*Who Else Has Sworn Off Online Dating?*

[Dis]

I've used OLD for years, on and off. I've had good and bad experiences with it. I've met some cool people and definitely some very uncool people. I had one 2 year relationship result from it and a few short term relationships. I'm actually still in touch with two guys I met and we hang out when I'm single...which seems to happen eventually. 

 

I never had a problem meeting men on OLD, I met a lot of men on there. Could find someone new and have a date arranged for that night. I felt the romance of meeting new guys, I felt the excitement of possibilities, new relationships, new faces, the goodbye kiss. I actually enjoyed it most of the time. 

 

Since then I've been meeting people IRL more often and now? I don't even want to touch OLD. Nothing compares to meeting someone in person when your eyes lock and the natural chemistry swirls around. You can actually feel the person, catch their vibe, hear their voice, take note of their mannerisms and the way they walk. You get the full picture of who that person is without feeling the pressure and coercion that comes with OLD. It's natural and flowy. 

 

When I log onto OLD now, I audibly mock the whole process and the yucky things these guys say. Like, I decided to log on for fun a minute ago, matched with a guy only for him to ask if I could bring him a pizza vagina. I cracked up because here is this 37 year old man acting like a 5 year old. But yeap, that's OLD. It just doesn't feel good to me anymore. I don't feel open to it and the never ending first dates that don't go anywhere, the having to sit there with someone you don't click with only for the guy to try to kiss you at the end of the seemingly never ending night. Tbh, I've clicked with very few men I've met on there and it makes sense because we don't click with most people we meet. I'm just tiring of the dreaded drinks with someone I'm not feeling it with....praying to God time passes quickly so I can leave. 

 

Yeah, guess my time on OLD has just come to an end...

 

Anyone else at the same point? 

Edited August 27, 2021 by Dis

[Ami1uwant]

Factors…

 

where do you live?

your age?

are you working?

what are you doing where you are meeting people ( especially with Covid)

 Meeting  people and finding LTRs are different things.

 

clicking with peop,eonline depends on the conversation. Is it based on looks alone? Fantasy?   Are you actually looking at common interests et all.

[Dis]

12 minutes ago, Ami1uwant said:

Factors…

 

where do you live?

your age?

are you working?

what are you doing where you are meeting people ( especially with Covid)

 Meeting  people and finding LTRs are different things.

 

clicking with peop,eonline depends on the conversation. Is it based on looks alone? Fantasy?   Are you actually looking at common interests et all.

Huh? 🤔

[Cookiesandough]

Wow. What a hot messxD yea I feel you, dis. It’s a last resort.. I haven’t used it in a long time and never had bad experiences on it or anything.  I won’t say I won’t ever use it for fun/casual dating , but as for finding a prospective partner,…lol no. A guy I’m interested in like that would not be on there ( before anyone says the people you meet irl are all online , no, not everyone uses it, myself included , and 3/5 of my bf’s never resorted to it) and I have pulled way better quality per capita irl than online. 

Edited August 27, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[Happy Lemming]

@Dis Yes, I did try on-line dating (briefly) for about 6 months and found it to be horrible.  The few women I did meet looked nothing like their picture.  One woman even came out and told me her Mom was "pretty good" with photo-shop and had re-touched her pics.  I'd say the mother was an expert!! 

It was one horror show after another.  I was wasting my time with OLD.

After my 6 month (membership) was over, I never went back to it.  I found I could do better meeting women in real life situations.

Prior to OLD I had pretty good luck meeting women in real life, so that is what I knew, that is what I was good at and that is how I continued to date.

I met my present long term girlfriend (almost 10 years) in an apartment complex pool. swam up to her, introduced myself, chit-chatted a bit and asked her out for drinks later that night...  The rest is history (as they say).

I've met women in a wide variety of places and under different circumstances.  And I agree with you @Dis it is more personal meeting people in real life!

[Dis]

Well turns out that dude who said that to me today typed, lasangagia which I thought was a V joke. Turns out it's an Italian meat pie which is served on Easter...lmfao. 

 

So after giving him a tude he explained that and we've been chatting only because I'm bored and don't mean anything by it...haven't touch the site in weeks 

 

Anyway, he is fine af. Totally my type and he's laying it on thickkkk like butta. Unfortunately for him I haven't fallen for that sort of love bombing (which I told him he was doing) since I was 29. So, I don't even care, my heart is checked out. He might be fun to go out with when I want a night out with a hot guy, but that's about it. 

[Cookiesandough]

24 minutes ago, Dis said:

Well turns out that dude who said that to me today typed, lasangagia which I thought was a V joke. Turns out it's an Italian meat pie which is served on Easter...lmfao. 

 

 

Wait what…. Are you sure he’s not running game… I’m never heard of such thing in my life and apparently google hasn’t either :skeptical: 

 

lol 

24 minutes ago, Dis said:

He might be fun to go out with when I want a night out with a hot guy, but that's about it. 

Hey, why not 

Edited August 27, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[Dis]

46 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

Wait what…. Are you sure he’s not running game… I’m never heard of such thing in my life and apparently google hasn’t either :skeptical: 

 

lol 

Hey, why not 

I actually think he's telling the truth because I think I remember my Aunt making it as a kid

 

But either way he's already starting the compliments and after 1 hour of chatting I'm already his little cannoli, I'm blessed. Well if he thinks he's going to run it then ghost and leave me heart broken, he'd be wrong.... I'm dead inside from all my years of dating...I won't feel a thing ahaha 😈

[d0nnivain]

8 hours ago, Dis said:

Anyone else at the same point? 

I did OLD for 90 days 15+ years ago & hated it.  While you had no trouble meeting people it didn't work for me.  I found the whole process demoralizing.  The new matches I got were few & far between & wholly unsuitable.  Although they were good guys on paper:  well educated with good jobs -- they were socially awkward men I would not have given the time of day to had I met them IRL.   I never had a problem meeting people IRL & at least back in the day I could find a date when I wanted one so as soon as my subscription ended, I swore off OLD & never looked back.  I met my now husband in a bar at a business networking event less than 3 months after my subscription expired.  

The horror stories I have read about on here & heard from friends & family who still use the Apps will probably keep me away if I ever find myself single again.  

[Weezy1973]

9 hours ago, Dis said:

.
Nothing compares to meeting someone in person when your eyes lock and the natural chemistry swirls around. You can actually feel the person, catch their vibe, hear their voice, take note of their mannerisms and the way they walk. You get the full picture of who that person is without feeling the pressure and coercion that comes with OLD. It's natural and flowy. 

 

As natural and flowy what you describe may be, none of it has anything to do with “the full picture of who that person is”. It’s just a first impression (like you get from OLD). 
 

But that being said, yes I’ve given up OLD. Mostly because I’m married. And coincidentally met my wife through OLD…

[Gaeta]

Well....l met over 200 men for a first meeting and they all looked like their pictures. Some boosted their height but no more than 2 or 3 over the years. I'm lucky people look good and take care of themselves here. 

You can actually feel the person, catch their vibe, hear their voice, take note of their mannerisms and the way they walk. You get the full picture of who that person.

l experience that when l meet them in real -4-5 days after our first contact. Not a big deal to me. At least when l meet them l know their basic contrary to a stranger in the metro station.

Over the years l was approached by men in public places but it never amounted to anything. They may looked good right away to me but the lack of of a previous conversation told me nothing about them in terms of age, kids, job, how long single, etc. Also they came toward me soly based on my looks and weren't too interested in 'talking' but lots of interest in staring. 

Last time l was single took me 3 years online 200 meetings to meet my ex. This time around took me 6 weeks and 15 meetings to meet my current guy. It's like gambling and you have to accept it's like that.

Edited August 27, 2021 by Gaeta

[chillii]

l don't think most long term single people realize either that they have been meeting people all their lives anyway in all sorts of ways too online or not. lf someone was trying online they still leave the house too, still do their things , still go out, go to work, away wkends, see friends, they're still living too. So online's really just an added extension to life and if life hasn't brought along mr or mrs right as yet either then that's probably bc it just hasn't. Or they didn't wait or even recognize it or blew it or were wasting yrs on dead ends and missed it or something when it did, not bc they were using online too.

 

Edited August 27, 2021 by chillii

[Fox Sake]

I seem to have the worst luck online … I think I’m done with it.maybe one last shot because it’s all I have tho 😂
Trying to even get a match from anyone is hard enough let alone a reply. Being super picky doesn’t help either , but why settle? I know instantly if I find someone attractive or not and their eyes usually have a big part to play because they can be so telling of deeper things. (Got have attractive eyes cos you’ll be staring at them forever more) 

I’ve wasted so much money time and self respect with it. I’m not exactly your classic ugly, never married and no kids, so I don’t know what the problem is apart from my location, but my lifestyle allows me to live quite freely and travel or vacation when and where I want. Dare say I’m a hidden diamond as my friend tells me.
Trying to make anyone see your qualities past your photo’s is hard. Most local women here assume that if you're good looking then you're a player , so they settle for a 5, meanwhile they’re a 9.
It’s an odd phenomenon here but it’s keeps them in control. That last  statement was straight from the horses mouth. Not sure she would appreciate me calling her a horse , but so be it ! 

 

 

[Happy Lemming]

58 minutes ago, Fox Sake said:

I’ve wasted so much money time and self respect with it.

 

During my brief time on OLD, (personally) I found it to be a HUGE time suck.  At least when I tried it (years ago), I would type up a custom introduction (tailored to her profile) and send it.  Most of the time my carefully crafted introduction would never garner any response.

At least in real life, the rejection comes immediately and you know whether to move on or continue your attempt.

3 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

Although they were good guys on paper:  well educated with good jobs -- they were socially awkward men I would not have given the time of day to had I met them IRL. 

 

From the other side of the fence, I found quite a few of the women to be socially awkward, as well. 

[Snow_Queen]

Before I got married, I used online dating quite a bit. There may have been lots of options but quality was scarce. There were times I took long stretches away from the online scene.

Most of the men didn’t look like their photos. A majority claimed to want long term but wished to start off as “friends first” (aka friends w/benefits). Yes, they expected intimacy. They would request an undefined period of time to decide if we hit it off as “friends” before deciding to schedule a 1st date. What a waste of time. Others had personal issues due to picking very bad partners so you could do no right in their eyes. After that, I joined a few online local groups that did meetups. Hence, I finally met a good man.

Edited August 27, 2021 by Snow_Queen

[d0nnivain]

22 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

From the other side of the fence, I found quite a few of the women to be socially awkward, as well. 

I think it's a function of the times.  Too many people hide behind devices & we lost the art of genuine face to face communication.  

[poppyfields]

Raises hand in agreement! 

For one, I find it contrived and superficial.  Viewing a bunch of pics, and falling for an "image." 

I've had some men suggest marriage based on my pic, it was ridiculous!  I know they weren't serious, but still. 😳

The love-bombing (like you just experienced Dis) combined with the sexually crude remarks some men made were enough to make me swear off it.

But mostly it's this which I posted on your other thread. 

>>But yeah agree OLDing is not for me for so many reasons, I much prefer meeting spontaneously where there is less pressure to "connect," and if it happens, it happens, naturally and organically.<<

 

Edited August 27, 2021 by poppyfields

[poppyfields]

Years ago I tried something called "Dating in the Dark," I found that so interesting!

Everyone gathered in a darkened room and feeling each other's presence and energy and connecting based on vibrations (your vibe) and voice as hokey as it sounds. 

Very "new agey" but I'm into that so.....  I liked it.  😂

People underestimate how important a voice is, and one's energy.  Not just the sound of their voice, but the energy behind the voice. 

Trumps looks even imo!  But yeah I'm weird.😳😳

Surprisingly, when the lights came on, the majority of folks were quite attractive too!  

May try it again!  

 

 

Edited August 27, 2021 by poppyfields

[Fox Sake]

29 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Years ago I tried something called "Dating in the Dark," I found that so interesting!

Everyone gathered in a darkened room and feeling each other's presence and energy and connecting based on vibrations (your vibe) and voice as hokey as it sounds. 

Very "new agey" but I'm into that so.....  I liked it.  😂

People underestimate how important a voice is, and one's energy.  Not just the sound of their voice, but the energy behind the voice. 

Trump's looks even imo!  But yeah I'm weird.😳😳

Surprisingly, when the lights came on, the majority of folks were quite attractive too!  

May try it again!  

 

 

Dating In the dark?! If that happened here you would leave with no wallet or shoes , or worse- find out it’s Dougal McSporrans daughter and he’s just got out of jail for attempted murder and several manslaughter charges 😂 haha okay maybe it’s not that bad , but I think there’s a lot to be said for initial physical attraction. For me it’s eyes. Those wee windows to someone’s soul. 

I like the idea, In the bigger cities I’m sure it can be a lot of fun to do an event like that. But when you come from the land, where men are men and sheep are scared, it can be hard to find anyone and dating events/apps are full of people that know of you, you have zero interest in them, or they have slept with one of your brothers! 

Pickings are slim to none unless you’re willing to settle for someone that has 3 kids to 3 different men. It’s been the thing in the highlands - everyone seems to start popping out kids when they’re just 16. Sigh. I love it here but maybe it’s just not the place right now. Which takes me back into the catch 22 of hating OLD, but having little other options other than subjecting myself to wasting self respect, time and money! So I’m off round the states to catch up with old friends in a few months, not holding my breath for anything but you never know who you’ll meet along the way. It’s got to better than OLD lol 

 

Question Popps- do you think you found a majority of them attractive because you had made an initial connection and found something attractive in a vibe of theirs , or their voice? Or do you generally find most people physically attractive? 
 

 

Edited August 27, 2021 by Fox Sake
Sorry…didn’t mean to make that all about me. The conversation just got me thinking

[poppyfields]

30 minutes ago, Fox Sake said:

Question Popps- do you think you found a majority of them attractive because you had made an initial connection and found something attractive in a vibe of theirs , or their voice? Or do you generally find most people physically attractive? 

Lol, well the event was moderated so no chance of any impropriety but that was funny Fox.

To answer your question quoted above, I didn't feel a "connection" with anyone, although I had fun and find the concept interesting.  Because I do believe in vibes and energy, more so than physical appearance.

But physical attraction is important!  A great physique speaks volumes imo.  And yes, the eyes.  A man's eyes can be intense and haunting.

I think it's all related, for me.

I find plenty of men "attractive" but not "attracted to" them which goes deeper, again for me.  It's energy, chemistry, even spiritually, again for me.

Anyway, to answer your question, no, people were attractive objectively not due to their energy/vibe.

They were in good shape, their physical features were attractive.

I think the natural assumption re those who attend such events is that they are unattractive, but surprisingly that was not the case. 

 

Edited August 27, 2021 by poppyfields

[Alpacalia]

15 hours ago, Dis said:

Anyone else at the same point? 

15 hours ago, Dis said:

I'm just tiring of the dreaded drinks with someone I'm not feeling it with....praying to God time passes quickly so I can leave. 

Not pertaining to any particular style of dating but in the past if I didn't feel that way on a first date I'd be like "sayonara" (which I typically don't regardless because it takes me a bit to warm up and based on what I find interesting), but maybe you're a spark chaser versus a long burner?

 

 

[Cookiesandough]

13 minutes ago, Alpaca said:

Not pertaining to any particular style of dating but in the past if I didn't feel that way on a first date I'd be like "sayonara" (which I typically don't regardless because it takes me a bit to warm up and based on what I find interesting), but maybe you're a spark chaser versus a long burner?

 

 

To me a “long burn” suggests more that you’ve gotten to know someone in a neutral setting, established a connection more slowly, and then decided that you wanted to take it to a romantic lvl..
 

That’s like the antithesis of online dating. It’s definition of cart before horse. Everyone is there for a specific reason(relationship/sex etc)  and then you meet up for drinks to see if they make they the cut. It’s really awkward to me 

Edited August 27, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[Cookiesandough]

12 hours ago, Dis said:

I actually think he's telling the truth because I think I remember my Aunt making it as a kid

 

But either way he's already starting the compliments and after 1 hour of chatting I'm already his little cannoli, I'm blessed. Well if he thinks he's going to run it then ghost and leave me heart broken, he'd be wrong.... I'm dead inside from all my years of dating...I won't feel a thing ahaha 😈

Awww, Dis. Give ole’ boy a shot. If only for a first meet, cuz you seem attracted to him. Sure,  he might be running a little game, but some guys think they need to have bravado to get a woman like you. Go easy on him 😅

 

As for love bombing, it’s all a matter of opinion. I’ve heard people call love bombing if you tell them you love them less than several months in because you don’t know them well enough. I say love isn’t what you know anyway. It’s what you feel. 
 

But if he said anything about vagine pizza , I support your decision to peace out

Edited August 27, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[Beachead]

I used OLD for a short while and it wasn't my thing.  Despite the good intentions behind it, it felt like an unnatural way to get to know somebody, as if you're going through a job interview.  You're judged and scrutinized on superficial criteria, right down to the opening greeting.  The fact that you mentioned that you're at the point where you're rolling your eyes at the openers you're getting only strengthens that point.  It's either Hi or some means to connect with you through your profile description if you have one..so that's what one has to deal with if they're on it.   And because it's very accessible and convenient, there is a huge user market for it which ultimately diminishes everybody into a number.  

Some say, it's all about numbers and so if dating and playing the field for fun is your thing, perhaps, you will find luck, but if you ask me, that kind of meaningless crap is what contributed to the culture in the first place.

I don't know too many who have used it and found anything real or longterm, but that's not to say, it's hopeless.  I'm sure there is a small percentage with nice stories.  

But that's just my 2 cents

- Beach

Edited August 27, 2021 by Beachead

[chillii]

7 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

I think it's a function of the times.  Too many people hide behind devices & we lost the art of genuine face to face communication.  

Yeah that side of it is also very true too, you even see it all through the forums with the way people talk and just go about things it's so different. My daughter even admits it with the way they all mix and meet these days.