Is my FA(fearful Avoidant) ex using her bestfriend as proxy to reach out?

[Smooth_interview]

As an FA, have you ever used a friend(best friend to be exact) of yours to reach out to an ex? Me and my un-aware FA ex ended 3 months ago(full NC)..dated for 7 months. The breakup was very impulsive and I could tell that she impulsively broke up due to being triggered by one of her traumas. Now I personally know my ex(through prior instances) that she is extremely passive/stubborn and would never initiate a reach out in a million years...and neither would I (I, moreso bc I know the relationship has no way to end successfully)

Though, her bestest friend has reached out twice..once after 1 month NC under the ruse of wanting to talk about 'work issues'...and then that topic switched quickly to "anyways, how are you". As if she was 'fishing'  for something?

After this, we didn't speak again..until she reached out again to ask if I wanted to play a game of tennis. I agreed, and then she(the best friend) asked:

Her: "I was going to ask.. are you single? Lol. I have a friend I think you might hit it off with. Not (insert exes name)Lol. Is this weird?"

 

My response: "Little out of left field, (insert exes bestfriends name) Lol. Yes, I'm single..but not really looking for anything like that at the moment. Kinda just enjoying the single life for a bit lol.. I appreciate the offer though"

Im confused..I'm quite passed my ex and our relationship..but find it weird that her best friend would even inquire my dating status/offer to see if I'd like to be hooked up with one of her other friends. I feel like my ex wouldn't give her blessing for that, but maybe I'm wrong? We had a pretty healthy relationship(she initiated making us exclusive/and professed her love for me 1st/ she also introduced me to her parents,which was a big thing for her).She also stated during the relationship, that she has never been on a relationship this healthy..for 7 months, even through her hot/cold phases..we always kept in contact, hung out every weekend..and we both initiated hangouts and texting 50/50. For anyone who is FA,

 

Anyone who has dated an FA, or is an FA personally..have you ever used a friend to reach out to one of your exes like this? Would you take this as a form of betrayal if you didn't give your 'blessing' to said friend to hook your ex up? 

Edited September 7, 2021 by Smooth_interview
Had more to add

[Alpacalia]

Maybe it's just a litmus test for her (your ex) to see for herself whether she's really over you.

If she's moved on in her mind, why wouldn't she want to see you in a new relationship and happy?

I would think though that if she truly wanted you to move on, she'd check with you first to make sure you're okay with it.

Another possibility is that she wants to see if you'll agree to go out with this other friend to see whether you've moved on from her.

Edited September 7, 2021 by Alpaca

[ExpatInItaly]

Whatever it is, ignore it. Someone who is ready and mature enough to handle dating like an adult would not send their bestie to dig up information. That's for highschool teens, not adults.

In other words, nothing has changed and you're better off without this. 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Smooth_interview said:

 ex ended 3 months ago dated for 7 months.  I could tell that she impulsively broke up due to being triggered by one of her traumas. 

What was the real reason for the breakup? How well do you know her friends? 

Steer clear of messy entanglement like this. Why play tennis with her friends. Why even chitchat with them?

Delete and block her and ALL her people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. Problem solved.

Try to move forward and make your own friends and find your own women to date.

You don't need anyone's blessings to hookup with whoever you want. Broaden your social circle.

Try not to pigeonhole and limit yourself with all these trendy pop psychology labels.

 

[Smooth_interview]

 

5 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

What was the real reason for the breakup? How well do you know her friends? 

The real reason for the breakup that i realized there wasn't any ''growth' happening within the relationship. Things kind of plateaud..and she was very hyperindepent/couldn't be vulnerable. Essentially, i started thinking that this wasn't a girl that would have my back/withstand the obstacles of a real relationship/marriage. So, I started asking her questions about the future..where she saw herself/us going, etc. Which I think is fair to do in month 7 of a relationship where both parties are in their 30s. I personally need stability and consistency(not hot/cold ploys) and the lack of it was just something I couldn't move forward with. I kind of pulled away, she felt me pull away, and she broke up with me.."if I leave you first, you cant hurt me" kind of stuff.

And I know her friends pretty well. We met during covid and spent a ton of time doing things together, and in groups(activities, weekend trips, dinners, etc).  They think fond of me, and the feeling is mutual.

 

 

5 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Delete and block her and ALL her people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. Problem solved.

Try to move forward and make your own friends and find your own women to date.

You don't need anyone's blessings to hookup with whoever you want. Broaden your social circle.

I dont have social media so I have no idea what the girls up to, nor do I care. Have gone no contact with her since the day of the breakup..don't have any itch to reach out.

I've been dating quite a bit..as you can see I declined her offer..bc I do find my own women. That's not an issue

 

And I wasn't asking for anyone's blessing. I was saying 'blessing' in reference to my ex allowing her bestfriend to reach out to her ex bf to hook him up and see if he's single..I think that goes against 'girl code' or any code lol 

 

Again, I'm over with this girl and have moved far enough..still some work to do but I know where I'm headed..just wanted some insight. And don't plan to talk to the friend again. If she ever reaches out, I definitely won't be responding

Edited September 7, 2021 by Smooth_interview

[elaine567]

Maybe it has nothing to do with your ex, her best friend may have been asked by another friend of hers to find out if  if you are single and she thus, because she knows you reasonably well, went on a scouting trip for her.
Plenty women see a break up as an opportunity for themselves or a friend to make a bf out of the dumpee...  
 
Your ex dumped you, you still seem far too involved for someone who supposedly was already half way out the door before SHE pulled the trigger.

[Cookiesandough]

Agree with Elaine, as usual. Could have nothing to do with your ex, but more this friend trying to help you and this other friend out by being matchmaker. 
 

Even if is your ex inquiring, it likely doesn’t mean much, so this preoccupation with it is most likely won’t serve you anything. 

I’ve been curious about the relationship status of an ex I’ve broken off with. More just human curiosity on whether he’s moved on more than any desire whatsoever to be back together