jelousy

[balaura]

Hello! I'm am 24 years old and I'm involeved in a relationship, which appears to be stabel. Me and my boyfriend are living together, but the only problem is that I am very jelous. Sometimes I think that I hace reasons to be, because he is flirting with other girls even when I'm around and that makes me feel neglected. I told him that, but he said he doesn't flirt, that is just his way of talking.

Another problem that bothers me is one of his female-friends, with whom he's slept once (taht was before he met me). It bothers me that he consideres her a "special" friend, and that makes me feel like a nobody. He knows their relationship hurts me, so he send her messages and talks to her whenever he thinks I don't hear or see. I've told him about this, too, but he just gets angry and doesn't want to talk about it. He says that my jeousy really drives him carzy...

Now, I know I have a problem with jelousy, but he is not helping me at all by doing this things. By hinding things from me, he just makes my jelosy grow and grow. I just want to know if anyone has experienced something like that. Any advice is welcome.

Thank you!

[danny_m]

I have experianced it, now how would your bf feel if the tables were turned and you were friends and writing and talking to an ex-bf or whatever that is your "special friend" would he have a problem with that?

 

Being jelouse is perfectly normal, it just shows you love that person and cant stand to imagine anything happening behind your back. If your partner doesn't concider you the most important person in the world and do whatever it takes to make you feel comfertable if that even means cutting off ties with the girl he humped, well i don't know what to say. But there are guys out there that would put your feelings on there first priority.

[witabix]

All so familiar...... the "Special Friend"... many people have been in your position. The most important thing to recognise here is that no one MAKES YOU FEEL ANYTHING. You decide how you feel. That said...

 

If there is contact that is hidden from you you have to decide if he is trustworthy, is he as committed to you as you are to him and vice versa, do you care about his happiness or just your own, is he hiding this contact because he cannot deal with your reactions?

 

If he knows that something he does really bugs you he may not change because he cannot or maybe he does not want to. The jealousy thing though is more about what you feel about yourself, at least that is what I have found.

 

You should choose a quiet time, when this issue is not at boiling point to discuss it with him. Start with explaining how you are feeling, DO NOT start sentences with "You make me feel......", instead try something like "I feel like.... when this happens.....". Focus on the issue and only the issue. Do not accuse, if you love him you will let him see inside your emotions, first perhaps you should spend some time to really understand your own emotions and formulate a way verbalise those feelings/emotions to the one you love in a non accusatory/threatening way. A lot of thought and personal soul searching is involved in overcoming a jealous personality, its a long journey and never seems to come to an end, I know I still have along way to go myself. Hope this helps.....

[glittergurl]

OMG i have so been there. Believe me, it only stopped the day I told the bitch flat out I didn't appreciate her talking to my man. She sort of disappeared from both our lives since then.

[Lizzard]

As a woman who is married and has many male friends I can say...there is some people who can really be friends. OKAY so I HAVE NOT slept with ANY of my males friends since they are 1. married like me or 2. engaged or 3. living with a gf or 4. gay.

I would say tell your man, about what your feel. NOT after you have seen them talking etc. etc. etc. Just sometime when you guys are just hanging out. You know, tell him it makes you jealous. It makes you feel uncomfortable.

Communication. Communication. communication.

Good luck honey!