Women and Men really have a lot in common.

[tonyp56]

I've always thought this, but for the ladies and men out there, have you compared your stories? Pretty much everything men feel women feel, and of course vice-versa. As a man, I sometimes have problems expressing my feelings, but since I found this website, I've found that a lot of what I am feeling, women feel too. And I don't know why, but this has struck me. Men and women are supposed to be so different, but really when you look at it, we are so much alike it isn't funny. If you read several post from the "Breaking Up, Reconciliation & Coping" section and from the other sections about marriage, love, etc. you find that the only way you know you are reading something a woman wrote versus a man, is because of the pronoun's they use. (He dumped me, she dumped me,) However, everything else is very similar.

 

Now of course, I've always thought this, but I guess I've never been able to compare what women and men think and feel. If we (men and women) could just show this side of ourselves when we meet each other in person (social occasions, blind dates, friendship, etc.), I am sure that men and women could get along a lot better with each other. It seems that we always fight about the dumbest things. Really, we are all human, and we all want companionship, friendship, love, affection, acceptence, and someone there to go through life with.

 

What does everyone else think? Don't you think it is odd that we are supposed to be so different, but we are really so much a like?

 

Thoughts?

[bunnzy]

All of humanity has the capability to feel love, disgust, fear, loss. Women and men do differ in how they communicate the same emotions. Without overgeneralising, because i am sure there are exceptions, most Women have 'girlfriends' that they talk to about silly trivial and deep personal things. Men have buddies they play video games with and talk about the last girl he nailed. Women express and Men bury, usually, when they are extremely upset.

 

Of course this is an overgeneralisation, but Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus are based on this. I tend to bury and bury and then explode myself, so i guess i refute my own theory.

 

It will be interesting to read what others will say about this.

[tonyp56]

Not to be too general, but, yes your right, I've never been out with my friends and asked or was asked to go to the bathroom with them, however, for me, when I am playing video games, etc. that is my outlet, much like a woman's is talking to her friend and letting it all out.

 

However, I am not saying men and women have different ways of expressing and/or releasing their emotions, it is the fact that we feel much the same kind of feelings. If we could just bridge the gap of expression, I think we could find that we are very, very, much a like, and if we could I think we could get along much easier.

 

This site offers its visiters a certain degree of security, and therefore men and women are able to express their feelings. If we could just keep this open in the real world, I think the idea of sex wars would end.

 

Keep'em coming.

[laRubiaBonita]

all i can say is DUH.

 

why would men and womens feelings not be similar? why would personal and relationship experiences be soo totally different?

 

i am glad that you realize that yes, 85% of human characteristics are shared.

[RecordProducer]

I think some men are closer to women and some are - what is considered - "typical males". Women and men differ in regards with the reasons that make them angry and how they express their negative feelings. They see family and many other things with different eyes. There are huge differences, IMHO.

 

But both sexes are emotional and fragile and we have a lot in common, I agree. There are features that are non-gender related.

[alphamale]

There are huge differences, IMHO.

I agree RP...if men and women were basically the same then there would be little cause for attraction between the sexes and the human race would die off eventually.

[RecordProducer]

I tend to bury and bury and then explode myself, so i guess i refute my own theory.

I do the same and it's very bad. I believe it comes from the fact that no man will take you seriously when you tell them something in a nice way. You have to then keep nagging and finally explode. Then they say "You should've told me this in a nice way ."

 

Yeah, right. So we have this learned behavior that only when we explode we get something. And naturally you can't explode at the beginning. You need to carry the pain inside for a while before it's ready to blow. And then you are/feel like a bitch.

 

By the way, I liked your post, Bunnzy.

[RecordProducer]

I agree RP...if men and women were basically the same then there would be little cause for attraction between the sexes and the human race would die off eventually.

So you think it's the differences that make the attraction? Hmmm... I guess. Some of the traits that are considered typical male are attractive to women. But not all of them. And it depends on what you consider typical male. I think in the Mars-Venus book J. Grey presents a low class male that keeps his mouth shut while staring at the football game on TV with a beer in his hand, not listening to the nagging lady. That's not typical male. And women are not like waves. They just keep suppressing their anger and sometimes they get tired of it, or they forgive, but go back to the same old feelings occasionally. Grey just doesn't know women and gives a one-sided non-scientific and monogenous approach. I find the book stupid.

 

Of course there are areas that require similarity such as intellectual level, interests, sex drive, etc., but they are not gender dependent. I believe we have a different mindsets. Emotionally we're similar though.

 

So what do you consider to be typical male? (I'll think about it and post in a few).

[d'Arthez]

Of course there are areas that require similarity such as intellectual level, interests, sex drive, etc., but they are not gender dependent.

These are gender dependent, even if you believe (rightfully or wrongfully) that both sexes have the same capacities for these things.

Let me put it simply: if the percentage of 12-year old boys that love ballet, horseback riding is equal to the percentage of 12-year old girls that love ballet and horseback riding, you may have had a case.

[laRubiaBonita]

These are gender dependent, even if you believe (rightfully or wrongfully) that both sexes have the same capacities for these things.

Let me put it simply: if the percentage of 12-year old boys that love ballet, horseback riding is equal to the percentage of 12-year old girls that love ballet and horseback riding, you may have had a case.

now you are getting more into socio-economic differences.

 

Basic needs and basic core feelings and emotions run the gamut.

[d'Arthez]

now you are getting more into socio-economic differences.

It has nothing yet to do with economic reasons. But even they do play a role. Especially in a country like India, or agrarian societies.

 

Basic needs and basic core feelings and emotions run the gamut.

 

Yes, but how are children taught to express themselves? And the question of expression cannot be easily answered in separation of the question of experience.

 

Research has been done, with adults rating the behaviors of a child on footage. They could not see whether the child in the footage was a boy or a girl. But when researchers said, "This is a girl / boy", it showed in the adult ratings of the behavior of the child. For the same behavior, girls are perceived as more aggressive, compared to boys.

 

In young girls for example, there is no reason (considering grades) to justify that they are less adept at mathematics. But it is a skill that is valued less in girls than in boys. That is one of the reasons why most math students are males and not females.

 

Mothers have been shown in research to talk more with young female children than with male children about feelings and things related to that. And it seems that that is one of the contributing factors to the gender difference that appears later in life - with females being better to talk and consider feelings than males. Quelle surprise.

 

With other words, a lot of differences are not so much innate, but created in society.

Sticking to the dichotomy "male" and "female" won't help you understand other people better.

[RecordProducer]

now you are getting more into socio-economic differences.

These are not really socio-economic differences. What d'arthez is saying has nothing to do with what I said (as usual). I was commenting Alpha's point that differences between genders attract opposite sexes. I agreed and added that there are features that are not gender-related and that require similar levels. I want my partner to be on the same intellectual level as me, to have similar sex drive, similar interests, etc. I am talking about attraction, not the whole population.

[laRubiaBonita]

ok...but the topic is not about differences....it is about the similarities.

[d'Arthez]

These are not really socio-economic differences. What d'arthez is saying has nothing to do with what I said (as usual).

If you can read, I said that a few of those attributes are in fact gender related. Or does your highly imtellectual brain not know how to refute that?

 

And the whole population thingy does not hold. If everyone were to require the same things as you, more than half of the population would never be in a romantic relationship in the first place.

[tonyp56]

Most of what is being talked about has more to do with socialization than it does with men and women's emotions. Of course, there is different ways that we each relate how we feel to one another and to others in our group (men to men, women to women). Though every man isn't the same and every woman isn't the same when it comes to relating his/her feelings. Depending on the country, parents, school, etc. each and every person is “raised” differently. Some men are raised to be men that never express their feelings, and some women are raised to be tom-boys. The point is, no two people are raised the same. Socialization has more to do with how we express ourselves, than what sex we are. If little girls were given cars to play with, and boys dolls, they would be different in later life, than the stereotypical male or female.

 

My original point wasn't about attraction, nor was it about social differences; it was about, how men and women feel pretty much the same kind things. Of course, there are obvious feelings that we share, but there is a lot more out there than just love and anger. And, from my experience on this board, I've found women and men express their feelings in much the same way. Like I said before, you can't tell who is talking except for the pronouns that they use (or sometimes their username . The question of why can't this happen in the real world came to mind. We both feel pretty much the same kind of feelings, we both get hurt, fall in love, get angry, hate, like, etc... And we both express our feeling in much the same way on this board, which goes to the title of this thread; we have a lot in common. Now, I admit, there is a lot of security on this board, men I think feel more comfortable expressing themselves, knowing that there is a certain amount of confidentiality. If we could only do this in the real world we could, I think end the problems or at least most of them between men and women.

[Outcast]

What does everyone else think? Don't you think it is odd that we are supposed to be so different, but we are really so much a like?

 

You've bought into the myths is all. As you get older and reason for yourself, you start to see that 'conventional wisdom' is rarely wise.

 

J. Grey presents a low class male that keeps his mouth shut while staring at the football game on TV with a beer in his hand, not listening to the nagging lady. That's not typical male. And women are not like waves. They just keep suppressing their anger and sometimes they get tired of it, or they forgive, but go back to the same old feelings occasionally. Grey just doesn't know women and gives a one-sided non-scientific and monogenous approach. I find the book stupid.

 

Um. I'm pretty sure his book has nothing to do with asexual reproduction

 

It's actually a very useful book in many ways; particularly in explaining how men often process information and situations - and science bears much of what GrAy says out.

[d'Arthez]

Most of what is being talked about has more to do with socialization than it does with men and women's emotions. Of course, there is different ways that we each relate how we feel to one another and to others in our group (men to men, women to women).

Don't you think socialization has anything to do with which emotions we may and may not express, as men and women? One step further, and you can even write experience instead of express.

 

Don't you think socialization has anything to do with the ideas a lot of people have, that women and men are fundamentally different with regards to emotions and such? And thus perpetuating an alleged confusion of languages?

 

A man is much more allowed to display aggression than a woman. But if a woman does not display aggression, she must use other ways to express her frustration. The similarity is there, but is hopelessly obscured by differences in social practice, i.e. what is supposedly masculine and feminine.

 

The question of why can't this happen in the real world came to mind. We both feel pretty much the same kind of feelings, we both get hurt, fall in love, get angry, hate, like, etc... And we both express our feeling in much the same way on this board, which goes to the title of this thread; we have a lot in common.

Of course we have a lot in common. One of the main problems is however, that we are actively taught that that is not the way. And on LS, we are less forced to behave as we ought to behave. No one can spot us, no one can see us cry, when we are hiding behind a computer screen. No one knows us well, at least in our perception.

 

Even in the dating scene, you can observe the confusion of language. And then of course there are all kinds of customs (man must do the approaching, and more of that), which make things even worse. Because of the inequality of the situation the man is more or less in control, thus leaving the woman no other options but to listen to the message on her VM for the umpteenth time, in the hope to discern whether or not the guy is interested in her or in her anatomical details. After all, men and women have been raised with different ideas of communication, and probably different ideas about sex and love too. Luckily that seems to be changing. And most of us have to learn a lot of lessons about gender differences the hard way.

[tonyp56]

I don't disagree with you, I never did. I understand the importance of socialization, and I know that the behaviors that I have comes from socialization more than it does from what sex I am. (I think I more or less said that in that post)

 

But how do we change all of society? That would be fine for the next generation, but for those out there now, it wouldn't do any good to change what society deems normal (everyone out there now are already socialized). The question becomes, how do we (men and women) learn to see how society has socialized us and how we can change that (Do in the real world what men and women do here on this board) Just knowing that women and men have so much in common, help at least me see more of what I need to do.