Long distance relationship ended after 3.5 years

[Teef]

Hi all, I've been in a long distance relationship for over 3 years with a woman I still love today. She lives in the United States and I live in Canada, we met through a social media app called TanTan. We connected very quickly in the beginning and we knew we wanted to be with each other right away. She came over to visit me multiple times in the first 2 years, I was struggling with Money issues and so she compromise by coming here everytime. I've seen her about 6 times during those two years of being together and we never had a single problem.  When the 3rd year came the global pandmic happened. Me and her had plans for her to move to my country which was something we planned since the beginning. She wanted to come here more than I wanted to go there because Canada is far safer and she reallyed loved it here. During our 3rd year we were long distance until today which was nearly 1.5 years and finally until today I have both of my vaccine shots and ready to travel and also my money situation had been a lot better. But during the 3rd year we were long distance I was prioritizing youtube and I started from scratch working my way up to about 700 subscribers which made me neglect our relationship and when she brings up the plan to move to canada I don't say much or do anything. I spent all my hours on youtube when she called I was still to focused and don't say much back. We've also had communication problems because of my personality of not liking to talk on the phone much and she initiate all the conversations. She eventually got tired of me not giving her the same effort she had put into the relationship and said she needed space to figure out her feelings. Within 2 weeks later she had decided it was best to end it because of my lack of consistencies and lack of change.
I know where things went wrong and it was definitely mostly my fault. I didn't prioritize us and she eventualy got tired of giving me chances. I do truly love her, when we broke up I realize that nothing means more than her. I know its not because I'm lonely because she is someone I wanted for the rest of my life. I know I blew it for not taking things serious when it was needed. I hate my self for not prioritizing us first. Our relationship was always amazing when she visits me because in person we have the most wonderful time together but i think when the pandemic started me and her both started to feel very distant and eventually I stopped caring as much and prioritize other things. I know maybe I really don't deserve her. But I know I truly love her more than anything else. I want to fix this but I don't know if I could. 
I know I hurt her so much but I want to try and fix this. because if it takes me to move to her country to prove how much our relationship meant I would. But I don't know she seems to have made her decision. 
I am so lost, when we last talked on the phone we both cried but she was very decisive about her decision. When said to her that I know you still loved me she never denied it. She just cried. I know I must respect her decision but we have been away from each other for so long that we don't really know whats it like to be together again. I know most of you would say to leave her alone but she is a wonderful woman, I love her so much, I would do anything to make a change to all the things i did wrong. 
 

[d0nnivain]

The grand gesture seems to be in order.  You need to go to her assuming it's safe to do so & allowed with Covid.  Don't surprise her.  But do tell her you want to come & buy a plane ticket.  Do not expect to stay in her home.  Get a nearby hotel.   Then talk things out face to face.  Her answer may still be no but at least you will know you tried.  If she comes back remember to prioritize people over electronics.  

[chillii]

1 hour ago, d0nnivain said:

The grand gesture seems to be in order.  You need to go to her assuming it's safe to do so & allowed with Covid.  Don't surprise her.  But do tell her you want to come & buy a plane ticket.  Do not expect to stay in her home.  Get a nearby hotel.   Then talk things out face to face.  Her answer may still be no but at least you will know you tried.  If she comes back remember to prioritize people over electronics.  

 

Haaaa well , that's exactly what l was about to suggest. lf you truly still love her op l think she'll be open to it but your gonna have to prove it. Good luck.