Extreme nervousness

[stillafool]

1 minute ago, Priya said:

Not Compatible  of what? 

You are 17 and he is 23.  Incompatible stages of life.

[Hokuto]

He's 23 and you're 17

this is not ok at all

leave him and do not talk to him, this will only end badly

[spiderowl]

Maybe you are feeling out of your depth?  He is much older.  Why do you want to date someone so much older?

[Priya]

Just now, spiderowl said:

Maybe you are feeling out of your depth?  He is much older.  Why do you want to date someone so much older?

I just don't know my heart melted and his personality is also so attractive

[Wiseman2]

30 minutes ago, Priya said:

I mentioned I met him online and I have never seen him as in a person but I have talked with him on video calls. 

Do you parents forbid you to date because of your age and/or cultural/religious reasons?

You're nervous, not because he's so great, but because you are doing this behind your parents back.

They would probably not be happy that you are talking to this older creep who you know will eventually lure you into sexting, sending nudes, etc.

Although this attention from an older guy is flattering, you are going down a dangerous cyber-fantasy. You really don't know who he is for example Married? A  criminal?, etc.

This is why your parents would not be happy about this and why you are "nervous". Because it's wrong.

 

[Priya]

Just now, Wiseman2 said:

Do you parents forbid you to date because of your age and/or cultural/religious reasons?

You're nervous, not because he's so great, but because you are doing this behind your parents back.

They would probably not be happy that you are talking to this older creep who you know will eventually lure you into sexting, sending nudes, etc.

Although this attention from an older guy is flattering, you are going down a dangerous cyber-fantasy. You really don't know who he is for example Married? A  criminal?, etc.

This is why your parents would not be happy about this and why you are "nervous". Because it's wrong.

 

Its not definitely because of my parents I agree my parents do not really allow me but it's definitely not because of my parents. 

[Wiseman2]

2 minutes ago, Priya said:

Its not definitely because of my parents I agree my parents do not really allow me but it's definitely not because of my parents. 

Ok . Will they let you date real-life real guys? This is just wasting your time on a cyber-fantasy with someone who seems to be a weirdo.

[Priya]

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

Ok . Will they let you date real-life real guys? This is just wasting your time on a cyber-fantasy with someone who seems to be a weirdo.

Oof this is so true but I can't just leave him like that right my personality wont allow me

[spiderowl]

3 minutes ago, Priya said:

Oof this is so true but I can't just leave him like that right my personality wont allow me

You can do what you wish.  You are your own master.

A 23-year-old is too old for a 17-year-old.  You are out of your depth and possibly getting involved with someone who may try to manipulate you.  This is why you are feeling nervous.

 

[Priya]

2 minutes ago, spiderowl said:

You can do what you wish.  You are your own master.

A 23-year-old is too old for a 17-year-old.  You are out of your depth and possibly getting involved with someone who may try to manipulate you.  This is why you are feeling nervous.

 

That's the thing I don't understand what should I do. I have been feeling this from a month but from last 2-3 weeks I am not at all feeling good. I have to keep things in my mind I can't even say them. I am scared to express myself. I feel too that he is very old but now we are in a relationship and I think to consider the age thing I should have done in the starting now there's no point. 

I don't know what should I do because I am overwhelmed everyday. 

[spiderowl]

3 minutes ago, Priya said:

That's the thing I don't understand what should I do. I have been feeling this from a month but from last 2-3 weeks I am not at all feeling good. I have to keep things in my mind I can't even say them. I am scared to express myself. I feel too that he is very old but now we are in a relationship and I think to consider the age thing I should have done in the starting now there's no point. 

I don't know what should I do because I am overwhelmed everyday. 

You can opt out of any relationship.  No guy can force you to be in a relationship.  You can just say sorry, but the age gap is too great.  Is this guy pressuring you in any way?  Has he said you are in a relationship with him and that you need to do certain things?  Relationships are something you choose to do, not something you feel you have to do.  

[Wiseman2]

4 minutes ago, Priya said:

I have been feeling this from a month but from last 2-3 weeks I am not at all feeling good. I have to keep things in my mind I can't even say them. 

I don't know what should I do because I am overwhelmed everyday. 

Ok this is a situation to discuss with your parents so they can take you to a doctor for help.

You can talk to a doctor/therapist in private. You can express your anxiety and moods.

You do know what to do about this weirdo. Delete and block him from all your social media, messaging and gaming apps. It's that simple.

[stillafool]

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Edited August 27, 2021 by stillafool

[Priya]

6 hours ago, spiderowl said:

You can opt out of any relationship.  No guy can force you to be in a relationship.  You can just say sorry, but the age gap is too great.  Is this guy pressuring you in any way?  Has he said you are in a relationship with him and that you need to do certain things?  Relationships are something you choose to do, not something you feel you have to do.  

He has just asked me to put efforts thats it and I think that's even ok to ask , agreeing to the fact that he is older but now things can't be undo if I accepted it was my choice and his choice to propose me. Nobody forced and everything was good it is happening because of my way of thinking and my mentality. I don't know what's else is that more than that cause it's affecting me very badly. 

[Priya]

6 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Ok this is a situation to discuss with your parents so they can take you to a doctor for help.

You can talk to a doctor/therapist in private. You can express your anxiety and moods.

You do know what to do about this weirdo. Delete and block him from all your social media, messaging and gaming apps. It's that simple.

I can't tell this to my parents because they won't firstly allow me, I understand but as from both our decision we have went in this relationship me and my partner nobody forced in nothing. A weirdo is someone who is strange and does strange things. How can he be a weirdo, instead I am a weirdo over here who is scared of her own boyfriend. I already knew about the parents thing still I went and it's very common over here that's why we have to keep things low-key. Secondly I can't just keep on putting money on therapies as it is expensive. I would rather like to take help from people over here though they are expert or not if they say logically or prove something logically they are the expert. 

[lana-banana]

Priya, please end this situation. Block him and don't speak to him anymore. You do not owe him anything at all and you don't have to be in a relationship with him. You can find other men, who are your own age or closer, that you can talk to that don't make you feel nervous.

[Priya]

7 minutes ago, lana-banana said:

Priya, please end this situation. Block him and don't speak to him anymore. You do not owe him anything at all and you don't have to be in a relationship with him. You can find other men, who are your own age or closer, that you can talk to that don't make you feel nervous.

Thanks for replying. I am not able to if I don't have enough guts to just speak to him how can I and what reasoning should I even give. I just cant and if I breakup with him I am just going to never forgive myself because first of all I am not putting any efforts and I would seriously just ghost him okay it doesn't matters to him but small things matter to me

[lana-banana]

20 minutes ago, Priya said:

Thanks for replying. I am not able to if I don't have enough guts to just speak to him how can I and what reasoning should I even give. I just cant and if I breakup with him I am just going to never forgive myself because first of all I am not putting any efforts and I would seriously just ghost him okay it doesn't matters to him but small things matter to me

1) This isn't a real relationship, so you don't owe him anything at all. You can simply block him and never speak to him again.

2) Of course you can and will forgive yourself. In 5 years you won't even remember this guy existed.

3) You are not required to put in effort to a relationship that doesn't make you happy. If you want to walk, walk.

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, Priya said:

 I can't just keep on putting money on therapies as it is expensive. 

He's Not 'your partner'. You Never met, he's an internet weirdo.

Talk to your parents about your mental health .

Are you really 17? If so You are not paying for "therapies. Your Parents Pay for your Doctor MD Physician. 

[Priya]

1 hour ago, lana-banana said:

1) This isn't a real relationship, so you don't owe him anything at all. You can simply block him and never speak to him again.

2) Of course you can and will forgive yourself. In 5 years you won't even remember this guy existed.

3) You are not required to put in effort to a relationship that doesn't make you happy. If you want to walk, walk.

What about the feelings that I have for him? 

[Priya]

44 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

He's Not 'your partner'. You Never met, he's an internet weirdo.

Talk to your parents about your mental health .

Are you really 17? If so You are not paying for "therapies. Your Parents Pay for your Doctor MD Physician

See I can't talk about this with my parents and he is not a weirdo I am a weirdo. 

[ExpatInItaly]

14 hours ago, Priya said:

I really respect what you say but that isn't actually answering my problem. 

Yes, it is. Part of the reason you're so scared here is because you have never met this man. He's essentially a stranger to you and you're forcing yourself to be in a cyber-relationship with him. It isn't normal to have never met one's own boyfriend, Priya. 

7 hours ago, Priya said:

He has just asked me to put efforts thats it 

What exactly is he asking you to do? What do these "efforts" entail?

[Wiseman2]

7 hours ago, Priya said:

He has just asked me to put efforts

Do not sext or send nudes.  This creep is not a therapist. Talk to your parents about arranged marriage and your fear of that.

[d0nnivain]

 @Priya

I get it.  You like this guy's personality & you  are smitten but here's the thing you don't understand.  Adult men don't talk to little girls like you they met on the internet for good, kind, honest, pure reasons.  He's probably a pervert who preys on young girls.  He's grooming you to be his next victim.   If he is a good guy & not a sexual predator, he's got issues because otherwise he would be talking to women his only age, not a HS girl.  

You are overwhelmed because you are out of your depth.  You are hiding this from your parents because you know it's not a safe situation.  Still you feel drawn to him because it is forbidden.  You think it's exciting & fun when its really dangerous.  

Try to understand.  All the texting, phone calls & video calls in the world do not make this a "relationship."  It's only a relationship after you meet in person, go out a few times & start to get serious.  This guy doesn't want that.   He's filling your head with pretty lies about how bold & mature he finds you to lure you into his trap.  He wants sex & then he will drop you.  Please don't meet him because it's likely that you will either be pressured or forced into things you don't want.  

If you are generally bold & confident in other parts of your life then you must recognize that you are shutting down with him because subconsciously you know this is bad thing.  Your mind is trying to protect you from this guy.  Listen to yourself & walk away. 

It might have been a fun dalliance but I see danger & heartache ahead.  When you are doing something that you can't talk to your parents about whatever you are doing is wrong.  So stop.  They have your best interests at heart & are trying to protect you from dangers you don't have the experience, wisdom or maturity to appreciate yet.  When you find the right boy who is your own age  & everything is above board it will be easy to talk to your parents about him & your parents will be happy that you have a nice BF.  

[Priya]

4 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

 @Priya

I get it.  You like this guy's personality & you  are smitten but here's the thing you don't understand.  Adult men don't talk to little girls like you they met on the internet for good, kind, honest, pure reasons.  He's probably a pervert who preys on young girls.  He's grooming you to be his next victim.   If he is a good guy & not a sexual predator, he's got issues because otherwise he would be talking to women his only age, not a HS girl.  

You are overwhelmed because you are out of your depth.  You are hiding this from your parents because you know it's not a safe situation.  Still you feel drawn to him because it is forbidden.  You think it's exciting & fun when its really dangerous.  

Try to understand.  All the texting, phone calls & video calls in the world do not make this a "relationship."  It's only a relationship after you meet in person, go out a few times & start to get serious.  This guy doesn't want that.   He's filling your head with pretty lies about how bold & mature he finds you to lure you into his trap.  He wants sex & then he will drop you.  Please don't meet him because it's likely that you will either be pressured or forced into things you don't want.  

If you are generally bold & confident in other parts of your life then you must recognize that you are shutting down with him because subconsciously you know this is bad thing.  Your mind is trying to protect you from this guy.  Listen to yourself & walk away. 

It might have been a fun dalliance but I see danger & heartache ahead.  When you are doing something that you can't talk to your parents about whatever you are doing is wrong.  So stop.  They have your best interests at heart & are trying to protect you from dangers you don't have the experience, wisdom or maturity to appreciate yet.  When you find the right boy who is your own age  & everything is above board it will be easy to talk to your parents about him & your parents will be happy that you have a nice BF.  

Damn if it was like that, that he wants sex then I would have directly blocked him he knows every weakness of mine he is 24 and he is not a child predator and also he wound wait for so long we have been in this relationship for like 4 months. The parents thing I am from india and my parents mentality is something that I am not able to tell him. In india making boyfriend is not allowed so everything I do has to be kept secret atleast at this age. Everybody does her and it's not that i am in a relationship because everybody does. Everybody is ponting the mistake at him but the real problem is in me. If someone is trying to help you out or loves you doesn't obviously means that he wants sex. I have some problem in me that is inferiority complex and the other is the ability to not understand him. He is trying to help me but I am not able to help myself.