Dating a Single Mom Questions

[cablinasian019]

So I've been on a couple dates with a single mom who lives less than 10 minutes away from me. I moved to this area in the winter for a new job. Both dates went extremely well and the second date was 3 hours long and ended with a great kiss! She has two girls who are younger and while I haven't met them yet, she has told me a lot about them. Her Ex sounds like he's not interested in being a father and the girls seem to spend more time with her than with him. Her career is a high school teacher and her school year is starting soon. We've met twice in about a month and she's been on vacation with her girls quite a bit since we first met. With school starting and her time being limited, I don't want to be overbearing and try to force the next date, but since we've got a real chemistry between each other I feel like I need to strike while the iron is hot. I understand how busy she is and can't wait to see her again. I've read a lot of websites on how to date a single mom but I'd like to get some opinions on how to proceed from here but I feel like I've got someone I truly like and she truly likes me.

[Happy Lemming]

Do you have any children??

[basil67]

I'd suggest you treat her as you would any other woman who you see potential with, treading the line between being proactive and cautious to see any red flags.

The only difference with a single woman would be that you might have to be a bit more flexible when it comes to her organising sitters.   

[Trail Blazer]

How old are her kids?  Just be mindful that you'll always play second fiddle to her children.  They come first and you'll get the scraps of time she has left.  If you're cool with that and want to take on her kids in time, it could work.

[Ami1uwant]

47 minutes ago, cablinasian019 said:

So I've been on a couple dates with a single mom who lives less than 10 minutes away from me. I moved to this area in the winter for a new job. Both dates went extremely well and the second date was 3 hours long and ended with a great kiss! She has two girls who are younger and while I haven't met them yet, she has told me a lot about them. Her Ex sounds like he's not interested in being a father and the girls seem to spend more time with her than with him. Her career is a high school teacher and her school year is starting soon. We've met twice in about a month and she's been on vacation with her girls quite a bit since we first met. With school starting and her time being limited, I don't want to be overbearing and try to force the next date, but since we've got a real chemistry between each other I feel like I need to strike while the iron is hot. I understand how busy she is and can't wait to see her again. I've read a lot of websites on how to date a single mom but I'd like to get some opinions on how to proceed from here but I feel like I've got someone I truly like and she truly likes me.

 

iv dated single moms.

 

if these kids are young you shouldn’t meet thrm u til this gets established.

 

my dad was a career high school teacher. When school starts her weekdays of Mon- thurs will be very busy where she is working from home in the evenings.  Her only free time woukd be Friday evening, Saturday.

 

take this slow.

 

on pace thus gets much more extablishedyoud limely regularly go over to her place if you want to see her.

 

 

[Wiseman2]

Ask her out again if you like her. Either she's available or she's not. Keep in mind after a couple of dates you're both still talking to and meeting others.

 Single mothers are women, not a different species. She does have to be more careful and also will have her hands full a lot. If she's not carefree enough for you, that will become apparent.

[d0nnivain]

Take considerations about her children out of the equation.  Ask her out.  Just ask her out like you would ask out any woman.  But be respectful of her other time commitments & flexible.  

Don't push to meet the kids.  It's too soon.  

[cablinasian019]

Awesome replies everyone! This week with school starting I'm going to text her but not think about the 3rd date just yet. Like some of you mentioned she's got a lot on her plate. Obviously I don't want to wait months to meet her again. Someone asked how old her kids are. They are 6 and 3. Very young and I definitely will let her decide when its right to meet them. I do not have any kids of my own either. Patience is very very important I feel like right now for me. 

Edited September 1, 2021 by cablinasian019

[d0nnivain]

She's an adult with time management skills.  Ask her for that 3rd date & let her give you a better time / date.  Stop presuming to know her schedule better than she does.  If you don't ask about this 3rd date soon, she's going to think you don't want one / have lost interest.  

[Snow_Queen]

I was once a single mom who eventually re-married. Don’t treat her any differently than you would any other woman. Understand that her not responding right away or having a sudden change in schedule doesn’t equal low interest. This was my biggest hurdle. A lot of men assumed I wasn’t really interested because of this. There was no patience from them to allow me to give an explanation. So be patient, kind, and let her know you’re very interested in having another date.

[smackie9]

You have to take a step back and keep your expectations/emotions in check. If you expect to date someone more than say once a week or more than once every two weeks, dating this woman will be a struggle for you. See how her schedule works for you first before getting too invested. We get a lot of threads of complainers on "Not getting enough time".

Edited September 1, 2021 by smackie9

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, cablinasian019 said:

 I'm going to text her but not think about the 3rd date just yet.

Ok, but she'll think you're losing interest and move on to someone who Does ask her out. Let her decide if she has time to date you.

[Herkamer]

Just be careful with a single mom with young kids, probably even more so than most women who don't have kids. The upside is you guys can have fun together, and if that's the only thing you're going for, great. I would like to hear a good guy enjoy himself. Now, this may sound insensitive, but hear me out on this: the downside is the fact that she has young kids. It's not the children's fault and they may be good and well behaved. However, if this is a good mother you're dating, just be aware that her kids take priority over you, for now. If they were adults, it would be a slightly different story. If she cares more about herself than her kids, it'll show later. If she wants you to babysit them, spend money on them (or both her kids and herself), or have them move into your place are all examples of this. Just tread carefully with this.

Right now, there's a possibility I (age 35 male) could be facing a similar situation if I decide to go for it, except the kids are adults and one of them has kids, making this woman a young grandmother (age 43, come October). I haven't taken her out nor implied anything that I'm interested, but she's giving off signals like crazy to me that she wants to start something. There's already some red flags I'm seeing, but at the same time, temptation is there. If I wanted to have fun just for fun's sake as friends, I'll go for it, but a relationship, I'm not pulling that trigger (at least, not yet). So, yeah, make sure to watch yourself and keep a look out for any red flags, if you haven't seen them yet.

One to keep an eye on is the father of the children and how much this woman you're dating talks about him. A lot of times, many women will never actually get over a particular ex. Based on what you said, this guy she had her kids with didn't care about her nor the kids to begin with, and for some reason, many women LOVE this and they actually do like it when they're treated terribly. It's as if she wants a good challenge and change the guy, in such a way, where she is treated like a queen but everyone else around them are given the bad treatment. And it's as if it's a badge of honor to tame the beast. In this case, her having Chad. So just be careful.

[Gaeta]

13 hours ago, cablinasian019 said:

Her Ex sounds like he's not interested in being a father and the girls seem to spend more time with her than with him. 

First red flag. I understand she must have full custody but he should still get them a weekend out of 2. If this is not the case than he's slack with his parental responsibilities because she let him be slack. 

[stillafool]

10 minutes ago, Herkamer said:

It's as if she wants a good challenge and change the guy, in such a way, where she is treated like a queen but everyone else around them are given the bad treatment. And it's as if it's a badge of honor to tame the beast. In this case, her having Chad. So just be careful.

I've seen this attitude from a lot of women not just single moms.  OP, if you like her ask her out again because if the chemistry is like you said I'm sure she's waiting to hear from you.

[stillafool]

1 minute ago, Gaeta said:

First red flag. I understand she must have full custody but he should still get them a weekend out of 2. If this is not the case than he's slack with his parental responsibilities because she let him be slack. 

Yeah but if he's not interested the father probably doesn't want them on weekends or never comes around.  It's so sad.

[stillafool]

Are there 2 fathers or just 1?

Edited September 1, 2021 by stillafool

[Gaeta]

2 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Yeah but if he's not interested the father probably doesn't want them on weekends or never comes around.  It's so sad.

It is sad but there has to be a custody court order that needs to be respected/enforced

[stillafool]

Just now, Gaeta said:

It is sad but there has to be a custody court order that needs to be respected/enforced

I agree but some single moms won't even file for child support.  I knew a girl who wouldn't file because she was still in love with this loser and didn't want to put him in financial stress.  

[d0nnivain]

3 minutes ago, stillafool said:

I agree but some single moms won't even file for child support.  I knew a girl who wouldn't file because she was still in love with this loser and didn't want to put him in financial stress.  

I can't say this enough.  It's not mom's money.  Child support belongs to the child.  If a mom does want / need the money she should still take the monthly contributions & sock that money away.  Then when the kid turns 18, they will have money for tuition or a car.    Plus the money will be there in an emergency.  

[stillafool]

12 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

I can't say this enough.  It's not mom's money.  Child support belongs to the child.  If a mom does want / need the money she should still take the monthly contributions & sock that money away.  Then when the kid turns 18, they will have money for tuition or a car.    Plus the money will be there in an emergency.  

I say the same things but some of these women will not do it.  It's ridiculous.  Usually guys with more than 1 BM go from one to the other and is having sex with all of them to keep all of them sweet and not file for the child's legal right to CS.  To me they love the man more than their child.

[Lauriebell82]

I'm a single mom with 2 boys. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years (a single dad). We are both divorced and share 50/50 custody with our ex spouses which makes things a little easier. Regardless, I have always made my kids and my boyfriend an equal priority, as has my boyfriend. 

I would just ask her for a date when you feel it fits into your schedule and not worry so much about her time constraints. I think it's great you want to be sensitive, but if she wants to get to know you then she'll make the time. If not, move on to someone who will. That's the same whether you are a single parent or not. The difference is that single parents just have more on their plate. But it's not impossible by any means. 

[Caauug]

28 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

Your friends are never going to admit to asking a boyfriend to help with a financial shortfall or buy this for the kid or that.

Yes, or when you ask her to go for a weekend away and she replies "Yes, we can go" The cost just tripled with hotel fees, meals, admission fees etc. To go from single life to full family in a matter of months is a shock to the system, even the real father had more time to adjust. You will be set up as the new family ATM....

That lack of interest from the father(s)? This may not be exactly as she describes it.... It might be her lack of interest in the father seeing the children. There is often three sides to the story, her's, his, and the truth some where in-between.

 

[cablinasian019]

Thanks for all the good replies on here. I will let you know how things go. I'm taking all the answers to heart and will keep you updated on what happens next. With her being a teacher starting school this week and having two daughters, I'm going to be extremely patient and kind to her. Of course I want to meet her again and will definitely look forward to doing that soon.

[Fletch Lives]

21 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

She's an adult with time management skills.  Ask her for that 3rd date & let her give you a better time / date.  Stop presuming to know her schedule better than she does.  If you don't ask about this 3rd date soon, she's going to think you don't want one / have lost interest.  

that's good advice.

 

 

Moms are women too, just like single ladies, but busier because of the kids. Just don't get pushy trying to get to meet the kids... let her take the lead on that. Also, the kids are number one..... some guys get intimidated by that, but they forget - they can still be the number one romantic partner. And it may take a couple of years for the kids to warm up to you. Buying them cool gifts might speed up the process.

 

Finally, kids are more little people to love you.