Firststepforward Posted August 28, 2021 Share Posted August 28, 2021 Long story short, I’m a MW and have been with MM for the last 3 years. I have a young child and have been married for the last 8 years. MM has 2 kids, both really really young. We’ve been together just before his 1st child was born. In the last 3 years, he has promised me many times (don’t they always) that he would leave, but when the dateline comes, he never does. I’ve always been ready to share custody of my child, and ready to leave my marriage (which isn’t loving, but my BS is a wonderful person who I still truly enjoy talking to, more of a friend but I still (platonically?) love him) MM on the other hand, says he doesn’t bear to leave his young kids, and cant imagine waking up without them. I can sense the love he has for the kids, and I think he’s afraid to lose it all ( the kids and the money) I think I’ve been feeling very frustrated lately about where this is going and today I finally plucked up enough courage to ask him one last time “are you going to leave?” With his usual answer, he said “I don’t know”. His W called him a few times as she was expecting him home (he was late as he was with me) and said to me “I really got to go. She’s asking and I’m worried she suspects something is up as I’ve been gone too long.” At that point, it just really hit me that’s where my position is. Even when I was feeling Low, he had to fulfil his husband duties first. My feelings don’t matter. His “I don’t know” was a clear answer itself. I told him before he left the car, “let’s break up, we’ve been together for 3 years. You still don’t know if you want to be with me. I know what this is.” He told me he didn’t want to break up, but I just left and drove off. He texted me a few times but I didn’t respond. I just need some support and encouragement today. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 28, 2021 Share Posted August 28, 2021 Welcome to LoveShack. May I ask you why you haven't left your marriage first if you expect MM to leave his? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Firststepforward Posted August 28, 2021 Author Share Posted August 28, 2021 Just now, stillafool said: Welcome to LoveShack. May I ask you why you haven't left your marriage first if you expect MM to leave his? Hi stillafool, thanks for responding. I think on LS, it’s the only place I feel I don’t have anything to hide. I haven’t left cos I’m selfish. Because I don’t want to end up alone, losing half of my child, disappointing my parents (who really love my husband). Plus, honestly my marriage isn’t bad at all. I’m a cheater cos I’m someone isn’t contented with what I have. My husband is a wonderful person. But I’m greedy and I want more. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 28, 2021 Share Posted August 28, 2021 Probably your MM feels the same way and this is why he hasn't left. If you read around this forum you will see that this is typical when a MW and a MM are having an affair. The affair is a fantasy and makes them feel good (until it doesn't anymore) but not enough to make either leave their real life. At this stage of your affair I imagine it isn't very much fun anymore but painful. This is when it's best to end it to prevent more pain and eventually a D-day which will blow up both of your lives. I recommend ending it and going NC at this point. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 28, 2021 Share Posted August 28, 2021 (edited) Welcome. I’m sorry to say this, but your story is very typical on this site. MW, willing to leave her marriage for her affair partner. To put it simply, you made a big mistake assuming that he felt the same. The truth, he simply wanted “more.” He selfishly enjoys having you in his life as the OW but he is not looking for a “replacement” wife - he already has a wife with whom he shares children, a home, a life. MW are often all too willing to replace their husband with their affair partner. MM, tend to want to stay exactly where they are - things are exactly as he wants them right now. This is a hard truth to accept, but it is reality. But, you will save yourself a lot of heartache if you walk away. Find a good counsellor, decide to commit to your marriage or divorce, and leave this man to his family. Take care. Edited August 28, 2021 by BaileyB 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 28, 2021 Share Posted August 28, 2021 1 hour ago, Firststepforward said: I haven’t left cos I’m selfish. Because I don’t want to end up alone, losing half of my child, disappointing my parents (who really love my husband). But you would be willing to do all of this if you could be with MM? Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 28, 2021 Share Posted August 28, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, Firststepforward said: I haven’t left cos I’m selfish. Because I don’t want to end up alone, losing half of my child, disappointing my parents (who really love my husband). Plus, honestly my marriage isn’t bad at all. I’m a cheater cos I’m someone isn’t contented with what I have. My husband is a wonderful person. But I’m greedy and I want more. Kindly, your husband deserves more than this. You have obviously lost your way, made some very poor decisions… Is this really who you want to be? Or are you interested in trying to fix this - trying to right the wrong and learning from this mistake? Counselling would be very appropriate here. The problem is within you. First step forward is counselling… Edited August 28, 2021 by BaileyB 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Syre17 Posted August 28, 2021 Share Posted August 28, 2021 Hang in there… My affair as a MM with a MW lasted about twice as long as yours. I felt and went through the same things as you are. I was promised by her over and over that she’d leave…but there was always an excuse… I went so far as to leave and divorce my then wife for her. I had two small children as well. In the end, I’d finally had enough of the hollow words, promises and excuses and walked away from my MW as well, as a single man. Haven’t seen or talked to her in forever, however she recently “liked” a pic on my social media within the past few weeks…and we aren’t connected through social media or otherwise, which I ignored… Link to post Share on other sites
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