Never dated long distance - tips for newbies?

[free_radicals]

I guess this qualifies as semi long distance, but a woman (37) and myself (39, male) just agreed to start dating though we are 4 hours apart driving (I'm in Las Vegas, NV, she's in Los Angeles, CA). Not bad of a distance compared to other LDR, but still not around the corner either. We started chatting on an online dating app. So I've never done a LDR. My biggest confusion is where people stay when initially dating. Clearly I'm not going to stay at her house. I suppose the only other option is staying at a hotel (and paying all associated costs) or a friend's house? And same with her when she comes to my area? Do you guys do multiple dates over a few days? Or a longer date on one day?  It doesn't make sense to drive that far for a 2 hour date then come back home. Any tips appreciated. 

Ty!

[glows]

You both can decide the details of your first meeting. Book your own accommodations or stay with a friend. Keep the first meeting light and casual. You are only seeing if there’s chemistry. LDR like this are usually not recommended. Is there a reason why you’re looking so far out? What’s the point of meeting someone 4 hours away and are you able to sustain a relationship like that? 

[free_radicals]

44 minutes ago, glows said:

You both can decide the details of your first meeting. Book your own accommodations or stay with a friend. Keep the first meeting light and casual. You are only seeing if there’s chemistry. LDR like this are usually not recommended. Is there a reason why you’re looking so far out? What’s the point of meeting someone 4 hours away and are you able to sustain a relationship like that? 

Oh sorry, I suppose that if we become more serious, then one will move to where the other is. I guess I'm talking about initial dating before any exclusivity...perhaps the first 3-5 dates. My preference isn't to date that far, but we are both vegan and thus are looking for like minded. So we are very limited, especially when adding all other aspects of compatibility as well.

[d0nnivain]

Driving the 2 hours to a middle spot & then going home after a day long date is great in the beginning. If you head to each other, the 1st few times I would think a hotel would be in order.  The apps / sites that give you discounts because you don't know the name of the hotels should make this more affordable. You are looking for safety / not having to drive back 4 hours more than a great hotel because presumably you won't be there that much other than to sleep  On these weekend overnight trips you do plan the nice dinner date, then maybe breakfast & hit the road mid afternoon.  

In time sleepovers at each other's houses should be more the norm.  

[free_radicals]

9 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

Driving the 2 hours to a middle spot & then going home after a day long date is great in the beginning. If you head to each other, the 1st few times I would think a hotel would be in order.  The apps / sites that give you discounts because you don't know the name of the hotels should make this more affordable. You are looking for safety / not having to drive back 4 hours more than a great hotel because presumably you won't be there that much other than to sleep  On these weekend overnight trips you do plan the nice dinner date, then maybe breakfast & hit the road mid afternoon.  

In time sleepovers at each other's houses should be more the norm.  

Sounds about right. There's nothing interesting at our half way point. More interesting things are on her end, about 3 hours for me, 1 hour for her. I think we can make this work though. 

[CarmenDane]

If you been chatting for months including video time together Id say its better to spend a couple days together. A two hour date is not adequate to properly judge a potential quality relationship in my eyes. That is what people do with on local online dating but in those cases they may not look like their photos when you meet them in person. Video dates goes a long ways to comfirming physical attraction. Takes a lot of trust in each other. In the start with my LDL I was taking a huge risk in a foreign country but we both represented ourselves well leading up too so it worked out great. I was committed 2 weeks in her country and it work out best that way. If I had others lined up to meet after our initial meet up we would have never developed into anything. I stayed in a hotel the first week. We did so well we went on vacation together in her country. We never looked back.

[free_radicals]

On 9/10/2021 at 9:35 AM, CarmenDane said:

If you been chatting for months including video time together Id say its better to spend a couple days together. A two hour date is not adequate to properly judge a potential quality relationship in my eyes. That is what people do with on local online dating but in those cases they may not look like their photos when you meet them in person. Video dates goes a long ways to comfirming physical attraction. Takes a lot of trust in each other. In the start with my LDL I was taking a huge risk in a foreign country but we both represented ourselves well leading up too so it worked out great. I was committed 2 weeks in her country and it work out best that way. If I had others lined up to meet after our initial meet up we would have never developed into anything. I stayed in a hotel the first week. We did so well we went on vacation together in her country. We never looked back.

It has been about a month, with the 2nd video date tomorrow. We agreed to do several activities over the course of 1 day, so likely it will be 3-4 hours this time. As time goes on, I think what you say will make sense- take a few days instead.

[Foxhall]

On 9/6/2021 at 3:38 AM, free_radicals said:

but we are both vegan and thus are looking for like minded

think this is a good plan,

I try a bit of part time veganism myself,

 its potentially unworkable unless you have like minded folk around you.