Can marriage really cure lonliness?

[Daisy-oliviaWentcher]

I disagree with this statement, but I have heard it from many.

Can anyone out there really attest that marriage is the cure for a life of loneliness, and if so why?

I have experienced long bouts of singleness and found that terribly lonely. Most men I have met, feel that two years is all they can handle, where as I think that is NOTHING compared to over a decade and I doubt that they could handle that. Maybe women are better equipped at being on their own, much more than men?

But regardless, does marriage really cure the loneliness or does it maximise insecurities in ourselves? can anyone testify?

 

x DAZE

 

 

[basil67]

If the marriage is a poor one, then a person can be both married AND lonely.  So I would say it's certainly not a cure.

All in all, I would say that one should marry because they have found the person they want as a life partner, and not because they need to have someone around. 

[d0nnivain]

People think that just because somebody else is right there you will no longer be lonely.  They don't understand that it's often worse to feel a profound sense of disconnect & isolation in the midst of others then when by yourself.  

[mark clemson]

I doubt "cure" but perhaps for some it could help substantially. However that still wouldn't make it a particularly good reason to marry someone. You can live with a partner w/out marrying, for example (quite common these days from what I understand) or work on a social life (although it's true that can be easier said than done). 

I'd say the primary reason to marry someone would be because you "love them" (whatever that means to you) OR because you're pleased with (or AT LEAST ok with) the idea of remaining with them indefinitely. JMO, other may see it differently. (And also it's quite possible to "be in love with" the wrong person who you shouldn't actually marry.)

Also agree with those above pointing out that it's certainly possible to feel lonely while married in a bad marriage or during a rough patch or period of significant emotional disconnect.

Edited September 3, 2021 by mark clemson

[Pumpernickel]

On 8/31/2021 at 11:22 PM, Daisy-oliviaWentcher said:

Maybe women are better equipped at being on their own, much more than men?

This could be the case. It is of course a blanket statement, but if I look around among all my divorced friends, the guys are in relationships pretty quickly after leaving their M, whereas the women kind of enjoy being single at least for a while. This could be because the kids usually live with the moms more than with their dads, so the feeling of loneliness isn’t present that much for divorced women, and/or it could be bc men can’t go without sex for a long time, so they want a woman on their side for a steady supply. 
 

As far as being less lonely just because you’re married, I personally don’t believe this to be true. I’ve been more lonely in certain relationships (living together) than I am being single. It strongly depends on the type and quality of your relationship, and who you are as a person. Marriage is no guarantee for being less lonely. It can be. But you can accomplish that with friendships and family bonds as well. Some people even say that the feeling of loneliness can be more pronounced in a marriage, eg when the M is bad and you have little in common. If the communication is poor between you and your spouse, you’ll feel disconnected and you will feel lonelier than ever. 

[Caauug]

Marriage is no cure for loneness. Some single people living and working most of there time alone don't feel that much loneness.

IMO, it is the relationship you have with yourself that affects your need to have have others in your life. And this also affects others and their attraction to you. This works for friends also. Most of us have encountered that "Needy" person that tries too hard and the instant reaction to distance yourself from them. There are also people that leave you feeling positive about your interaction with them every time you met them but you will never get closer to them. If you are self driven, have a rewarding life, self sufficient, maybe with a hint of fear of getting burnt (again), you can live with limited loneness in your life. It's normal to seek human interaction but how much and how deep that interaction goes depends on the relationship you have with yourself.

[Lotsgoingon]

The answer is absolutely "no." Marriage is no a cure for loneliness. 

Now, a good marriage, where you have a really good connection, can help us feel less lonely for sure. But loneliness isn't as simple as being partnered. As @d0nnivainsays, there is this joke out there that is so true. It goes, there is only one thing worse than being unhappy alone, and that is being unhappy with someone. 

And loneliness is a function not just of being legally bonded. It's a function of how you connect with people, how you share, how you receive support and give support even. Marriage can be quite isolating. Lots of mothers raising kids go through serious periods of isolation (kids can't give you the dialogue and conversation and connection you need from mature adults). 

Lots of married people feel very isolated. Yes, a good marriage is wonderful. But one relationship doesn't solve our life's problems. You really need to have friends outside of marriage, even good acquaintances. 

[Els]

I don't want to describe it as a "cure" because that implies that being single is a "problem" that needs to be "cured", and we all know that's not true.

 That being said, I personally feel lonely much less often in a good relationship. In a bad relationship you can feel lonelier than being single, though.

[FMW]

As has been pointed out several times, a good relationship can reduce feelings of loneliness, whether or not that involves marriage.

Being happy with and by yourself is probably the most important deterrent to loneliness.  It allows you to have a better chance of finding that good relationship and not just attaching to anyone who comes along.

FWIW, I felt happier and much less lonely AFTER my divorce.

[LuckyM]

I see so many long married middle age couples out sitting next to each other silently never a word spoken. Not even looking at each other. Lonely? It's a sign of alienation and boredom. In restaurants also

Marriage does not cure this.  

[Els]

On 9/9/2021 at 10:52 PM, LuckyM said:

I see so many long married middle age couples out sitting next to each other silently never a word spoken. Not even looking at each other. Lonely? It's a sign of alienation and boredom. In restaurants also

Marriage does not cure this.  

To be fair, some couples just like to enjoy each other's company in silence sometimes - IMO it's beautiful to have a person whom you can sit in silence with while still feeling loved and connected. H and I can talk for hours if so inclined, but we don't always feel inclined to do that 24/7. I like to be able to sit and hold his hand and just gaze out at the world, without having to talk a mile a minute.