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What does it mean when my ex says his feelings for me are getting stronger?

californiagirl15

By californiagirl15,
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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californiagirl15

californiagirl15

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My ex dumped me because he wasn't sure what he wanted. There wasn't/has not been anyone else in the picture for either of us since we broke up. A few days ago he told me his feelings for me are getting stronger and that he misses me/the little things about me more and more every day. What does this mean? We haven't talked a ton, but have kept in contact since the breakup. He is stressed at the moment and has been asking me for advice, I've been nice but not going out of my way like I used to. 

I would like to get back together - but not sure how to go about this.

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salmagund1

salmagund1

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It's easy to find this encouraging...and I want to tell you it is (I mean...it might be).   But speaking as a man...this sounds kind of wishy washy.   He's not saying anything particularly definite and he's leaving a lot to your interpretation.   I don't know you, I don't know him and I don't know your relation but if your asking about this here...it means your at least a bit sceptical so...

...my first thought is that he is just giving you enough to keep you on the leash.   He broke up with you, this almost certainly hurts him too and he is scared of the unknown.  In breakups we always go back to the last person we were with when we need assurance, an ego boost, or someone to make us feel better about s*** (and sleep with if we need).    I've been guilty of this kind of crap.   You can't be kinda sorta broken up.   Either he's done or he's not.   But telling you "well maybe I might kinda be feeling more for you" is not really telling you anything at all.   But here you are wondering "what does it mean?   Does he want me back?"   He's got your head spinning and he's keeping you in a bit of a holding pattern, so to speak.    Am I right?   (He might not consciously mean it but I believe we can all be unconsciously manipulative as well.

I wouldn't accept this s***.   I would just ignore him until he shows up with something real.   I don't think this rises to the level of anything above breadcrumbs...

But I'd love to be wrong :)

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glows

glows

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1 hour ago, californiagirl15 said:

My ex dumped me because he wasn't sure what he wanted. There wasn't/has not been anyone else in the picture for either of us since we broke up. A few days ago he told me his feelings for me are getting stronger and that he misses me/the little things about me more and more every day. What does this mean? We haven't talked a ton, but have kept in contact since the breakup. He is stressed at the moment and has been asking me for advice, I've been nice but not going out of my way like I used to. 

I would like to get back together - but not sure how to go about this.

You still care for him so let him find his feet before jumping back into a relationship with you. This man sounds confused and very selfish. He may think he's doing you a favour telling you his feelings are coming back for you but it's misguided and misplaced. I think he may feel a great deal of pressure coming from you if you're in regular contact and regularly checking in on him. If you are hesitant about him or distrust what he's saying or where he is at, cut yourself loose and do yourself and him a favour. It doesn't sound like he's thinking straight. 

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ExpatInItaly

ExpatInItaly

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3 hours ago, californiagirl15 said:

My ex dumped me because he wasn't sure what he wanted

What was it he was unsure of, exactly?

How long were you together and when did yu break up?

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californiagirl15

californiagirl15

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14 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

What was it he was unsure of, exactly?

How long were you together and when did yu break up?

He was unsure of what he wanted, we had a really great relationship (no problems, no fighting etc) but he randomly became so stressed about everything in his life. We were together for 1.5 years, known each other 2 years, and broke up a month ago

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ExpatInItaly

ExpatInItaly

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54 minutes ago, californiagirl15 said:

He was unsure of what he wanted

Right, but does this mean he was unsure he wanted a relationship, or unsure if you were right for him, or..?

 

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Cookiesandough

Cookiesandough

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Means he likes you more when he’s not in a relationship with you and instead just getting your advice. He prob does miss how you went out of your way for him.

 

Go n c. 

Edited by Cookiesandough
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torn_heart

torn_heart

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He might miss you, but if he "wasn't sure" ask him about that, feelings don't matter if the main issue isn't solved. If he is still not sure, go NC.

Obviously, this is assuming you are interested.

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spiderowl

spiderowl

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He is talking to you and saying something but it is meaningless unless he is offering anything.  He misses having you to talk to and support him and no doubt everything else.

If he wants you back, he should apologise for leaving you and ask you to be his girlfriend again.  However, I would be very wary.  If he has dumped you once, he could do it again.

 

 

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Wiseman2

Wiseman2

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20 hours ago, californiagirl15 said:

My ex dumped me because he wasn't sure what he wanted. A few days ago he told me his feelings for me are getting stronger and that he misses me. What does this mean?

Sorry to hear this. What was the breakup about?

When someone breaks up with you, go no contact to reflect and heal.

What it means is he's horny and trying to demote you from GF to FWB and hookups.

Don't take the bait. If he wanted to reconcile, he will come out and state it...if whatever the reasons for the breakup are were resolved.

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Blind-Sided

Blind-Sided

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1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

What it means is he's horny and trying to demote you from GF to FWB and hookups.

Don't take the bait. If he wanted to reconcile, he will come out and state it...if whatever the reasons for the breakup are were resolved.

I agree.

He hasn't found anyone else in the time apart... and now he misses sex. Period !!!!  (FYI... I'm a guy) 

I've been a member here now for a while... and the only 2 sections of this board that I don't even bother with is "Second Chances" and "Long Distant".  Why you may ask????  Because it never works.  He left for selfish reasons.  Yes... he misses you... but for selfish reasons.  Don't take him back!!!!!  Just move on, and find someone who will work through issues, and love you for who you are. 

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californiagirl15

californiagirl15

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20 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Right, but does this mean he was unsure he wanted a relationship, or unsure if you were right for him, or..?

 

He said everything was amazing but he was unsure of what he wanted since he's at a weird time in his life. He second guesses everything in his life, but I feel like as we've spent time apart and his feelings have only grown for me it a good sign??

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glows

glows

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I'm afraid you are clutching at straws. It may be a good sign, a bad sign or no sign/misnomer. The problem is that you're looking for signs and unsure. If you're unsure after dating for 1.5 yrs it's time to move on.

Break ups are not easy so give yourself more time to heal and distance yourself.

Edited by glows
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ExpatInItaly

ExpatInItaly

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17 hours ago, californiagirl15 said:

I feel like as we've spent time apart and his feelings have only grown for me it a good sign??

Not necessarily, no. 

Be cautious here, because sometimes people like this only like you when they can't have you, but as soon as they do have you, they get bored and bail again. 

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S2B

S2B

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On 8/25/2021 at 11:44 AM, californiagirl15 said:

He was unsure of what he wanted, we had a really great relationship (no problems, no fighting etc) but he randomly became so stressed about everything in his life. We were together for 1.5 years, known each other 2 years, and broke up a month ago

Well he wasn’t sure - and now he’s trying to use you as his back up plan. He wants the sex.

start dating men that really really know you are valuable to them. This guy isn’t the one for you.

he’s wasting your time.

you shouldn’t need to beg any man to love you.

Edited by S2B
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