Desperately want to forget him

[Stevnx3]

16 minutes ago, Theeisor said:

One day at a time. I’m sure I’m going to have moments but I’ll just allow myself to feel them and NOT reach out. 

Good idea. Feel them. Clean out your system of them. Don't reach out. Will work out great for you. Very proud of your strength so far!

[Snakesalive]

On 9/6/2021 at 8:48 PM, Theeisor said:

Ah, yes. Alcohol had much to do with it. I’ve made some really bad decisions in the last because of it and I know it has a lot to do with it. I’m not sure if I have a problem with it but alcoholism runs in my family and I’ve had my fair share of thoughts on whether it is or isn’t a problem. 

I can relate to this (and lots of your other posts) alcohol and emotion is a heady mix  . Don’t beat yourself up -I know it’s easy to say and hard to do . I’ve been in counselling on my own and with my husband as part of working through whether I wanted to try and save my marriage and why I was drawn to an affair   and that has definitely helped . 
I realise I ended the sessions too soon and am about to go back to my therapist for more sessions . 
It may sounds a contradiction but Fir the most part I an in a great place and reconciled with my husband .  I am having a tough time forgiving myself for the hurt I caused -it comes in waves and the feelings are worse if I have  a drink .
one thing I have learnt through this experience is that we are in control of what happens next -we have control of our choices -we may relapse but that makes us human -what’s important is we acknowledge our relapses and do what it takes to keep moving forward for me I think therapy may always be a part of what I need to do to be a better version of me than the person I was in the affair 

Edited September 9, 2021 by Snakesalive

[Theeisor]

5 hours ago, Snakesalive said:

I can relate to this (and lots of your other posts) alcohol and emotion is a heady mix  . Don’t beat yourself up -I know it’s easy to say and hard to do . I’ve been in counselling on my own and with my husband as part of working through whether I wanted to try and save my marriage and why I was drawn to an affair   and that has definitely helped . 
I realise I ended the sessions too soon and am about to go back to my therapist for more sessions . 
It may sounds a contradiction but Fir the most part I an in a great place and reconciled with my husband .  I am having a tough time forgiving myself for the hurt I caused -it comes in waves and the feelings are worse if I have  a drink .
one thing I have learnt through this experience is that we are in control of what happens next -we have control of our choices -we may relapse but that makes us human -what’s important is we acknowledge our relapses and do what it takes to keep moving forward for me I think therapy may always be a part of what I need to do to be a better version of me than the person I was in the affair 

Thank you SO much for your comment. Sounds cliche, but it makes me feel better to know someone relates to what I’m going through. Like you, I am in a good place with my husband and I’m so thankful for that. He really is good to me and I’m lucky. Before this break up with xMM, I went without drinking for 4 months and I was really proud of myself. I didn’t reach out once but the second I thought I was ok and had a drink, I reached out. I know they go hand in hand and I’m conflicted on whether I might have an issue with drinking because I tell myself that if it wasn’t for my infatuation with him, then maybe I’d be a more responsible drinker. I know that’s not true though. The situation has taught me that I do have a problem and I’m trying to fix it. I like myself more when I don’t drink. A lot of the advice here has made me think a lot and I’m asking myself all the hard questions and I’m simply realizing that I have packed in a lot and haven’t addressed some things. It’s a little overwhelming trying to organize all of this in a healthy way. I am actively seeking a therapist and or at least someone I can talk to that’s unbiased. 

[Snakesalive]

1 hour ago, Theeisor said:

Sounds cliche, but it makes me feel better to know someone relates to what I’m going through. Li

Absolutely-before I found this site I felt like the only person to be in this situation-it definitely helps knowing thats not the case and reading other people’s experiences at different stages in their journey 

Edited September 9, 2021 by Snakesalive

[Snakesalive]

On 9/8/2021 at 4:54 PM, Stevnx3 said:

Good idea. Feel them. Clean out your system of them. Don't reach out. Will work out great for you. Very proud of your strength so far!

Absolutely echo this -well said

[Snakesalive]

On 9/7/2021 at 2:50 PM, Theeisor said:

y first thoughts this morning were a bunch of “what if’s” and I lingered there for a bit but I had to talk myself down from the good what if’s to the bad what if’s. The situation could have been much worse. I ruminate more than I should and have to learn how to stop

The what ifs the ruminating- Yep we’ve all been there and to be honest I think this is one of the hardest stages to deal with but please try to remember  it is a stage in the process of letting go and acceptance. Just please know this too shall pass with time, support  and effort . 

I’m almost a year after my affair ended and in the darkest days I could never see how things could get better -I don’t want to sound dramatic but I was in a very very dark place and couldn’t imagine how it could get better  . I can honestly say our marriage has transformed into one of honesty , respect and compassion. I am grateful every day for him -no marriage is perfect-I take responsibility for my actions  and we’ve used this as an opportunity to grow together . 

Time and distance definitely work alongside all the other things that have been talked about .

You’re  doing better than you  think -keep going  

[Stevnx3]

47 minutes ago, Snakesalive said:

Absolutely echo this -well said

Thanks for your input as well! ☺️

Appreciate you coming in to help Theeisor! Very sound.

[Theeisor]

1 hour ago, Snakesalive said:

The what ifs the ruminating- Yep we’ve all been there and to be honest I think this is one of the hardest stages to deal with but please try to remember  it is a stage in the process of letting go and acceptance. Just please know this too shall pass with time, support  and effort . 

I’m almost a year after my affair ended and in the darkest days I could never see how things could get better -I don’t want to sound dramatic but I was in a very very dark place and couldn’t imagine how it could get better  . I can honestly say our marriage has transformed into one of honesty , respect and compassion. I am grateful every day for him -no marriage is perfect-I take responsibility for my actions  and we’ve used this as an opportunity to grow together . 

Time and distance definitely work alongside all the other things that have been talked about .

You’re  doing better than you  think -keep going  

I really appreciate your encouragement and feedback. Dark is definitely a way to describe many days that I’ve had. I have had many moments where I have felt like it isn’t going to get better and I get stuck in this loop of SO many emotions. This time though I told myself to use all the tools that are there. All the things and work I should have done in the past, I’m going to do now if I want to survive this. The answers are there. The stories are there. You want to believe that your situation is different. That he is different. It’s time I face reality because it’s not different. I consider myself a realist but somehow I was so lost in an illusion with this. I understand this is the price I have to pay though for my betrayal. Time is the only answer and I can’t wait until enough has passed! 

[Theeisor]

1 hour ago, Stevnx3 said:

Thanks for your input as well! ☺️

Appreciate you coming in to help Theeisor! Very sound.

Thank you kind internet stranger. Means everything that anyone cares enough to take the time to care. There has been many times where I have felt like I deserved the pain and I just have to go through it alone because I made my bed. And I do BUT the fact that someone take the time to give me a kind word, I can’t thank you enough. 

[Stevnx3]

4 minutes ago, Theeisor said:

Thank you kind internet stranger. Means everything that anyone cares enough to take the time to care. There has been many times where I have felt like I deserved the pain and I just have to go through it alone because I made my bed. And I do BUT the fact that someone take the time to give me a kind word, I can’t thank you enough. 

Thanks. I am always very happy to help someone who truly is trying to do the right thing. It doesn't matter what has happened: Only what is/will happen. 

Nah. We all fall from grace, as they say. It doesn't condemn you to battling alone and in misery. If anything, such actions always lead to failure down the line. At least with some encouragement and help and friendliness you can stay stronger!

Always happy to help. Anytime you need help... or anyone truly in need. 😁

[Theeisor]

3 minutes ago, Stevnx3 said:

Thanks. I am always very happy to help someone who truly is trying to do the right thing. It doesn't matter what has happened: Only what is/will happen. 

Nah. We all fall from grace, as they say. It doesn't condemn you to battling alone and in misery. If anything, such actions always lead to failure down the line. At least with some encouragement and help and friendliness you can stay stronger!

Always happy to help. Anytime you need help... or anyone truly in need. 😁

I hope one day I can help someone- like you and everyone has helped me. THANK YOU!!!!!