Extreme nervousness

[spiderowl]

How is he trying to help you, Priya?

I understand that you like him and are interested in him.

Other posters gave good advice that you should not send him revealing or sexy pics or videos or do that in video chats with him.  I know you see him as your boyfriend but there is a big age gap and someone of his age should be responsible and not ask these things of you.

What does he want you to do to make more effort?

[LynneVicious]

You mention he is both 23 and 24. How old is he really? If you think about it seriously, don’t you think your nervousness is trying to tell you something?

Spending 4 months in an online relationship is wasting your time. Where is the future in this ‘relationship’? And what would you have in common with a man so much older than you? And what effort does he ask you to put into this relationship? There’s no effort to be made because it’s not a sustainable relationship. 

It sounds like you have really low self esteem - which is why you found yourself in this situation. It can be dangerous. Even if you can’t speak with your parents, do you have friends you can talk with? The people here giving advice on this board are only trying to steer you in the right direction. No one here has any ulterior motives. I wish you’d listen. 

[stillafool]

15 hours ago, Priya said:

Secondly I can't just keep on putting money on therapies as it is expensive. I would rather like to take help from people over here though they are expert or not if they say logically or prove something logically they are the expert. 

No you're wrong.  No one here is an expert that I know of and if they are they aren't on this board to give FREE professional advice.  You do need a therapist.

From what I understand this guy is frustrated because now that you are in an online relationship you won't talk.  Is that correct.  He wants you to open up and act natural but because you are intimidated by him and his friends your voice freezes up.  Is that correct?

I hate to tell you this but more than likely this guy already has a girlfriend or wife in real life and is using you for fantasy or some other reason.  He is not alone or free to be with you and I doubt he wants to be.

Edited August 28, 2021 by stillafool

[ExpatInItaly]

12 hours ago, Priya said:

He is trying to help me

Can you please clarify what exactly he is doing?

You're speaking in very vague terms which makes it hard to understand what is really happening. 

[Priya]

4 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Can you please clarify what exactly he is doing?

You're speaking in very vague terms which makes it hard to understand what is really happening. 

Hello there, he is trying to make me comfortable and he has tried to put me in the comfort zone, he told me to share the boring-boring things because i already told him that I am a boring person, I don't have topics. Not only help, he tries to understand my situation and he put all of the efforts like calling me even after me not calling him for months and months , then accepting me even after that he is aware that I am an introvert, boring Personality and I am very quiet like introvert sometimes can speak too, in front of him it's like too much. He is kind of adjusting because he doesn't like this introvert people. 

[ExpatInItaly]

This guy is not going to stick around, Priya. 

The whole situation is strange and if he doesn't like introverts, he's probably seeing other women locally who can meet him in person. Please don't get attached to him too much. You will get hurt when he's had his fill and fades out. 

[d0nnivain]

31 minutes ago, Priya said:

Hello there, he is trying to make me comfortable and he has tried to put me in the comfort zone, he told me to share the boring-boring things because i already told him that I am a boring person, I don't have topics.  * * * t I am an introvert, boring Personality and I am very quiet like introvert sometimes can speak too, in front of him it's like too much. He is kind of adjusting because he doesn't like this introvert people. 

First you may be misusing the word introvert.  It is not synonymous with shy or socially awkward.  It means somebody who recharges their own batteries by being alone & who finds social situations draining.   You may be shy or awkward & you are certainly inexperienced but that doesn't necessarily make you introverted. 

That said, everybody is shy & awkward at your age.  You may not have a glamourous jet setting life but you have topics.  You do things in your life.  You don't just sit in a room on a hard chair staring at 4 white walls.  Talk about what you did during the day -- shows you watched, things you thought about, your hopes & dreams.  You can discuss the upcoming school year; you can talk about how Covid affects you & your family; you can talk about where you think you want to go to university & what you want to be when you grow up.  Think about things you talk to your friends about & conversations you have around the dinner table.  The point is to open up so you can get to know each other.  Just be wary of sexual topics.  

[Priya]

5 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

This guy is not going to stick around, Priya. 

The whole situation is strange and if he doesn't like introverts, he's probably seeing other women locally who can meet him in person. Please don't get attached to him too much. You will get hurt when he's had his fill and fades out. 

I know that the guy is not going to stick around it's because first it is online. We can't trust each other how much we do for each other because we never know is he faking or what. But as I see him trust me this guy is quiet  matured even I wonder then why doesn't he breaks up with me if he doesn't like this quiet people and what's actually stopping him to stay with me. Yesterday we talked about this like it was that situation where he was about to breakup and then he said "If I hang up this call you have to forget me and This would be the last call" It's because I was not speaking anything he told me give me a reason that I should stay with you because I wanted him to stay with me but I had none. I felt so helpless like it was I wanted to stay with him but I had no reason that he should stay with me. Because I don't text, I don't call and he thinks I don't get affected from any of this neither do I love him, this is his thinking. But ofcourse I do and if this relationship takes end I want it to be peaceful not like this at least this is a very matters reason to actually breakup but though it matters the efforts and communication you put. He hanged up the call and oof I was in so much burden like something heavy on my head and again he called me after in 10 secs. I wondered what why is he doing this. He even wants to be in this relationship but he doesn't have any reason to actually stay. 

[Priya]

Just now, d0nnivain said:

First you may be misusing the word introvert.  It is not synonymous with shy or socially awkward.  It means somebody who recharges their own batteries by being alone & who finds social situations draining.   You may be shy or awkward & you are certainly inexperienced but that doesn't necessarily make you introverted. 

That said, everybody is shy & awkward at your age.  You may not have a glamourous jet setting life but you have topics.  You do things in your life.  You don't just sit in a room on a hard chair staring at 4 white walls.  Talk about what you did during the day -- shows you watched, things you thought about, your hopes & dreams.  You can discuss the upcoming school year; you can talk about how Covid affects you & your family; you can talk about where you think you want to go to university & what you want to be when you grow up.  Think about things you talk to your friends about & conversations you have around the dinner table.  The point is to open up so you can get to know each other.  Just be wary of sexual topics.  

An introvert is someone who is a quiet person, ofcourse I am socially awkward but that again depends on what my thinking is at that specific time. Thanks for the reply though

[d0nnivain]

2 minutes ago, Priya said:

An introvert is someone who is a quiet person, 

No it's not.  It's misused that way but it means what I said it means.  Look it up on your browser.  

Definition aside, social skills are learned.  Anyone can make small talk if they make the effort.  It takes practice.  Why are you so unwilling to try?  

The thing about people is that everybody is nervous & insecure especially in the beginning.  People are focused on themselves, afraid to seem awkward that they don't pay any attention to the other person's discomfort of gaffs.  There is no reason for you to hold back talking.  One of the best things you can do when you don't know what to say is ask a question.  How was your day?  What's your favorite [food, movie etc.]?  What do you think about [subject]?    Give it a try.  

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, Priya said:

He even wants to be in this relationship but he doesn't have any reason to actually stay. 

Priya, he isn't actually "staying" when there is no real relationship to stay in. Chatting online takes little effort and does not constitute a relationship, so it's not as though he's making any significant effort here. He's just continuing to talk to you. That's it. 

[glows]

On 8/29/2021 at 4:17 AM, Priya said:

I know that the guy is not going to stick around it's because first it is online. We can't trust each other how much we do for each other because we never know is he faking or what. But as I see him trust me this guy is quiet  matured even I wonder then why doesn't he breaks up with me if he doesn't like this quiet people and what's actually stopping him to stay with me. Yesterday we talked about this like it was that situation where he was about to breakup and then he said "If I hang up this call you have to forget me and This would be the last call" It's because I was not speaking anything he told me give me a reason that I should stay with you because I wanted him to stay with me but I had none. I felt so helpless like it was I wanted to stay with him but I had no reason that he should stay with me. Because I don't text, I don't call and he thinks I don't get affected from any of this neither do I love him, this is his thinking. But ofcourse I do and if this relationship takes end I want it to be peaceful not like this at least this is a very matters reason to actually breakup but though it matters the efforts and communication you put. He hanged up the call and oof I was in so much burden like something heavy on my head and again he called me after in 10 secs. I wondered what why is he doing this. He even wants to be in this relationship but he doesn't have any reason to actually stay. 

Let him go. If he continues to talk with you you can block him permanently. Both of you aren't getting along at all and you are not what he's looking for. There is nothing wrong with you. Hold off on dating boys and focus on your school work, finish your schooling and be self-sufficient on your own. 

He hung up on you and then called you back after 10 seconds because he's looking for a reaction from you. It's a very childish and unnecessary game. Leave him alone.

[Priya]

22 hours ago, glows said:

Let him go. If he continues to talk with you you can block him permanently. Both of you aren't getting along at all and you are not what he's looking for. There is nothing wrong with you. Hold off on dating boys and focus on your school work, finish your schooling and be self-sufficient on your own. 

He hung up on you and then called you back after 10 seconds because he's looking for a reaction from you. It's a very childish and unnecessary game. Leave him alone.

 

22 hours ago, glows said:

Let him go. If he continues to talk with you you can block him permanently. Both of you aren't getting along at all and you are not what he's looking for. There is nothing wrong with you. Hold off on dating boys and focus on your school work, finish your schooling and be self-sufficient on your own. 

He hung up on you and then called you back after 10 seconds because he's looking for a reaction from you. It's a very childish and unnecessary game. Leave him alone.

Hey there thanks for the reply again I wanna say see ofcourse it's very wrong to date a guy who is so older to me but ofcourse that's not my problem it's his, if I am not the one who he is looking for its ofcourse his choice to leave me, if he is not leaving there could be many reasons but what all matters is that he doesn't wants this relationship to end. I wonder too why if a man can't get anything from a kid then why is he even in a relationship like okay just not the "Satisfy my lust"  Thing but there are numerous reasons that why he shouldn't be with me I am a boring person I am neither his interest. 

I just can't ghost a guy and after when I am attached no way. I understand you guys have experience and you are telling me according to that but trust me whatever will happen, let's just see. I just need help. 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Priya said:

I just can't ghost a guy and after when I am attached no way. I just need help. 

If you don't help yourself by distancing yourself, no one can help you.

If you are talking about psychological problems a doctor can help you.

[stillafool]

2 hours ago, Priya said:

I just need help. 

People are giving you their help and the majority says to block this guy and go NC; but you refuse.  You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink it.

[glows]

2 hours ago, Priya said:

 

Hey there thanks for the reply again I wanna say see ofcourse it's very wrong to date a guy who is so older to me but ofcourse that's not my problem it's his, if I am not the one who he is looking for its ofcourse his choice to leave me, if he is not leaving there could be many reasons but what all matters is that he doesn't wants this relationship to end. I wonder too why if a man can't get anything from a kid then why is he even in a relationship like okay just not the "Satisfy my lust"  Thing but there are numerous reasons that why he shouldn't be with me I am a boring person I am neither his interest. 

I just can't ghost a guy and after when I am attached no way. I understand you guys have experience and you are telling me according to that but trust me whatever will happen, let's just see. I just need help. 

If you prefer to wait and see then by all means, do so. It is your choice.

Edited August 31, 2021 by glows

[ExpatInItaly]

8 hours ago, Priya said:

just need help. 

Nobody can help you if you cannot help yourself. 

[Wiseman2]

12 hours ago, Priya said:

 I just need help. 

Hopefully you have read this notice on the site?

You don't seem to want help because you are a minor and won't ask your parents to take you to a physician. You also won't stop talking to this creep.

"Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number."