Priya Posted September 5, 2021 Share Posted September 5, 2021 When you feel that you lack in something, what do you do? Of course I am asking this because I am experiencing something related to that. I have been feeling that people underestimate me, people make fun about me and also think that I know nothing. I would agree but also they think that I am dumb and stupid, I have even started feeling this. I am not able to express myself properly I have difficulties in explaining things. I am in a relationship(Online relationship from web) I am not able to express myself to him but now the regret is this relationship ended because of me not putting enough efforts. I don't even know what should I do or talk. My boyfriend is so disappointed. I have been feeling this everyday. I know this are temporary feelings but when you experience them it's like too much to handle. In my opinion I feel that I am not perfect for everyone neither do I fit with everyone. If I have problems I would learn from them and I would improve myself if people keep on pushing me to be like that who I am not then I won't blame myself. I know if they are helping me but it's like a constant pressure on your head. If somebody doesn't likes my company Its better that you stay away from me because of course it matters to me too but then I don't need to regret for that later because it's very likely that I would be more thinking on that. Guys do you think if my mindset is going on the right direction? Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted September 5, 2021 Share Posted September 5, 2021 It’s very vague. What exactly are you lacking and in what areas of life? Other members explained to you that your online relationship is not helping you and you are better not speaking to him. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 5, 2021 Share Posted September 5, 2021 Ask your parents to take you to a doctor for an evaluation. You may have neurological or psychiatric reasons for this. Also get a referral to a therapist. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 5, 2021 Share Posted September 5, 2021 I agree with Wiseman that you need professional help to get to the roots of your problem. Tell your parents you need help. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Priya Posted September 6, 2021 Author Share Posted September 6, 2021 13 hours ago, glows said: It’s very vague. What exactly are you lacking and in what areas of life? Other members explained to you that your online relationship is not helping you and you are better not speaking to him. Lacking in at social skills.. I know this online relationship thing and I know I am not supposed to talk to him can we just leave him aside. I need advice for my social skills. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Priya Posted September 6, 2021 Author Share Posted September 6, 2021 12 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Ask your parents to take you to a doctor for an evaluation. You may have neurological or psychiatric reasons for this. Also get a referral to a therapist. Sometimes it's like when you have some problem you could just solve it by understanding it simply I don't know about others but as how I am, I am telling because of that. My relationship is worse, my age is worse to get into a relationship and I need help of course but I have mentioned several times that I cannot talk about this with my parents as they are against and in India this is common. I know you guys are experienced and saying me this..because for my betterment. I know it's very easy to just leave all the bonds but to maintain one needs energy and support for each other. The therapist would show me some therapies and cost me like 3000 bucks while I could enjoy so much with that 3000 bucks. I can search therapies even on online and learn. But here I am to take advice from you people and thanks for that. ❤️ Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 6, 2021 Share Posted September 6, 2021 3 minutes ago, Priya said: cost me like 3000 bucks while I Doctor. MD. Physician. You are under 18. It costs you nothing. You're making that up. You're covered under your parents healthcare plan. Doctor. Physician. Why are you going on and on about therapists? Internet perverts are not the solution to this problem. Lying to your parents is not the solution to this problem. $3000 for what? You made that number up. You are a minor. No one can give you advice except to talk to your parents. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 6, 2021 Share Posted September 6, 2021 Do things out of your comfort zone. Join the debate team in school or try out for the school play. If there is one around join a group called ToastMasters which helps with public speaking. Social skills are skills. You can learn them. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted September 6, 2021 Share Posted September 6, 2021 Echo what pretty much everyone else said. You can also try enrolling in some of the adult classes provided at various colleges and high schools, depending on what is available and where you live. They are not expensive, and some of them provide activities such as cooking classes, dance classes, writing classes, and so on. It's an excellent way to broaden your horizons and interact with others in a social situation (which seems would be good for you). And, don't forget about your local YMCA! Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted September 6, 2021 Share Posted September 6, 2021 Priya, the right guy would not pressure you and you would feel confident to speak for yourself. Like you say, you do not want people to pressure you into being something you are not. I find sometimes as a woman that men tend to assume I am not very bright or that I need help with things I actually know more about that them. It is an assumption they make because I am small and a female. It is frustrating but it does not mean there is anything wrong with me and your experience does not mean there is anything wrong with you. You are young so you will gradually gain more confidence as you experience more of life. If you are pretty, you will find men pressure you because they have their own needs for attention, affection, love, female company, and sex. They are driven to approach women and try to get them to respond. Don't get panicked by the pressure, just take your time getting to know them. If you feel uncomfortable or you feel they are trying to get you to do something you don't want to, then you can say no. That would be you laying down the boundaries and, believe it or not, guys respect boundaries. They want to know where they stand with you. They want to know what makes you happy and what doesn't; there is nothing wrong in telling guys. You don't have to talk to anyone you don't like or anyone you do not feel comfortable with. You are the master of you and what you do. It is easy for me to talk, I know, because I am much older and have a lot of experience of life. When I was a teenager, I was so shy, I did not think guys would want to talk to me and if they did I had no idea what to say. Now I realise you talk to guys like you talk to friends; they are not totally aliens. I did not understand about boundaries; I thought men (and women) would get angry with me if I said no, I'm not interested in this, or no, I do not want to do that. Now I know that it is fine to say those things and it softens the blow if you suggest something else instead. For example, "No, I don't want to share pictures with you, but we can talk on the phone some time." or "No, l do not like going bowling, but I would like to go to the mall some time." I emphasise that you do not have to please anyone, especially if they are pressuring you. You can say "No", full stop! You seem like a very intelligent lady who is thinking about all these issues. You are aware that sometimes people assume you know less than you do. That is their fault not yours. You can put them right if you wish by saying things like "Oh yes, I heard all about that and I'm interested in ..." You don't have to just acquiesce to put-downs. Can you ask your parents for guidance? Sometimes parents don't realise that they need to encourage their kids to be confident and to give them the means to be that way. I am sure you are going to do great though. You are being careful and not rushing into things. Do not worry if someone drops out because you are not doing what they want. What they want might not be in your best interests. If you are very shy, you can practice saying things to see what reaction you get. If you like, you are welcome to PM me. I was a painfully shy teenager and I know what that feels like. I'd be happy to help if I could. xx Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 7, 2021 Share Posted September 7, 2021 20 hours ago, Priya said: Lacking in at social skills.. I know this online relationship thing and I know I am not supposed to talk to him can we just leave him aside. I need advice for my social skills. The reason people are mentioning it is because your other thread clearly indicates that he is one putting these thoughts in your head. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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