DianaMaria20 Posted August 29, 2021 Share Posted August 29, 2021 Hi.I'm 22 and me and my ex have been officially broken up now for almost 3 years but during this time we remained in contact,we even got back together several times,ofc that didn't work out but we are now friends and also colleagues in uni(we've been to high school together and now same year in med school). Firstly,I want to say that we have openly declared our love and respect for each other all these years,we have fun together,we go out,we study together,so basically we're kind of best friends.When we broke up it was mainly because we were too young to be so involved as and also cus we couldn't get along,especially becaue of bad communication but we deeply loved each other even at the time we broke up.Neither of us has been in another relationship since then,but we didn't get back together either because one of us always wanted to while the other one thought it would be a failed relationship again. We've both been working on ourselves since then and matured but I personally (and I know he thinks this way too) am too afraid to admit I want to be with him again.I have even tried many times to take a bit of time off from him from time to time,to detach from him,maybe I would get over but I didn't succeed.It is just too painful to live without him or not to hear from him at least a couple of times a month. I sometimes think obssesively about him and I feel he is too,not to mention everytime we see each other it's not just a chit chat,we actually still hug and laugh and cry together,what i want to say is that we both are really passionate people and that shows in the way we relate to each other.So now I don't know what to do.I feel like I have never truly fallen out of love with him.He is,truth be,my best friend. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 30, 2021 Share Posted August 30, 2021 Oh boy. You are kidding yourself & living a delusion. You two are not platonic friends. You are mis-using that word. You are tethering yourself to him because you continue to want a relationship with him & this is your way of hanging on to him. He's a crutch. With him around you don't have to grow up. You don't have to find out what it's like to be independent & function without a BF. You don't have to date others & risk heart break. You are stifling yourself Until you fully cut the cords & your ties to HS you will not make good friends in college or grow into an independent adult. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 30, 2021 Share Posted August 30, 2021 You need to distance yourself, or you are going to wind up incredibly hurt when he meets someone else and no longer is so present in your life. Sooner or later, that is exactly what is going to happen. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DianaMaria20 Posted September 11, 2021 Author Share Posted September 11, 2021 (edited) Did you ever find yourself in the position where you can’t stop stalking your ex even though you knew it prevented you from properly healing? Did you manage to end the stalking and how? Personally,I still love and care for my ex and sometimes I miss him so much that the only way to be connected to him is to check his last seen on Whatsapp or see if he’s online on Facebook and stuff like that.I know it’s wrong and I know it does no good but I can’t let go of this addiction.I feel that if I would,I would let go of him completely and I am not ready to do that. Note:It’s been 3 years since our breakup(we also tried to fwb,then just friends during this time but neither did work.) Edited September 11, 2021 by DianaMaria20 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted September 11, 2021 Share Posted September 11, 2021 As per your previous thread, focus on school and making new friends. You keep telling yourself he’s your best friend so this pattern doesn’t break. Stalking anyone doesn’t imply anything healthy. There are lost opportunities for new friendships and relationships. Keep your distance and limit your contact with him. Since you are both at the same university you can remain polite but move on. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 11, 2021 Share Posted September 11, 2021 How are you going to react when he gets a gf and posts it on social media? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 11, 2021 Share Posted September 11, 2021 On 8/29/2021 at 4:59 PM, DianaMaria20 said: I'm 22 and me and my ex have been officially broken up now for almost 3 years but during this time we remained in contact,we even got back together several times,ofc that didn't work out but we are now friends and also colleagues in uni. Sorry this happened. What was the breakup about? It would be best to step way back from all this. Especially being on/off, staying friends and worst of all pretending fwb would work out. Delete and block him from all your social media and messaging apps. Get a good profile and pics on some quality dating and start talking to and meeting men for a low-key coffee. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 11, 2021 Share Posted September 11, 2021 It's like any other bad habit. Mind over matter. Take it one day at a time, Just tell yourself you won't look today. Say that every day. Have things you do instead -- go for a walk, call a friend, speed clean something Just don't look. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DianaMaria20 Posted September 11, 2021 Author Share Posted September 11, 2021 2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Sorry this happened. What was the breakup about? It would be best to step way back from all this. Especially being on/off, staying friends and worst of all pretending fwb would work out. Delete and block him from all your social media and messaging apps. Get a good profile and pics on some quality dating and start talking to and meeting men for a low-key coffee. We broke up when we were 19 cus he said he was too young to be in such a committed relationship and even if I suffered I honestly started to get it.Neither of us has been in another relationship since even though at that time we broke up he said he felt like he needed to experience with more girls. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 11, 2021 Share Posted September 11, 2021 On 8/29/2021 at 4:59 PM, DianaMaria20 said: We've both been working on ourselves since then and matured but I personally (and I know he thinks this way too) am too afraid to admit I want to be with him again Has he asked you to get back together? If not, why wouldn't he ask you back if he wants knowing you want to get back with him? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 12, 2021 Share Posted September 12, 2021 The issue here isn't social media stalking, in and of itself. It's your refusal to let go of something that was over a long time ago. If you don't delete him from your social media, you will not be able to move on. Even if he has not had a relationship since he broke up with you, he's probably been dating around or sleeping with other girls here and there. It will hurt you tremendously when the day comes that he meets someone and she debuts as his new girlfriend online. Delete him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DianaMaria20 Posted September 13, 2021 Author Share Posted September 13, 2021 today he wanted to see me and acted like he wanted to get back together,he was really touchy-feely and insinuated stuff,we almost kissed but i told him i have to know he wants to commit cus i can’t do fwb.He got realy deffensive and said he can’t help that he s so attracted to me but doesn’t see a future with me. So,i cut him off.I told him i can’t be friends with him anymore.I blocked him on everything and I am ready to move on for good.I just hope he’s gonna leave me alone. I love him too much to just pretend i can be only friends with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 13, 2021 Share Posted September 13, 2021 (edited) 2 minutes ago, DianaMaria20 said: he was really touchy-feely and said he can’t help that he s so attracted to me but doesn’t see a future with me. So,i cut him off. Excellent. It's insulting to start grabbing at you then tell he you are not GF or future material. Edited September 13, 2021 by Wiseman2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 13, 2021 Share Posted September 13, 2021 37 minutes ago, DianaMaria20 said: I just hope he’s gonna leave me alone. You are in control of this. Block him everywhere so he can't reach you and stop spying on his social media. Start dating other guys and have fun with your life. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 14, 2021 Share Posted September 14, 2021 9 hours ago, DianaMaria20 said: i cut him off.I told him i can’t be friends with him anymore.I blocked him on everything Good. He's just trying to use you get his rocks off. 9 hours ago, DianaMaria20 said: I just hope he’s gonna leave me alone. This doesn't even really matter if you stop responding. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted September 14, 2021 Share Posted September 14, 2021 On 8/29/2021 at 3:59 PM, DianaMaria20 said: we both are really passionate people and that shows in the way we relate to each other. until he tells you he's met someone new and it's going to be breathtaking how fast you're going to do an about face on that. Link to post Share on other sites
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