Becomming Attractive- Women Help?

[big_girls_rock]

Hi I am a 20 yr. old girl who just recently moved from Ohio to Virginia. Back at home I didn't get a second glance but now that I moved Im realizing more guys are trying to talk to me. The thing is- I seem to be attracting the wrong guys. Basically all my life I have been the fat girl who was best friends with the girl who got the guy rather then the other way around. I've mainly have always looken in from the outside. Finally as I grew older I liked my curves and I dressed the way I wanted to and what flattered my figure. Now Im fearless- I make my own decisions, i finally got a good job and working on my second one- I am taking classes and by next year I plan to be touring and studying in another country. I am a Christian and back at home it was even more of a " problem " because I was surrounded by a church that was loving and close to me but somewhat controling. I still love God but I don't like the fact of having to worry about my life after death and a lot of the things I believe puts limits on what I really want to become and do in life. I do still fear that when I am judged it won't go as I'd hope but I seriously can't fake being a "true" Christian- I realize Im not perfect and I hate trying to be. Plus I was getting no advantages on the type of "woman" Christian guys were looking for. I wasn't that typical cute, sweet, and quiet girl that a lot of them were looking for- basically I wasn't your typical Christian girl waiting for her Christian guy to sweep her off her feet- I am a down-to-earth but independant girl. And I had a problem with giving all that independace up.

 

 

 

 

 

My problem is- though I think I take good care of myself- I run at night most days, I try to work with what I have and though I think I'm fine I get the strong feeling that Im in need a of a true makeover. I look like a little girls still lol- I get carded everwhere and a lot of people think I am 16 and maybe 17. What Im asking is that if you women can tell me what you think I need to do to improve myself and attract the certain guys that I want I can possibly use that information and re-vive the real me. Im just sick of this girly feeling about myself- I want to be noticed as a woman- or as that ugly duckling gone swan. I like who I've become inside- and though most of you will say- " well if YOU like what YOU'VE become- then why should it matter to anyone else? " Been there, heard that- there is something that attracts a guy to a girl and then there is that extra mile a woman goes to look and feel good about herself- thats what I need!

Any beauty, health, and any other advice would be greatly appreciated. I want to be wanted just like the next girl and I want to become the person I want to become- I am already that girl that people look at when I walk into a room but then is immediately ignored without a second glance. I feel awesome on the inside and I want the outside to match. Thanks for your help in advance.

[Tangerina]

Hey there, I'm 20 too and I think I know what you mean... I was always the nerdy kid, the un-trendy kid etc.... but now that I am getting older people are deffinitely starting to notice me more... as much as any concrete thing I have done I think it really all comes down to self confidence and expecting to be noticed and feeling like I deserve it... like I have never been a skinny girl, but never really been fat either, just kinda softly plump but I recently started running distance and now I can run 13 miles in one go and my body appearence hasn't changed all that much but the way I feel about myself has... when I look in the mirror now instead of thinking I look flabby I think "yah baby, this can outrun most guys I know..." and even though this is an internal thing I think people catch on to it.... I don't usually wear makeup and instead of looking awkward trying to look and dress like other people do, I started just dressing how makes me happy and how I think I look good and I now look totally cute and again, part of it is the confidence thing.... As far as attracting the kind of guy you want... I guess I would pass on some advice that was given to me by a very wise lady which is not to seek your power in men, but to be powerful in yourself and find someone who is attracted to that power for all the right reasons.... I am by no means an expert on this stuff! I still am just a nerdy girl at heart.... but I really like myself and my looks now and I have a super sweet and sexy boyfriend who likes it all too and likes the nerdiness inside and I think a big part of it has to do with me being happy with myself... so if you want to lose or gain weight or wear makeup or not or dress trendy or in your own style or eat healthy or hedonistically... do what makes you happy and you will meet someone who is attracted to that.....

[quankanne]

I think those women who are incredibly attractive are those who are comfortable with themselves. Do a web crawl for the Maya Angelou poem, "Phenomenal Woman," there's a whole lot of truth to it.

 

www.feminist.com/resources/artspeech/insp/maya.htm

 

It's simply that something inside –*everything else is unimportant, even when it comes down to the thought that men will flock to a pretty girl just because she's pretty: if she doesn't have that certain "oomph" to her personality, she'll fade into the background when a "phenomenal woman" comes along.

 

I guess I would pass on some advice that was given to me by a very wise lady which is not to seek your power in men, but to be powerful in yourself and find someone who is attracted to that power for all the right reasons

 

bingo!

[big_girls_rock]

Hey guys thanks for re-plying, I actually love that poem- I saw it a couple of years ago posted in a bbw site. Very wise words the both of you- but It seems I have tried all of those appraches- and the way the media portrays how women should act and look it still dosn't do much for me. I guess I need a revelation of some sort. Yeah those poems and words mean a lot but at the end of the day I still want to be a "better" me.

[big_girls_rock]

Oh- and Tangerina I think you are too adorable- congrats on running 13 miles! Wow- I can only run 1 without stopping at the moment lol but Im ok with that. I think its awsome that you can be yourself and you embrace your iner-nerdiness- nerds are hot point blank. I embrace my chubbyness too- now if only I can get a guy to.

[quankanne]

I dunno, you look like you'd be a scream to hang around with, looking at your photo ... like you could be irreverent, but in a good kind of way :D

 

too bad men don't look beyond the package, because the fun would REALLY begin, instead of wondering if you're dolled up enough to hold his attention

[Tangerina]

Haha, maybe you should move to Washington where I live cuz the boys are pretty nice and laid back out here... you look totally cute in your picture and you sound fun, most the guys I know out here totally dig that! Haha, I know that doesn't help much, but I just mean that there really are awesome guys out there who dig awesome girls, sometimes it just takes time to find them... Haha, that doesn't help much either cuz I know I hate when people tell me just to wait and let stuff solve itself... yikes... I know, maybe sign up for a really cool activity that you totally love, or if you are in college start a club based on it... and then meet people that way... cuz at least you will have a common interest to talk about at first, which helps a lot.... and then you could go from there and see if the are worthy of your coolness... I met my boy online (I know, so dorky!!! well, what can I say, I am a geek and he's a computer nerd, so ha) and we decided to hang out because we were like woah, we have everything in common down to taking the same classes at the same college, and that helped a lot and bam all the romantic stuff kind of just happened from there......

[CarmenIbanez]

I've never been skinny. But I've never had a problem getting the guys I want either. Because I want what I want. In order to attract the guys you want, you have know you can get them, and not care when you don't.

 

To be a better you, take pride in how you look. To attract certain types of men, pay attention to how you present yourself. What is your personal style? Stay away from trendy clothes and try a more classic look. Simple lines, simple jewelry. You'll notice that most women who are taken seriously have a simple classic look that isn't too "over the top".

 

I don't believe in beauty being skin deep. And I don't believe in judging a book by its cover, but you asked the question, and this is my opinion. While you should never judge a person by how they look, you should always remember that others will judge you that way.

[RecordProducer]

1. Always be yourself and be proud of your thoughts, opinions, and beliefs. That will give you self-confidence that is soooo sexy!

 

2. Smile a lot. We all like people who smile and we think they are good-hearted. This is probably the biggest tool of charm.

 

3. Help people around you (even with warm words if nothing else). Be sweet and meek (but not in the submissive way) cuz guys hate bitches and I am sure you're not one.

 

4. Make a lot of friends - nobody likes lonely, clingy women. Guys love women who can enjoy themselves and are fun to be with. Laugh a lot.

 

5. Work on your education, mental hygiene, and knowledge. Smart girls rule!

 

6. Take good care of yourself (your hair, make-up, skin, body). Not only that it will make you physically sexier, but you will also develop self-confidence.

[quankanne]

to RP's well-thought-out list, I'll add:

 

find your best feature and let it SHINE ~ each of us has a unique trait or quality or something that catch people's eye right away, and it's something we can polish to make it even more attractive.

 

boss's wife is nice looking for a woman pushing 60, but I think people are drawn to her because of the way she can connect with just about anyone she meets. They keep going back to her like bees to a flower, simply because she's developed that one trait that makes her stand out.

[New]

You are an attractive women. First, brain storm what it is about the men you are attracting that makes them the "wrong" kind of guy. Then, identify any of these traits that you see within yourself. Next work on eliminating these neggitve aspects of your personality and replacing them with positve attributes. Use positive affirmations. You have heard the saying birds of a feather flock together. You will atract the "right" type once you believe that you are the right type of girl. Some 90% of life is perception. Rent "What the Bleep Do We Know",for more insight. Be the attractive women that you are and continue to grow.

[ms_jnj]

You look really cute from your pic...

 

I have a friend that looks similar to you. She just did a mini-make over for herself, she got an above-the-shoulder, chunky, layered hair cut and put in dark red highlightes herself. She also got short, square french maincured, acryllic nails. The new hair is just very edgy and stylish and getting a good manicure with acryllic nails just strikes me as an stylish, adult woman thing to do.

[scobro]

I can run 13 miles in one go and my body appearence hasn't changed all that much

If you do this regularly and your body doesn't change your diet must be brutal

[JS17]

If you do this regularly and your body doesn't change your diet must be brutal

I would think from someone in your field of employment you would know that for many people there is much more to it than diet and exercise alone.

[Fun2BMe]

As others have said, attitude is #1 and smiling is also very important. If I dress up and look "hot" I attract all men but including shallow men I would rather not deal with. If I am dressed in sweats or jeans and sneakers with no makeup and go to the store, and smile and make eye contact, men for some reason find that very attractive. It shows a lot of confidence, maybe because they know many girls wouldn't want to be in public without getting dressed and makeup-ed out, and I get asked much more that way. It catches me by surprise, I think something is wrong for them to be interested in me, but I've gotten used to it and those men end up being the nice types you'd want to go out with who are observant and look at the inside.

 

Something else is how you dress, if you have made the transition from girlhood to womanhood. Do you wear heals? That shows a sign of maturity and indirectly makes you carry yourself with more adult attitude. You mention you are large so it may be uncomfortable for you to wear heals, but maybe you can find some that have cushions and are comfortable. ALso, don't wear too much make-up and jewelery, dress stylishly but dress up adult like with a blazer over a feminine (tight) shirt or blouse. And again, keep smiling, that will attract the most men and make you approachable. And that's good for you not to let the church rule your life. Keep your independence and strength and don't give in to the wrong man.