10 years stolen

[Magazine]

I have been married for 10 1/2 years.  Kids have been on their own for 5 years.  We have moved to around for career opportunities and finally came to his home place for the last 1 1/2 years.  My job ended and I took unemployment.  We had planned this for awhile.  Stayed home for a year and remodeled our house, etc.  He is self employed and on the road 4 - 5 days per week.  I would go with him @ 2 weeks a month.  It was all fine  and great for the first 6 months; however, I am used to being in a high stress/demanding job role and began to miss it.  I started mentioning this and I was practically ignored and told that no woman should want to work when her husband provides well for her and that there are plenty of women who would be grateful.  I am his biggest fan and the pit crew for his business and I really appreciate everything that he does to provide for us.  He doing/living his dream everyday!  I happily support that. From the beginning, I told him that it was not my dream but would happily support in any way possible and have gladly done so.  What’s funny is that my job provided a lot of the means to begin his business!

I let the job thing go for a while but the internal pull has been high lately.  I mentioned it again and was told if I got a job I also needed a new address.  I left for a couple of weeks and eventually came back because things were being communicated in a more favorable light.  Only once there did I realize it was all talk.  I put my resume out there and had no replies.  Recently, though, I have received a few calls.  When I began to mention this to him, he said I should put him down as a reference and he would tell them about the real me!!   I asked who that was and he told me all kinds of ugly things that nobody would want said.  This literally made me feel like I have had the last 10 years stolen from me.  I no longer have a teammate but rather I have been sucked into a vortex of his self centered ness that I am unable to deal with.        There were a few other instanstces 1. Had guest in our home that I do not care for and was told that they were coming and I could leave. 2. Friend lost his job and needed a place to go and he offered up our spare room with no conversation with me whatsoever…..said friend is still living in our home 9 months later and husband just says “you can’t put someone out when they don’t have a place to go:”.  …and the sad part is that overtime, I have let all my friendships go to satisfy him. 

So I feel like I have been totally disrespected in my own home, “thrown in a ditch” when anyone else is around, and now totally ungrateful that I want to get a job.   It was so hurtful that I left my home and moved some essentials in at my daughters spare room.   I plan to update my job search and continue forward.  

How long will I cry about this?   Why did I stay around for so long and let him treat me bad?  Is this normal?  

[ClearEyes-FullHeart]

Sorry you are in such a bad position. I would consult a lawyer to find out what you are due (asset allocation) should you divorce, and I’d also find a job. I’d so this all with out telling your H. I’d make plans to exit this toxic marriage but get legal advice, don’t let H refuse to give you whatever you are owed, and then find a place to live. Life is too short to be miserable and disrespected like this.

 

[d0nnivain]

Yikes. Getting a job & getting out sound like your best options.  I'm so sorry he seems to have turned into a sexist controlling jerk you don't even recognize.  

[Harry Korsnes]

Wow 

This is not good. You need to seperate asap and get cousoling for your self. 

Get out and have him served and go nc. 

[Harry Korsnes]

Ps. THAT IS NOT LOVE!!

[glows]

It’s not normal at all especially if he provided no other reasons for one of you to stay home. Your kids are grown too. You’re mourning the loss of your marriage but will find that leaving and being self-sufficient will be a gain instead. Cry if you need to cry. Continue on resolutely and do not look back.

[emprosnet7]

I am sorry for this. I started a long distance relationship with a woman that is so kind hearted. The issue is that she can not defend herself in real life situations and gets exploited at work or relationships. She told me her dream is to stay home and take care of her man and being taking care of by him and she believes that women should not work in general / stay home with the kids etc. She would gladly trade places with you.  I guess people want different things depending on their past experience or needs. I wish I would provide everything for her but I have child support that takes half of my salary.