Messaging a girl for 3 weeks- they met up once and kissed

[hatfarm777]

My husband of 2 years has recently been caught out by a “cheaters aware” Facebook who messaged me Sunday night saying he’s been phoning, messaging and met up with a girl that we both know. He snuck off on holiday to phone her, he was messaging her next to me and after having sex jumping straight back on his phone. She ended it and he didn’t want her to. He keeps saying he doesn’t know why and how much he wants me back and how sorry he is for ruining our family- he is a mess- as am I. That’s what I don’t understand- I thought we were happy, sex life great, affectionate and always laughing. I’m so confused. All I want is my life back but how can I trust him! How can I understand this? Please if someone has experienced anything like this I’m all ears. Thank you for your time xx

[d0nnivain]

It's up to you but cheaters cheat.  He got caught.  Doesn't mean he won't do it again.  

You have to ask yourself the old Ann Landers' Q:  will you better off with him or without him?  

If you chose to stay get MC & there must be a  whole lot of transparency, starting with you get access to his phone.  Phone passwords are no substitute for trust but it's something.  

[NYAG]

10 hours ago, hatfarm777 said:

My husband of 2 years has recently been caught out by a “cheaters aware” Facebook who messaged me Sunday night saying he’s been phoning, messaging and met up with a girl that we both know. He snuck off on holiday to phone her, he was messaging her next to me and after having sex jumping straight back on his phone. She ended it and he didn’t want her to. He keeps saying he doesn’t know why and how much he wants me back and how sorry he is for ruining our family- he is a mess- as am I. That’s what I don’t understand- I thought we were happy, sex life great, affectionate and always laughing. I’m so confused. All I want is my life back but how can I trust him! How can I understand this? Please if someone has experienced anything like this I’m all ears. Thank you for your time xx

They're only ever sorry when they get caught. Up to then it's 'guilt' but not guilty enough to end it. Unfortunately you can't go back to the way things were. It'll never be the same. Whether you choose to address that and work on it or give up and go because the trust isn't repairable is up to you. Cheaters don't think this long term. They don't think about the consequences. More often than not they don't want to lose their existing family or relationship, but they never think what will really happen if they get caught. You have to decide what you are prepared to put up with, how you want to negotiate going forward, and if he is worth fighting for. And hope that he takes you seriously enough to want it as much as you.

[Noproblem]

I am sure he'll cheat again and again and again.

If you are ready to live your life in torture, starting to have low self esteem and your confidence and self-love plummet to zero, then yeah you can stay with him.

But he'll cheat again

and he 100% cheated before, if not on you, then he cheated on other good people!

2 years is not that long and it's better than deciding to leave a cheater after he destroyed you for 10 years or 20 years.

 

Edited September 3, 2021 by Noproblem

[Wiseman2]

12 hours ago, hatfarm777 said:

My husband of 2 years has recently been caught out by a “cheaters aware” Facebook.

Sorry this happened. How long have you known each other?

How big is your family? Do you both work? 

How does he know this woman? Do they work together?

It's up to you to decide if a chronic cheater is worth the heartaches. Call an attorney and discuss your options in divorce.

What is: “cheaters aware” Facebook.?

[hatfarm777]

Just now, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this happened. How long have you known each other?

How big is your family? Do you both work? 

How does he know this woman? Do they work together?

It's up to you to decide if a chronic cheater is worth the heartaches. Call an attorney and discuss your options in divorce.

What is: “cheaters aware” Facebook.?

We have known each other all our lives and been together 6 years. I have one daughter which he has raised since she was 2 and I have just finished university- he works. The women is his barbers girlfriend, he is constantly saying how sorry he is, how much he loves us and how much he has messed up. He has blocked her and says he will never do this again. Cheaters aware was a random anonymous account that made me aware of what’s been going on.  

[d0nnivain]

You are 2 years into a marriage.  Less than 24 months ago he forgot all about the forsaking all others part of your vows.  Take him back at your own risk. He will do this again & FB may not alert you this time. 

You just graduated.   Presumably you will get a good job.  Now seems like a good time to make a clean break.  

[smackie9]

If the marriage is good, sex good, laughter, etc, it means he's a serial cheater. He cheats for his own selfish needs. You can't fix this because there is nothing wrong with your relationship...it is him that has the problem. He can't help himself, has no values, boundaries, etc. And girl, there is a strong possibility this wasn't his first "slip-up". If it wasn't for that FB alert, you would have been totally oblivious.

I know a young lady that was cheated on. At first she told me it was so unexpected, and she was so gutted. When she had time to think about it, she admitted to me when she looked back she started to see little things that pointed to his cheating, the lies, etc.

I understand him raising your daughter is the anchor that keeps you from booting him to the curb BUT no excuse to stay with someone who took advantage of your marriage.

If I were you, have a good think on this. Review his behavior, and go back to see if there are some thing that stick out to you. If he ends up staying, make him go to therapy. Saying sorry ain't gonna cut it.

[Noproblem]

On 9/3/2021 at 5:59 AM, Wiseman2 said:

 

What is: “cheaters aware” Facebook.?

I want to know too! what is that lol?

[glows]

On 9/3/2021 at 3:03 AM, hatfarm777 said:

We have known each other all our lives and been together 6 years. I have one daughter which he has raised since she was 2 and I have just finished university- he works. The women is his barbers girlfriend, he is constantly saying how sorry he is, how much he loves us and how much he has messed up. He has blocked her and says he will never do this again. Cheaters aware was a random anonymous account that made me aware of what’s been going on.  

Trust is already broken. Do you see yourself feeling the same way about him again? Do you think or view him in the same way?

[Caauug]

On 9/3/2021 at 5:12 AM, hatfarm777 said:

All I want is my life back but how can I trust him! How can I understand this?

Nope!!! You can not turn back time. Trust is gone. You may not want to understand this....

On 9/3/2021 at 6:03 PM, hatfarm777 said:

I have one daughter which he has raised since she was 2 and I have just finished university- he works.

What was he thinking to get into this? So he works and supports you and your daughter while you are/were in uni? Oh, the power you have, and you think you are loosing it?