what to do

[reelnique]

Hello , me and my gf had a big argument last week , i found out she was texting with someone , it was nothing and belive her , in the past i did same thing.. so now she become so cold , she say she still love me , i belive that too but i dont know how to act , i love her like crazy and im afraid i ll become cold like her and thats means ending , my mistake now is i become a bit paranoid and suspicious , she change her privacy settings in whatsapp , it was just a notice from me , i asked her why , tried to talk with her and she said because of me , im afraid to talk about sensitive stuff like who was that on your phone etc...even if is a simple friend ,im just low and sad and i dont want to show her because its nothing anymore and i notice she s annoyed if im like that , but cant be fake , cant help to not show my feelings
im thinking about break up , she told me she want days ago but i tried to convince her , there are chances and since then its bad , like this reliation falling apart , any advice please ? sorry for long text and my english , thanks for listen me

[Fox Sake]

1 hour ago, reelnique said:

Hello , me and my gf had a big argument last week , i found out she was texting with someone , it was nothing and belive her , in the past i did same thing.. so now she become so cold , she say she still love me , i belive that too but i dont know how to act , i love her like crazy and im afraid i ll become cold like her and thats means ending , my mistake now is i become a bit paranoid and suspicious , she change her privacy settings in whatsapp , it was just a notice from me , i asked her why , tried to talk with her and she said because of me , im afraid to talk about sensitive stuff like who was that on your phone etc...even if is a simple friend ,im just low and sad and i dont want to show her because its nothing anymore and i notice she s annoyed if im like that , but cant be fake , cant help to not show my feelings
im thinking about break up , she told me she want days ago but i tried to convince her , there are chances and since then its bad , like this reliation falling apart , any advice please ? sorry for long text and my english , thanks for listen me

Hey buddy , 

Welcome to LS
 

This sounds very unhealthy. 
My only goal with this post is to preserve you. Not the relationship, because it sounds like it’s already over, you just haven’t accepted that yet. 

You probably need to leave this relationship. If you want any chance for it to work, or any chance for you to heal and get over her- you have to leave either way. I get the feeling like you’re on the edge of sanity with this relationship and I don’t want you to get damaged. If you leave now , you can hold some strength without being destroyed if she is just keeping you around for a slow fade. 
 

Not only has she been texting someone , but she got you to basically be okay with it. Don’t be a mug. 
She also told you she was thinking about breaking up. 
You begged her not to.  
She’s now cold with you.  
If you don’t man up and find some self respect and show her your value and leave, then she will ultimately do it for you.
 

I haven’t seen one healthy thing you have posted  with regards to your relationship. I’m really sorry 😞  

You sound like you would jump through hoops for this girl , and she’s probably aware of that. Without it returned on her part, it likely just makes you look like a pushover to her. 
You don’t trust her anymore and are already paranoid. You don’t feel you can speak to her anymore….
 

Where does that leave you?  
 

Look inside yourself,  I’m certain you already know. Don’t be afraid man!
The wrong things in your life are like a drought. When things are correct for you in life and you’re on the right path , everything flows like water. 
 

 

 

[ExpatInItaly]

11 hours ago, reelnique said:

i found out she was texting with someone

Can you explain more about this - texting with whom, and about what? 

 

9 hours ago, Fox Sake said:

in the past i did same thing.

Same questions as above. 

It sounds like the trust is gone in this relationship and you've both sought out other people to fill the voids. You know this isn't what a healthy relationship looks like. 

[reelnique]

10 hours ago, Fox Sake said:

Hey buddy , 

Welcome to LS
 

This sounds very unhealthy. 
My only goal with this post is to preserve you. Not the relationship, because it sounds like it’s already over, you just haven’t accepted that yet. 

You probably need to leave this relationship. If you want any chance for it to work, or any chance for you to heal and get over her- you have to leave either way. I get the feeling like you’re on the edge of sanity with this relationship and I don’t want you to get damaged. If you leave now , you can hold some strength without being destroyed if she is just keeping you around for a slow fade. 
 

Not only has she been texting someone , but she got you to basically be okay with it. Don’t be a mug. 
She also told you she was thinking about breaking up. 
You begged her not to.  
She’s now cold with you.  
If you don’t man up and find some self respect and show her your value and leave, then she will ultimately do it for you.
 

I haven’t seen one healthy thing you have posted  with regards to your relationship. I’m really sorry 😞  

You sound like you would jump through hoops for this girl , and she’s probably aware of that. Without it returned on her part, it likely just makes you look like a pushover to her. 
You don’t trust her anymore and are already paranoid. You don’t feel you can speak to her anymore….
 

Where does that leave you?  
 

Look inside yourself,  I’m certain you already know. Don’t be afraid man!
The wrong things in your life are like a drought. When things are correct for you in life and you’re on the right path , everything flows like water. 
 

 

 

agree with 100% with you...i just thinking about herself more than me but the thing is i cant see myself without her and thats my only fear that 1 day she will say its over and then i ll be done , like destroyed , thaanks for reply , apreciate it

[reelnique]

1 hour ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Can you explain more about this - texting with whom, and about what? 

 

Same questions as above. 

It sounds like the trust is gone in this relationship and you've both sought out other people to fill the voids. You know this isn't what a healthy relationship looks like. 

she was chating with one of her massage(nothing kinky in that, just massage) clients , he tried to hit on her and she didnt stop , like i was doing 1y ago with my ex , she text me to help her to buy flight ticket and start talking about us , didnt entertain in that way but didnt said no and reject her... my mistake im a moron

[ExpatInItaly]

It sounds like you are both bored with each other and she is losing interest in the relationship. 

It is probably best to part ways rather than drag it out. 

[reelnique]

1 hour ago, ExpatInItaly said:

It sounds like you are both bored with each other and she is losing interest in the relationship. 

It is probably best to part ways rather than drag it out. 

yeah i know what you mean but recently she got a new place , she still living with me but told me to move with her...i really dont understand nothing

[d0nnivain]

16 hours ago, reelnique said:

 im afraid to talk about sensitive stuff like who was that on your phone etc...

Trust & communication are essential for a healthy relationship.  You seem to have neither.  You can't be afraid to talk to your own GF.  

I'm not clear about your living arrangements.  You said you live together but then you say she got her own place & asked you to come with her.  For her to go out & get a new apartment without you but ask you along as sort of an afterthought doesn't make much sense.  It does seem to indicate that she's on her way out of this relationship. 

You say she was talking to her massage client.  Assuming what you said is true that this is a therapeutic massage & not a prostitution thing is she an independent contractor so her phone is her business line too?  If not, there is no reason for a massage client to have her personal contact info.  Be very careful here.  

[reelnique]

12 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

Trust & communication are essential for a healthy relationship.  You seem to have neither.  You can't be afraid to talk to your own GF.  

I'm not clear about your living arrangements.  You said you live together but then you say she got her own place & asked you to come with her.  For her to go out & get a new apartment without you but ask you along as sort of an afterthought doesn't make much sense.  It does seem to indicate that she's on her way out of this relationship. 

You say she was talking to her massage client.  Assuming what you said is true that this is a therapeutic massage & not a prostitution thing is she an independent contractor so her phone is her business line too?  If not, there is no reason for a massage client to have her personal contact info.  Be very careful here.  

about comunication yeah thats right , but feel if i want to speak with her now she get annoyed because i did and things get hot..dont like argue prefer to step back , yeah we decide to look for a new place she found one but this big argue come out and felt like she want an escape

yeah therapeutic massage but they spoke about personal things and she confirm me that they send eachother hearts and others even if she told me wouldnt go further just chat and attention seeking , thanks for reply

[smackie9]

Talk to her when she is ready to talk. Give her space....like a time out from all this. Then regroup for a nice talk when everything cools down and you both had time to think.

[kendahke]

What is the point of this relationship? You're both talking to others outside of your relationship. Maybe she's just in the mood to give you a dose of your own medicine?

But I agree with the others--this sounds like it's long past its shelf life.  Take the hint, stop being afraid to end it and just end it.  You'll find someone else... or you wont', but neither will kill you.  Just move on. This relationship of yours is pretty much done with.