*Who Else Has Sworn Off Online Dating?*

[Trail Blazer]

2 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

Oh okay so the distinction is you only feel desperate if you’re the only one on the prowl. When everyone is “on the prowl”/desperate,  it’s okay. Lol . See that’s not a distinction I make, but I got you   

I guess if you define "on the prowl" as simply being single and looking, then everyone on a dating site is on the prowl.  When I first used that term, I said it with the intention of there being a negative connotation.

What I actually should have said was intrusively on the prowl.  That is more what I was referring to.  Men who routinely go up to women and proposition/hit up women for dates.  They may succeed, but they're intrusive.

I know you're pretty young and you probably have dudes hit on you in public and maybe you're okay with that.  Don't get me wrong, I've done when I was younger.  I'm just saying that these days, perhaps I'm old and boring! 🤣

[Phallacy]

You can Google gender differences. Why learn the hard way with OLD??

[ellamei]

This thread is making me frown. I mean with all the restrictions and lockdowns how else can we meet someone? Any suggestion? 

[Philosopher]

To me, online dating sites have a very flawed business model which fundamentally goes against what the customer wants. With restaurants, cafes, bars, or almost any other kind of business, if the customer thinks the service or product is good, the customer will likely use that business again, generating more profit for the business. However for online dating sites, if the site is successful and those using it form a relationship they will have no need to use the site again. Therefore online dating sites have a vested interest in not providing what the customer wants in order to keep customers using them.

[chillii]

Haaaaa , now there's a twist .

[Woggle]

45 minutes ago, Philosopher said:

To me, online dating sites have a very flawed business model which fundamentally goes against what the customer wants. With restaurants, cafes, bars, or almost any other kind of business, if the customer thinks the service or product is good, the customer will likely use that business again, generating more profit for the business. However for online dating sites, if the site is successful and those using it form a relationship they will have no need to use the site again. Therefore online dating sites have a vested interest in not providing what the customer wants in order to keep customers using them.

It makes them a lot of money so it is not flawed from their end.

[Weezy1973]

1 hour ago, Philosopher said:

Therefore online dating sites have a vested interest in not providing what the customer wants in order to keep customers using them.

Yup, and as soon as you understand this, the more you can use OLD to your favor. The illusion is that there is endless choice. That is what they sell to keep you coming back. The person you saw was great! Except for the…and there are endless choices so why settle?!!

[Gaeta]

On 9/5/2021 at 7:59 PM, Weezy1973 said:

Yup, and as soon as you understand this, the more you can use OLD to your favor. The illusion is that there is endless choice. That is what they sell to keep you coming back. The person you saw was great! Except for the…and there are endless choices so why settle?!!

That's how it is with new users but after months of OLD we tend to lower our standards for fear of never finding and we end up dating people we should not date. 

[Weezy1973]

2 hours ago, Gaeta said:

That's how it is with new users but after months of OLD we tend to lower our standards for fear of never finding and we end up dating people we should not date. 

That’s why you multidate and don’t get too caught up in the early stages. Gives time for flags and incompatibilities to show without getting attached. Most strangers you meet, including through OLD, are people you shouldn’t be in a relationship with. It’s a process.

[Miss Spider]

It’s not really an illusion, though.. if it feels that way, you can always try to lower your standards or move 

[chillii]

 

lt is an allusion imo in that people think the choices really are endless but they're no more endless than in RL or people wouldn't be on them for yrs and yrs, lf there's so many choices why haven't they found someone. Bc really out of all those so called choices there'd only be one or two people on there if that and if they're lucky,that truly actually suit you in anything long term and real, Hence yrs or 100s later, they're still on them going round and round.

When l was helping my brother set up his , l saw women still on them that were on there 7yrs ago when l was on one , so their endless choices obviously aren't so endless after all. Not to mention l noticed a lot we're now wasting half their write up telling men what ah's they were these days .

Edited September 7, 2021 by chillii

[Philosopher]

24 minutes ago, chillii said:

 

lt is an allusion imo in that people think the choices really are endless but they're no more endless than in RL or people wouldn't be on them for yrs and yrs, lf there's so many choices why haven't they found someone. Bc really out of all those so called choices there'd only be one or two people on there if that and if they're lucky,that truly actually suit you in anything long term and real, Hence yrs or 100s later, they're still on them going round and round.

When l was helping my brother set up his , l saw women still on them that were on there 7yrs ago when l was on one , so their endless choices obviously aren't so endless after all. Not to mention l noticed a lot we're now wasting half their write up telling men what ah's they were these days .

The problem these days with online dating is that it is very focused on looks rather than actual compatibility. The sites or apps encourage users to swipe based on looks rather than encouraging them to read their profiles to decide if they are a good match. As a result, most online daters these days focus mainly on their pictures and put very little or no effort into the actual description about themselves. This was not the case when I first started online dating 10 years ago when most profiles tended to be quite detailed.

As a result, dates from online now usually end up going nowhere as you quickly find out you have little in common.

Edited September 7, 2021 by Philosopher

[poppyfields]

Does anyone remember the movie “Sleepless in Seattle” when Tom Hanks was describing meeting a woman and feeling an attraction?

When his son was encouraging him to scroll through his rolodex of women he had met over the years, he explained to his son “this isn’t going to work, I want to simply meet a woman and get a “feeling” about her, I ask her for a date, she accepts and we go out.”

Or something like that, cannot remember his exact words.

That is exactly how I feel too. I meet a man and I get a “feeling” about him, a sense about him, his style, his presence, his energy and yes also his looks because physical attraction IS important to me.

It’s all those things combined that attracts me NOT just his appearance based on a well-lit, often photoshopped, fake-looking, on line PIC.

I agree that OLDing is very superficial.  Not sure why anyone even bothers with writing a well thought-out articulate profile, it’s pretty much all based on looks like @Philosopherjust mentioned.

Everyone wants pics, tons of pics!  And more pics.  I mean the pressure I have received for pics and more pics is ridiculous!  It’s a real turn off for me personally and trust me I am an attractive woman, but I simply cannot stand the superficiality.

From there you begin idealizing based on these superficial, photoshopped, heavily made-up pics, some of them don’t even look real, they look fake, like some well-crafted doll!  Both men and women.

I mean it’s so obvious.  I guess those are referred to as “bots” and I can sense those REAL quick, these dating sites are not fooling anyone with that.

Anyway, I know people who have formed exclusive online relationships based on pics, people have fallen in love based on pics!

Then you meet in person and it all goes to the shyts because their in-person presence, energy and looks do NOT match the image, the ideal you created in your head about them from their pics!  And that’s it, DONE.  Bye, nice meeting you.

That has never happened to me because (1) I never sent a bunch of heavily made-up pics, I always had one or two very natural looking pics on my dating profile and that was it, and (2) I was very discretionary with whom I chose to meet and even talk to! 

And I only met men whom I had a certain “feeling” about.  The last time I did OLD, I met only two men, the second man became my boyfriend of three years.  But I had some sort of interaction with at least 20, it may have been more, I lost count.   I probably straight out deleted over 100 from the get go.  

But I know of others where it happened.  It’s sad because “on line” they clicked, but again it was all superficial based on pics.

And people wonder why the hell they can never meet anyone they truly connect with on dating apps and sites.

Anyway rant over, just my $.02, thanks for listening.

Edited September 7, 2021 by poppyfields

[Miss Spider]

To me it is absolutely insane to form any kind relationship to someone you’ve never met before( Or at least video chatted with, but I don’t even count that) . I think it takes a particular type of person to do that and I really think this type of person is more of a lonely person who lives in a fantasy world. Not that the world isn’t chock full of those,   I think (hope) most people that online date just use the picture and the written profile content as a primer to see there might be basic attraction/compatibility. . The pic and profile just get you through the door/first date and that’s really just the beginning. You meet and get to see the whole package of the person and decide from there. That’s why I always wanted to meet right away too because I didn’t want to waste my time with someone who was way different in person and I didn’t want to make out with . 
 

But as for focusing on physical attraction c  I am sad to say that I think that this is just the way it works for a lot of people and that’s not just an online thing. People tend to gravitate towards that, then they will try to get to know the person ( and sometimes even not)

Edited September 7, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[poppyfields]

9 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

But as for focusing on physical attraction c  I am sad to say that I think that this is just the way it works for a lot of people and that’s not just an online thing. People tend to gravitate towards that, then they will try to get to know the person ( and sometimes even not)

I think physical attraction is super important!   But that's not all there is, at least not for me, but I acknowledge perhaps for others it is, that where it starts anyway, like you said cookies.  In real life too.

But it's so subjective, I have found men super HOT (their face) that some of my friends wondered if I had lost my mind. lol  

And I posted this previously, but men my friends thought were super hot (model types and the like), I was like "ick, no thanks."  

This was when we were scrolling through on line pics.

But I also acknowledge that I am VERY weird, a total anomaly, I may be from some other place in the universe, who the hell knows.  🤣

 

 

Edited September 7, 2021 by poppyfields

[Miss Spider]

17 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

I think physical attraction is super important!   But that's not all there is, at least not for me, but I acknowledge perhaps for others it is, that where it starts anyway, like you said cookies.  In real life too.

But it's so subjective, I have found men super HOT (their face) that some of my friends wondered if I had lost my mind. lol  

And I posted this previously, but men my friends thought were super hot (model types and the like), I was like "ick, no thanks."  

This was when we were scrolling through on line pics.

But I also acknowledge that I am VERY weird, a total anomaly, I may be from some other place in the universe, who the hell knows.  🤣

 

 

Same!!! Sometimes the guys I’m attracted to are butt ugly, but I can’t put my finger on why they’re cute to me . I noticed my type is changing too and I’ve become a lot less picky about physical component too so my type is broadening… I used to like guys who looked a bit like hobos, and I still do like them to an extent, but now I like guys with mustaches and glasses and tall lanky guys are okay now too when I used to like them shorter. So it’s all good in the hood  and to me,  there is 0 illusion to the selection. Also I noticed what my friends like vs what I like is very different. She will point to a guy like “ what about him. Would you hit?” And I’m like “with a truck maybe” and vice versa…But there’s just something about it. Like a guy can look like he fell from the fug  tree and hit every single branch falling but there there can be one simple feature or appearance in how the carry themselves  that just makes it a go for me .. super hot. idk why 

Edited September 8, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[poppyfields]

23 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

Also I noticed what my friends like vs what I like is very different. She will point to a guy like “ what about him. Would you hit?” And I’m like “with a truck maybe”

LOL @bolded, I think we may be back to being on the same wavelength again cookies!! 😂

Edited September 8, 2021 by poppyfields

[invalidname]

After liking hundreds of profiles and sending dozens of messages to women, and despite that getting zero matches, I'm done with OLD. I'm convinced OLD brings out the worst in people and is a miserable experience for everyone involved.

On 9/3/2021 at 7:56 PM, ellamei said:

This thread is making me frown. I mean with all the restrictions and lockdowns how else can we meet someone? Any suggestion? 

I suggest meetup dot com, the gold standard for meeting people. Recently a bunch of the meetups suspended during covid have started to resume.

[chillii]

Yeah , if forums are anything to go by most seem to just go on looks, which to me would be the craziest most dead end way on earth attempting to meet the so called right person.  Emphasis being person and the person l'd go for would be a lot wiser than that.  Hence so many , most , seem so aimless.  l use to read profiles, only some that seemed they could be something, most would turn me off in a few lines. l'd had had zero interest in meeting them no matter what they looked like .

lt doesn;t have to be long , you can tell a lot about who she is with that someone, even just in a few lines , or that one line amongst the rest in something she's said.

Edited September 8, 2021 by chillii

[Weezy1973]

I also think people get stuck because they think the first time they meet someone from OLD should be a date. And then they’re disappointed if there isn’t any attraction, chemistry etc. If you change your expectations so that the first time you meet is just to meet and see if you’d like to go on a date at a future time, then there wouldn’t be so much disappointment.
 

Again most strangers won’t be compatible enough to have a relationship with. This goes for meeting strangers in real life too. And just like OLD, with the vast majority of strangers we meet, there’s no attraction / chemistry etc. Or not interest in dating because people are already in relationships. And the rare time you do meet a stranger in real life and there is attraction / chemistry, the chances of that turning into anything meaningful is pretty slim too. Just like OLD. 
 

It does change if you’re in situations where you see the same people over and over again. Work, school, friend circle etc. That’s where attraction can grow over time after getting to know someone.  But that is also pretty rare. Doing all three of course gives you the best odds. 

[chillii]

Yeah def' . This is why l always think hell yeah if your single join a date site why not. You might not find that someone but you just never know. And if your single then RL obviously isn't doing you any better anyway , bc your still single , all the same things happen in RL. Ps , not for a second am l saying btw attraction isn't important but it just seems that that's as deep as most seem to look at in forums and if that's as far as they go , then it's just gonna be one disappointment after another. On and on , and that seems to be the cycle most of the singles fall into for yrs on end.

Edited September 8, 2021 by chillii