BlindsidedTwice Posted August 27, 2021 Share Posted August 27, 2021 I am almost 8 months sober from my xMM! 🥳 I’m proud of myself. I thought I’d be devastated if I ever got to this point! 8 months without him? How could I ever do it? BUT I DID!! I’m doing it! And I am going to celebrate every milestone because this is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I still have sad moments. I still wonder about him. I still feel hurt. But I also feel acceptance. The beginning of NC is HORRENDOUS. Crying in the shower, googling everything, typing out texts that will never be sent, reading every single thread here on LS.... And then somehow it feels even worse for a while. The sharp dramatic pain of the beginning of NC wears off and there is just this empty sad ache... But then finally, relief. Eventually, there is relief and peace. I don’t feel it all the time consistently, but I know it’s there wanting to come out. 🥰 So plunging forward! Onto 9 months NC! 🙌 18 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BlindsidedTwice Posted August 27, 2021 Author Share Posted August 27, 2021 Replying to my own post to add... The relief and peace doesn’t come with just time alone. It also takes: weekly therapy sessions, reading, journaling, exercising, pursuing safe female friendships, finding new hobbies... etc. It is a ton of work but absolutely worth it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Canadian Maple Posted August 27, 2021 Share Posted August 27, 2021 Way to go Blindsided, I hope you are very proud of yourself! You've started this important journey to healing yourself. You are worth it, you are worth so much more than crumbs from a MM. You are worthy of a wonderful life, and if you want it, a wonderful partner in the future that shines bright in the light of day. You have so much more value than what you were being given by MM, and I do hope that you see that. Stand tall, be proud, walk strong! 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Luna66star Posted August 28, 2021 Share Posted August 28, 2021 Can I ask how you did it? Any special tips for those still struggling? Did he ever reach out to you during this time, and you ignored him? What a wonderful victory for you! I bet it feels great! Link to post Share on other sites
Snakesalive Posted August 28, 2021 Share Posted August 28, 2021 19 hours ago, BlindsidedTwice said: I am almost 8 months sober from my xMM! 🥳 I’m proud of myself. I thought I’d be devastated if I ever got to this point! 8 months without him? How could I ever do it? BUT I DID!! I’m doing it! And I am going to celebrate every milestone because this is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I still have sad moments. I still wonder about him. I still feel hurt. But I also feel acceptance. The beginning of NC is HORRENDOUS. Crying in the shower, googling everything, typing out texts that will never be sent, reading every single thread here on LS.... And then somehow it feels even worse for a while. The sharp dramatic pain of the beginning of NC wears off and there is just this empty sad ache... But then finally, relief. Eventually, there is relief and peace. I don’t feel it all the time consistently, but I know it’s there wanting to come out. 🥰 So plunging forward! Onto 9 months NC! 🙌 Fantastic and Well done , unless you’ve been On the journey it’s hard to understand what an achievement this is . Thanks so much for posting and proving with hard work on yourself and determination you can do this . keep going it’s absolutely natural to have done low moments but remind yourself if the peace you feel -looking back when I was in the affair I was drowning with occasional times I can up for breath ( the highs) the rest of the time I was drowning (the lows) when it ewas finally able to swim to the surface stay afloat and swim strongly towards something much much better-I know it might sound strange but it helped xo Link to post Share on other sites
Beentheretoooften Posted August 28, 2021 Share Posted August 28, 2021 8 hours ago, Luna66star said: Can I ask how you did it? Any special tips for those still struggling? Did he ever reach out to you during this time, and you ignored him? What a wonderful victory for you! I bet it feels great! I’m curious as well. I was going to ask this same question. Did the 8 months go fast looking back? And also curious is he blocked? Has he tried to contact you?if he hasn’t tried and he actually reached out, how do you think you would react to that? Glad to hear you doing well, and keep it up blindsided! Link to post Share on other sites
Author BlindsidedTwice Posted August 28, 2021 Author Share Posted August 28, 2021 (edited) 9 hours ago, Luna66star said: Can I ask how you did it? Any special tips for those still struggling? Did he ever reach out to you during this time, and you ignored him? What a wonderful victory for you! I bet it feels great! Thank you so much Luna! At this point, I’d say it feels like 65% great and 35% sad. But that’s better than day one when it was 1% great and 99% sad. Or month one when it was 5% great and 95% sad. To be fair, this was not my first attempt at NC. We tried in the past and he always broke it. I did successfully ignore him a few times but eventually his persistence wore me down. This time, the decision for NC was mutual and he has not reached out, which obviously helps. I don’t have him blocked. I know this goes against most advice, but for me... 1) if his W finds out and comes after me, and if he wants to give me a heads up about that, I’d like for him to be able to tell me. 2) By not having him blocked, I know he’s not texting me. As sad as that is, I’m not wondering if I’m missing messages. I know for sure - he’s not reaching out and neither am I. It’s really over. As far as healing.... therapy was the BEST decision I made for myself post-affair. I trust my therapist and she has helped me uncover a lot of ugly and beautiful truths about myself. In addition to weekly therapy, I try to exercise outside daily. There is something magical about sweating and trying to catch your breath while out in the elements. I have found an all female running group and being with them makes me feel so good in such a healthy way. On my bad days, I have a couple of friends here on LS who I message, who understand. No one in my real life knows what I did, but I can’t suffer through this alone. I’d never make it. If anyone is in the early throws of NC (or the empty sad boring part of NC) feel free to direct message me. It helps me to talk to other people and I’d like to think I am helping others too. ❤️ Edited August 28, 2021 by BlindsidedTwice 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BlindsidedTwice Posted August 28, 2021 Author Share Posted August 28, 2021 6 hours ago, Snakesalive said: Fantastic and Well done , unless you’ve been On the journey it’s hard to understand what an achievement this is . Thanks so much for posting and proving with hard work on yourself and determination you can do this . Thank you so much. I realize it sounds ridiculous from an outside perspective, but yes for me, it’s an incredible achievement. I am addicted to this man, so every moment away from him is both challenging and rewarding. 6 hours ago, Snakesalive said: looking back when I was in the affair I was drowning with occasional times I can up for breath ( the highs) the rest of the time I was drowning (the lows) when it ewas finally able to swim to the surface stay afloat and swim strongly towards something much much better-I know it might sound strange but it helped xo What a perfect analogy. I love the idea that I’m swimming strong to the shore now rather than treading water, desperate for a breath. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 29, 2021 Share Posted August 29, 2021 21 hours ago, BlindsidedTwice said: I don’t have him blocked. I know this goes against most advice, but for me... Unfortunately you're leaving this door open. You need to block and delete him and all his people from all your social media and messaging apps. Running this "will he contact me?" program in the back of your mind is eroding your peace and interfering with moving forward. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BlindsidedTwice Posted August 29, 2021 Author Share Posted August 29, 2021 (edited) On 8/28/2021 at 8:17 AM, Beentheretoooften said: Did the 8 months go fast looking back? It didn’t. Every milestone was painful. One day without him. One week. One month. 3 months. 6 months. Something finally shifted for me recently though and I am now viewing 8 months of NC in terms of success rather than pain. Edited August 29, 2021 by BlindsidedTwice 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BlindsidedTwice Posted August 29, 2021 Author Share Posted August 29, 2021 (edited) 51 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: You need to block and delete him Thanks for the advice and you are right. He is not on any social media or apps or anything but I haven’t blocked his actual phone number. I’ve made my decision for now but I am continuously making progress with my therapist and perhaps that will be a step for me in the future. 🙂 Edited August 29, 2021 by BlindsidedTwice 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BlindsidedTwice Posted August 29, 2021 Author Share Posted August 29, 2021 1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said: Unfortunately you're leaving this door open. Actually, your comment pissed me off enough to make me block him. Just now. Haha! Thank you so much. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BlindsidedTwice Posted August 29, 2021 Author Share Posted August 29, 2021 (edited) On 8/28/2021 at 8:17 AM, Beentheretoooften said: And also curious is he blocked? Has he tried to contact you?if he hasn’t tried and he actually reached out, how do you think you would react to that? Glad to hear you doing well, and keep it up blindsided! He’s blocked. 🙂 He never tried to contact me during this most recent NC and now he cannot anyway. Thank you so much for the support and encouragement. 😊 Edited August 29, 2021 by BlindsidedTwice 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Snakesalive Posted August 29, 2021 Share Posted August 29, 2021 Another step forward well done Link to post Share on other sites
Author BlindsidedTwice Posted August 29, 2021 Author Share Posted August 29, 2021 (edited) 26 minutes ago, Snakesalive said: Another step forward well done Thank you!!! I let myself have a little cry over it, but I’m fine now. Moving on! ✌️ Edited August 29, 2021 by BlindsidedTwice 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Beentheretoooften Posted August 29, 2021 Share Posted August 29, 2021 2 hours ago, BlindsidedTwice said: He’s blocked. 🙂 Amazing! And just like that. It just took a little encouragement from LS, your original post was now worth it. Everyone is happy for you. LS also hopes that YOU are happy for you! Happy to see growth 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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