Emma Oake Posted August 31, 2021 Share Posted August 31, 2021 So this isn’t about me, but my parents. They have been married for roughly 22 years or less/more (i’m not sure). My mom has had an “affair” with some guy when I was in elementary school. I don’t entirely remember the whole situation apart from the fact that she showed subtle hints of wanting to introduce this new a-hole to me and my siblings and she didn’t seem to have any second thoughts the moment we begged for her not to isolate us for almost a month. It’s honestly a memory that I’d like to forget, but with the current situation that is happening, I’m not sure if I can even start with erasing those past memories since it seems to be coming back! For the past couple of months, mark this twelve years after that incident, my mom has been acting quite distant and snappy to my dad. She tends to not show much affection towards my dad anymore. She always utters these stupid remarks at him and is downright just mean to him, it honestly infuriates me. Since I’ve grown older now, I’ve been observant of what is making my mom act this way towards my dad. I unfortunately had to snoop through her phone and thankfully, there isn’t no guy involved (yet. Sadly, I still have my doubts). But she is beginning to dress provocatively and has a somewhat different mindset on things. For instance, agrees on doing whatever she pleases, such as wearing clothes that should be targeted for young single women to wear, and there is nobody else to stop her despite being a mother of three and a wife. Not to mention the quotes she follows that basically imply women are free to do whatever they want which, in most cases is correct, but as a wife with children, the first priority should be her family, right? Right now, my dad is sleeping on the couch. This is one sign that I am completely worried about. Isn’t this behavior the start of something I fear greatly: a divorce? My dad is not a bad guy. He’s sweet, loving, and deeply and truly cares for my mom. He’s also one to know when it’s best to make his decision as well and not just my mom taking control because frankly, I think a relationship should have both people in control instead of one. And truthfully without being biased, my dad is the greatest husband any woman could ask for. But the fact that my mom doesn’t see that and is slowly driving him away worries me. Is my mom’s behavior towards my dad just being influenced with the people she is surrounded with or is there something else that I don’t know? And honestly, what should I do to stop this from going any further? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 31, 2021 Share Posted August 31, 2021 You can't do anything. The inner workings of a parents' marriage or divorce is not something for a child to be involved with. Just be nice to both of your parents & don't take sides if they split 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted August 31, 2021 Share Posted August 31, 2021 32 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: You can't do anything. The inner workings of a parents' marriage or divorce is not something for a child to be involved with. Just be nice to both of your parents & don't take sides if they split I agree. My exW went nutz, and went to the local abuse center. I also (now) believe there was another guy. Because of this... my oldest daughter didn't want anything to do with her mother, and wouldn't go with her for over a year. My daughter may not have agreed with what her mother was doing, but all it really did was to put a strain on their relationship. It's been 2 years now, and it's getting better, and she will talk with her mother. But from what I hear... it's mostly because mom is doing things for her that she wouldn't normally would have. I also have a cousin who has been married to a good guy for 25 years or so. But, even though he's a good guy... he's not a good husband. All he wants to do is come home, drink beer... watch sports... and go hunting when he can. He does the minimum "Family" stuff, (like helping with holiday activities) and my cousin is done. She tells me she hasn't slept with him in 10 years, and they stay in 2 different rooms. A year ago, she was ready to divorce... but her adult son was mad at her, and blamed her for all of it. Mind you, her son is in his late 20's, and doesn't live at home anymore. So, she stays in a miserable marriage because her son is being selfish about it. As you can see... an older kid can make it bad for the parent who is already in a bad mental place. Love and support whatever your folks need, and don't put pressure on your mom just because your dad is a good guy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 31, 2021 Share Posted August 31, 2021 7 hours ago, Emma Oake said: I unfortunately had to snoop through her phone Is there chaos at home? How old are you and your siblings? You need to stay out of their business and particularly their phones. Talk to a trust adult about your concerns rather than being afraid and using devious means to pry into their business. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Emma Oake Posted August 31, 2021 Author Share Posted August 31, 2021 Thanks all for the responses. I’ll try not to be involved. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Crazelnut Posted September 1, 2021 Share Posted September 1, 2021 Also, I just want to point out that what YOU see of your dad is not necessarily the entirety of who he is as a husband. You know what you see, but you can't possibly know all the nuances of their MARRIAGE. Only the 2 of them really know. I'm sure your dad is a great guy, but to be honest, YOU don't really know him as a husband. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 1, 2021 Share Posted September 1, 2021 21 hours ago, Emma Oake said: Thanks all for the responses. I’ll try not to be involved. You love them & you want to help. But you getting involved in their marriage flips the parent child relationship. It's not good. Best you can do is be neutral & love them both, flaws & all. Link to post Share on other sites
Caauug Posted September 3, 2021 Share Posted September 3, 2021 On 8/31/2021 at 1:51 PM, Emma Oake said: My dad is not a bad guy. He’s sweet, loving, and deeply and truly cares for my mom. Your dad's a "Nice Guy"..... Nice guys finish last. On 8/31/2021 at 1:51 PM, Emma Oake said: I unfortunately had to snoop through her phone and thankfully, there isn’t no guy involved (yet. Sadly, I still have my doubts). She would not be the first WW to have a burner phone.... Or maybe it's the next door handy man?? Maybe after the being caught the last few times she got smart and learned to hide it better. Actions speak louder than words..... Talk is cheap. Look at her actions. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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