That kind of behavior affects how I feel about myself very much. So nope not gonna put up with it. Seriously, who needs that? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JRabbit Posted August 26, 2021 Share Posted August 26, 2021 On 8/24/2021 at 4:53 AM, d0nnivain said: . It's not about respect. I think it's a personal boundary thing. To me it is absolutely about respect. Visual or not, its everywhere, why do they need to go and follow specific accounts so they don't miss a thing? These same men (from my experience) will like every half naked photo but not like their own gfs posts. Especially when OP asks bf not to do it, and he won't stop. How bad do you need to look at strangers naked? Get a hobby maybe. There are half naked women everywhere to look at in daily media, why does a man need to focus all his social media energy looking at naked chicks. It says a LOT about who they are and what they value, which is apparent when your bf is insulting the way you look dress or sit. These are all red flags OP, and NO not all men do it. I routinely check men I talk tos insta and some do - those ones I pass on, and some don't, but instead follow friends and things related to their hobby. Men who use insta to get their kicks have nothing else going on in their life or care to. It's a priority to them, and that is telling. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aussiegirl94 Posted August 30, 2021 Author Share Posted August 30, 2021 (edited) On 8/27/2021 at 1:58 AM, JRabbit said: I think it's a personal boundary thing. To me it is absolutely about respect. Visual or not, its everywhere, why do they need to go and follow specific accounts so they don't miss a thing? These same men (from my experience) will like every half naked photo but not like their own gfs posts. Especially when OP asks bf not to do it, and he won't stop. How bad do you need to look at strangers naked? Get a hobby maybe. There are half naked women everywhere to look at in daily media, why does a man need to focus all his social media energy looking at naked chicks. It says a LOT about who they are and what they value, which is apparent when your bf is insulting the way you look dress or sit. These are all red flags OP, and NO not all men do it. I routinely check men I talk tos insta and some do - those ones I pass on, and some don't, but instead follow friends and things related to their hobby. Men who use insta to get their kicks have nothing else going on in their life or care to. It's a priority to them, and that is telling. I am grateful to not see his name ever in these females page liking their content but still it feels disrespectful to follow so many accounts with the content they share. Edited August 30, 2021 by Aussiegirl94 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aussiegirl94 Posted August 30, 2021 Author Share Posted August 30, 2021 On 8/25/2021 at 8:27 AM, IslandSanctuary said: The giving you a hard time about how you look is not on. But following girls on Instagram/porn is fine as far as I'm concerned. So long as he isn't talking to them/messaging then who cares? Do you make him leave the room when a sex scene comes on TV? Lol I had an ex gf like this, I found her attitude controlling and abusive - she wouldn't even let me jack off ever again, and her outbursts had me staring at my feet when in public so I would not accidentally glace in the direction of a woman. He obviously thinks it's no big deal. He doesn't talk to these women, they aren't his gf and he wouldn't be in a relationship with them. He looked at pics like this when he was single, being in a relationship with you gives him something these pics never can. You have 2 choices - either dump him or learn to be ok with him looking at pics of women in his free time. So long as he doesn't do it in front of you or ALL the time. If I were him I'd be getting over you. Why would I make him leave the room when there is a sex scene? That’s a bit extreme. this wasn’t really an issue for me until I felt as though I had to live up to some unrealistic expectation of what I should look like 24/7 due to the accounts he follows when social media is a lie/photoshopped or being asked to not upload selfies because he doesn’t like men liking my content. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 30, 2021 Share Posted August 30, 2021 4 hours ago, Aussiegirl94 said: this wasn’t really an issue for me until I felt as though I had to live up to some unrealistic expectation of what I should look like 24/7 due to the accounts he follows when social media is a lie/photoshopped or being asked to not upload selfies because he doesn’t like men liking my content. Is this a relationship which is really worth continuing? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted August 30, 2021 Share Posted August 30, 2021 You are not overreacting. He is being a hypocrite and a creep. Do you really want him as your boyfriend? Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted September 3, 2021 Share Posted September 3, 2021 Not to mention yeah his commenting about your looks and other things. Sorry but you can do way better than this guy. Link to post Share on other sites
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