Desperate one Posted August 31, 2021 Share Posted August 31, 2021 My wife and I have been married for almost nine years we have two daughters one of which is on the autism spectrum but highly functional. My wife had a tough life growing up with an abusive alcoholic father a mentally unstable mother her brother had a drug issue and passed also history of being raped and abused and suffers from OCD as a result. Needless to say her plate is full. Unfortunately things have gotten worse as time progresses and so do the stresses of life. Financially we are very fortunate but also it required lots of hours in on my end which as of this year I was able to put my self in a situation where I could cut back significantly. Unfortunately it feels like it’s too late my wife feels I was not present and she had to do all the heavy lifting with the kids and especially the arrangements for my daughter. I showed up to everything she told me to be there for but she feels she shouldn’t have to tell me the work and home life balance was definitely difficult. In addition she went through post partum depression her general reaction to being upset and depressed is to burst out in anger which got very uncontrolled at times my reaction was mostly to react in the moment and then kind of avoid the situation she feels I again was not there and yes I am sure I could have done more I just did not know how to react. we have not been intimate in two years as she doesn’t want to be with me now she is just angry all the time with everything I do and told me she no longer loves me or wants anything to do with me . I have tried to improve but I am in a constant panic mode as I feel I m losing my family . the thing is I know she is a good person and I m still very much in love with her not to mention I can not imagine someone else raising my kids I started seeing a psychologist as I m having panic attacks and want to improve myself I try to discuss things with her but all I get is anger and resentment she is also seeing a trauma specialist and we have made it counseling once she agreed to try fir the kids but tells me every day she is done i know the easy thing is to just give up but like I said I m in love with her and don’t want to affect the kids and I took a vow. I feel she is right I could have been more present but I also feel her constant angry reactions at me kept me from doing more as unfortunately would shut down I have been working on this the last three months but I know that’s nothing. I m desperate to save my family any advise would be great Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 31, 2021 Share Posted August 31, 2021 I'm glad you are in therapy. You are going to need it. When can you two start marriage counseling? Have you ever asked your wife what she wants going forward? If she gives you specific answers, do what you want to meet the needs she's asking for, assuming they are within reason. Do not let her belittle the financial contributions you made to this marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted August 31, 2021 Share Posted August 31, 2021 She is telling you it is done but is going for marriage counselling. If she was done with you would she not seeking legal advice and eventually have filed for divorce considering you've been arguing or not on the same page for two years? Go for the counselling but you might want to reconsider whether this marriage is healthy for you overall. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 31, 2021 Share Posted August 31, 2021 5 hours ago, Desperate one said: my wife feels I was not present and she had to do all the heavy lifting with the kids and especially the arrangements for my daughter. Work on this. Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted September 1, 2021 Share Posted September 1, 2021 (edited) So the kids are still young right ? It's certainly not to late to jump back into their lives not at any time actually, and make up for some lost time, it worked for me best thing l ever did. l also think it's a little rough her throwing that at you though when now your family is set up financially. l'll bet she doesn't mind that. But that doesn't just come for free there are sacrifices and if she had to carry things a bit more at home for awhile well , it wasn't forever. lt's still a very young marriage and family, l really hope you both and she too, can get the right help. Best of luck anyway. Edited September 1, 2021 by chillii Link to post Share on other sites
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