Marriage spiraling , social media ,emotional infidelity. what now ?

[Lost1]

I’ve been with my husband for over 30 years and as of late I don’t know what is going on with our relationship, it seems that he’s changed as someone I don’t even recognize and I have to think that it’s some sort of midlife crisis he is 49, and for some reason overnight it seems that he’s just not caring about anything and doing things as he pleases and when I confront him he doesn’t even care anymore and bounces the blame on me. Right back at me as if I started the problem!

I have recently had a sinking feeling something was wrong because he was so emotionally detached from me and was just nitpicking at everything I did it was like he was finding ways to hate me 

and soon after I went to look at his Instagram and Facebook account and found that he has been friending or following so many random women that I don’t even know of and he probably doesn’t even know either ,  the disturbing thing is that they are accounts of women just posing andPosting themselves in bikinis and sexy poses  these are 20 something women one  even older women but all they’re doing is advertising their bodies and I know that’s not a big deal but it is somewhat inappropriate for a married man isn’t it?

When I confronted him about it he didn’t say much of anything he was shocked that I found out but he really didn’t even apologize he just mainly said he didn’t know how it happened and I was just floored at the kind of response he gave.

Next thing you know, to my surprise one of the women that he is following happens to be a friend of a mutual friend and it seems he my husband has been liking a lot of her photos it seems like it’s been weeks to months that he’s been doing this because he had liked a lot of her posts, and to top it all off I also find out from my friend that my husband went through this woman’s DM to try and say hi to my friend because they were together at one point and I suppose my husband was trying to say hello to our friend but through this woman’s account?? What was the purpose of it when I confronted him he also didn’t say anything and just said that he didn’t know it just kind of happened and that it meant nothing.

clearly these are signs of something happening in the background I never knew about all these follows that he’s been doing with these women were this woman that he is messaging in private and when I confronted him he turned everything around and gaslighting me about me being the reason why it happened that I am not giving him enough attention and basically any blame he could put on me to deflect the fact that he got caught.

To this day he doesn’t seem remorseful about any of it if anything he might be even hiding it more now that I found out. We’re trying to work things out as best we can but I don’t know it still comes out some times in him how he’s very distant he’ll try to make things work with me and can be affectionate and everything and all of a sudden out of the blue does not even want to be around me physically so I am so confuse what is going on he’s not admitting to anything more than these things but I can’t help but wonder if there’s anything more out there that I don’t know about because he is clearly not acting like himself. I don’t know if this is some sort of midlife crisis or if this is something else would like to hear anyone’s opinion in the matter and maybe any advice that would help.
 

I understand that this probably isn’t some thing most people would sit around four considering the nasty way he’s been treating me the way he talks to me, but I can’t help to stay becauseOf the 30 years we’ve had together and the children we share, I know that has nothing to do with it but maybe in time it will change as of now I’m having a hard time separating what I know is wrong in the relationship and I keep wanting to try and I don’t think he cares very much either way 

Edited September 9, 2021 by Lost1

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, Lost1 said:

 as of late I don’t know what is going on with our relationship.   I don’t think he cares very much either way 

Was the marriage ok before he checked out like this? 

Do you both work? Are the kids still living at home? 

Does he have physical or mental health problems?

The FB nonsense is more of a symptom than a problem in itself.

Do you have a lot of discord? You keep using the phrase  "confronting him". Obviously that's not working so stop doing that.

Do you fear he's having emotional affairs?

Privately and confidentiality talk to a therapist and an attorney. Do not tell him and never threaten divorce. However you need to know your options and where you stand.

After some reflection and good professional advice from your therapist and attorney, advise him that as it stands, the marriage isn't working for you and offer the option of marriage therapy.

In the meantime, since he's contemptuous disrespectful and checked out, get more involved with friends, family, work, interests, hobbies, sports, volunteering ,etc.

Be very busy. Let him fend for himself. Be out of the house a lot more.

Be mysterious. Develop a self improvement plan. Get fit, new clothes, hair, etc. This will serve you a lot better than policing, snooping, confronting, parenting etc.

In fact if he's checked out or cheating or whatever, you'll be more prepared to divorce and be single again.

[mark clemson]

Hmmm. It sounds to me like he's unhappy in the marriage and fishing around for someone to have an affair with. Although following Instagram models and (for example) OnlyFans girls has a tendency to bother women because it doesn't have the anonymity of porn, in reality I suspect that most of it is essentially "enhanced masturbation" for the men, much like regular porn.

HOWEVER, in your case given the totality of what you describe and particularly the focus on the one "within reach" Instagram gal, I suspect it's something more. I would suggest you have a calm, rational, non-confrontational and respectful discussion about all of this. Since per what you wrote you don't seem interested in divorcing, after that, I suggest you both see a marriage therapist.

The "I don't know" is of course nonsense. It's not what he knows, it's what he'll own up to. But the key is to get him to WANT to reinvest and focus on you and your marriage, rather than seeking happiness outside it. No doubt it's easier said than done, but without addressing that you'll be stuck with a wayward husband. I think he's right on the cusp of becoming that.

[Lost1]

Because I don’t know what’s going on, yes I fear he’s having an emotional affair somehow. Because he isn’t really missing from long periods of time where I don’t know where he is I don’t think it’s to the point where there’s an actual physical affair, but I know he must be either talking or flirting with someone online in the social media platforms.

I’m already seeing a therapist on my own, we did seek one together years ago but didn’t go well because he didn’t like the fact that the therapist would point out our faults and how to fix it I guess he didn’t want to be put on the spot so he wasn’t a big believer in sitting there and listening to someone tell him what he did wrong on top of me doing it.

i’m having a hard time getting past what he did because even if it’s not a huge deal to most people, it’s still a breach of my trust. In the past we normally look at these photos online and he shows them to me and it’s no big deal we even laugh about it or say that oh yeah this girl looks nice and give all those typical comments and I thought nothing of it it’s him looking at some girls it really isn’t a big deal to me why for some reason he’s not telling me about these that he’s been following I don’t know. Also I discovered his followed over 100 accounts with the same similar sexy postsThroughout the post, they aren’t really his friends nor does he know them I get it but still it’s over 100 people and I don’t know whether he started conversations with them or not.

I only know that he started on one person‘s DM because she happens to be a friend of a friend which is strangely enough I don’t know why he did that when my friend could’ve easily told me that he’s creeping on her DM. Anyway that’s one that I found out he was trying to talk to indirectly by trying to say hi to our friend through this woman’s messages when I confronted him about it he just plainly told me he didn’t know how it happened and I told him that you know our friend has her own account why didn’t you just say hi to her through that why did you have to go through this woman’sAccount to do so. He had no response he got caught and he really didn’t have a whole lot of options to say. At that point the gaslighting started he blame me for everything from him being online talking to people and looking at people and it was as if everything was my fault. I would have said More in my defense, but really he wasn’t in his right mind to even respond to me logically at that point

I want to blame this on some sort of midlife crisis because this is not him. This is not the person they married I barely recognize the way he answers me the way he thinks what he’s been doing for 26 years of being married I’ve never ever suspected him or doubted him because he was just not that type of person. And all of a sudden out of left field he’s done this and I don’t even know him anymore I don’t know what’s happening I feel so broken because I can’t logically confront him and discuss it further because he just blows upAnd probably just does not want to talk about it further because he got caught red-handed.

[Lost1]

Even after all this I’m still trying to piece everything together and trying to work things out and maybe I’m thinking we just have really been disconnected that is why this happened.

but recently after a week of trying to work it out things were good and going well out of the blue one day we were watching TV and I ended up sitting next to him I wasn’t particularly on top of him but he sort of moved his body away for me like he didn’t want me that close. As you can probably guess that kind of shot up a red flag to me that some thing was going on why is he moving away with me when the past week we’ve had such a great time reconnecting and rebuilding the relationship

when I asked him about it he only told me that it was hot. Mind you we were indoors with the air conditioner on it was not hot. I know this shows a classic sign of some sort of cheating going on behind the scenes why would he move away from me for no apparent reason. Again after confronting him he gaslights me again and says that I’m overreacting and I’m over analyzing things and pretty much threw the blame back to me like I am the one in question here

I guess I’m trying to find out what I can do I have no proof otherwise of any type of affair other than the emotional affair if you wanna call it that that he’s been talking to people I only have proof of one I’m pretty sure there’s more but again I have no physical proof of the others so I can’t really confront him to discuss that further.

I have this strange gut feeling there is more in the works happening in the background that I have no idea about but he isn’t going to admit to any of it even if I ask. He’s a type of person that won’t except anything he’s done wrong not even when he’s caught red-handed he will try to shift things and just not own up to his responsibility in the matter that’s just the way he’s always been.

[mark clemson]

On 9/10/2021 at 5:17 AM, Lost1 said:

. This is not the person they married I barely recognize the way he answers me the way he thinks what he’s been doing for 26 years of being married I’ve never ever suspected him or doubted him because he was just not that type of person. And all of a sudden out of left field he’s done this and I don’t even know him anymore I don’t know what’s happening I feel so broken because I can’t logically confront him and discuss it further because he just blows upAnd probably just does not want to talk about it further because he got caught red-handed.

People certainly change over time, and that impacts many if not the vast majority of LT marriages, some more so than others (depending on the specifics). 

Your emotions are certainly understandable. In "borderline cases" like this one it's really the BS's feelings about the situation that "count". If it felt like cheating to you, then it's cheating. I'd suggest you look at online resources/recommendations for "betrayed spouses" as well as talk to a counselor. Bring him in eventually (if he'll do it) but go yourself too to process your feelings. Be a little careful online as there are people with extreme bitterness or other issues out there who may have suggestions that do more harm than good if you're trying to stay married. However it's also true that if you do nothing at all, nothing is likely to change.

If he won't "behave himself" you may have limited options, such as divorcing, "looking the other way", staying married but living separately, etc. I think it's too early to start suggesting courses of action. The prospect of divorce might "shake him" into wanting you back, but I wouldn't go suggesting that unless YOU'RE serious about it as one possibility since bluffs sometimes get called. Probably the best thing would be for him and you both to be happy in the marriage again. But achieving that is going to take (I believe) communication, probably some compromises of one sort or another, and a positive attitude from him (not "bickering" or deflecting, and taking what you say seriously). It can be a tough road sometimes IMO.

[FMW]

My ex husband became critical and at times contemptuous of me around the same time he started having online interactions with other women.  He eventually progressed to actual physical affairs.

His critical and distant behavior in my experience was due to the  guilt he was feeling and then feeling angry at me for being to blame for his actions.  Underlying it all was his unhappiness with me and our marriage.  For us there was no fixing the problems, but we had got in a rut and neither wanted to face the upheaval divorce brings.  After 23 years of marriage, 25 total years together, I finally was unhappy enough to end it.  It was absolutely the right answer for us.

I feel strongly that if you don't address this honestly and clearly things will only get worse.  If you want to save your marriage insist on counseling together.  Don't ignore what's happening.

[S2B]

Sounds like he’s cheating or ready to cheat.

what are you going to do to change it?

if nothing changes - nothing changes.

maybe you are no longer a good match. 

Edited September 11, 2021 by S2B

[DividedTrail]

Lost1, 

First some background on my perspective. I’m also a 40something guy that has been married for over 10 years (I don’t like to give specifics online). I’m a husband that is unhappy in his marriage due to lack of intimacy and shared interests. I’m not without fault in how we got here but I had an epiphany of sorts about a year ago that I just don’t know if I want to continue the marriage.

Except for the social media aspect, your description of your husband describes me to a T. Once I had this realization that things really were not good, it shook me to my core. I went into a funk feeling sad, then angry, then the fantasies started primarily about a female family friend that I found attractive in many ways. I developed a crush that has since moved to more of a ‘realistic’ idea that if things were different, I would love to date this woman if she would have me but I don’t really know her. Grass is greener and all that. Now I’m not interested in an affair but it brought me to this place that maybe I would be happier with someone else where we had more shared interests. More compatible is the usual phrase. It has also caused me to spend a lot of introspection time on aspects of our whole relationship.

In addition to this family friend, I have fantasized about dating again in general. To be single and see if I could meet a better match knowing what I know now having lived a little more than when I was in my late 20’s. When I am in these fantasy zones, everything my wife does irritates me. When I snap out of it I become more normal. I’m not proud of any of that, just giving a perspective that might help you understand where a 40s something married man that is unhappy might be coming from.

Then the realization came that if I don’t figure out and fix what got me here, I would just repeat the same thing in another 10 years probably. I have the number of a therapist, but have been procrastinating in calling to make an appointment.

Your description of him being distant and picking fights, being moody, going about his day without checking in are all signs that he has distanced himself from you and the marriage.

I used to tell or text my wife about everywhere I’m going: Running to the store, taking the dog for a walk, etc. Now I just go. My wife has started doing the same. When she says I love you, I can barely look her in the eye and mutter love you too. It’s not that I don’t love her still at some level, I just don’t see how she can seem so damn happy when I’m miserable. I’ve tried to talk to her in the past about our issues but she would just say, well that’s normal for couples that have been together for a while. And I accepted that, until I didn’t.

The fact he moves away from you when you try to get close is another sign of him just being uncomfortable with you and probably more uncomfortable with himself. Maybe feeling guilty too.

I will say, the fact he is chatting with other women is cause for concern but these women are probably just flattered he and probably a hundred other guys are fawning over them. His actions don’t necessarily mean an emotional or physical affair has happened but in his mind, he has checked out of the marriage and he is probably fantasizing about what a new relationship would be like. Sometimes I wish my wife would come home and tell me she finally realized she is a lesbian or something and we should go our separate ways.

I don’t think hope is lost but I’m not sure what you can do. What he needs to do is IC and figure out how things got here and then decide realistically what he wants and how to move forward.

Now I've talked a lot about your husband's perspective but for you, IC would probably help too. If you want to help save the marriage, look for guidance on what you can do in a healthy way. Also, if he is unwilling to work on things, you need to be willing and able to walk. It sucks but how long do you put up with it? I ask myself these questions too. I've been dragging my feet on IC and just going through the motions but how long will my wife put up with it? How long do I leave her in the dark that I’m not happy and just come out with it.

I would also suggest not berating him about the online stuff until you have a plan of action that comes from a genuine place. That is just going to make him think, well there she is going on again, I wish she would just leave me alone. At some point you do need to put your foot down but be ready for the outcome whichever way it shakes out.

It seems to be an age-old question, how long and how hard do you fight for a marriage or relationship and where is that line if you realize nothing is going to change. 

[Lost1]

On 9/11/2021 at 10:30 AM, DividedTrail said:

Lost1, 

First some background on my perspective. I’m also a 40something guy that has been married for over 10 years (I don’t like to give specifics online). I’m a husband that is unhappy in his marriage due to lack of intimacy and shared interests. I’m not without fault in how we got here but I had an epiphany of sorts about a year ago that I just don’t know if I want to continue the marriage.

Except for the social media aspect, your description of your husband describes me to a T. Once I had this realization that things really were not good, it shook me to my core. I went into a funk feeling sad, then angry, then the fantasies started primarily about a female family friend that I found attractive in many ways. I developed a crush that has since moved to more of a ‘realistic’ idea that if things were different, I would love to date this woman if she would have me but I don’t really know her. Grass is greener and all that. Now I’m not interested in an affair but it brought me to this place that maybe I would be happier with someone else where we had more shared interests. More compatible is the usual phrase. It has also caused me to spend a lot of introspection time on aspects of our whole relationship.

In addition to this family friend, I have fantasized about dating again in general. To be single and see if I could meet a better match knowing what I know now having lived a little more than when I was in my late 20’s. When I am in these fantasy zones, everything my wife does irritates me. When I snap out of it I become more normal. I’m not proud of any of that, just giving a perspective that might help you understand where a 40s something married man that is unhappy might be coming from.

Then the realization came that if I don’t figure out and fix what got me here, I would just repeat the same thing in another 10 years probably. I have the number of a therapist, but have been procrastinating in calling to make an appointment.

Your description of him being distant and picking fights, being moody, going about his day without checking in are all signs that he has distanced himself from you and the marriage.

I used to tell or text my wife about everywhere I’m going: Running to the store, taking the dog for a walk, etc. Now I just go. My wife has started doing the same. When she says I love you, I can barely look her in the eye and mutter love you too. It’s not that I don’t love her still at some level, I just don’t see how she can seem so damn happy when I’m miserable. I’ve tried to talk to her in the past about our issues but she would just say, well that’s normal for couples that have been together for a while. And I accepted that, until I didn’t.

The fact he moves away from you when you try to get close is another sign of him just being uncomfortable with you and probably more uncomfortable with himself. Maybe feeling guilty too.

I will say, the fact he is chatting with other women is cause for concern but these women are probably just flattered he and probably a hundred other guys are fawning over them. His actions don’t necessarily mean an emotional or physical affair has happened but in his mind, he has checked out of the marriage and he is probably fantasizing about what a new relationship would be like. Sometimes I wish my wife would come home and tell me she finally realized she is a lesbian or something and we should go our separate ways.

I don’t think hope is lost but I’m not sure what you can do. What he needs to do is IC and figure out how things got here and then decide realistically what he wants and how to move forward.

Now I've talked a lot about your husband's perspective but for you, IC would probably help too. If you want to help save the marriage, look for guidance on what you can do in a healthy way. Also, if he is unwilling to work on things, you need to be willing and able to walk. It sucks but how long do you put up with it? I ask myself these questions too. I've been dragging my feet on IC and just going through the motions but how long will my wife put up with it? How long do I leave her in the dark that I’m not happy and just come out with it.

I would also suggest not berating him about the online stuff until you have a plan of action that comes from a genuine place. That is just going to make him think, well there she is going on again, I wish she would just leave me alone. At some point you do need to put your foot down but be ready for the outcome whichever way it shakes out.

It seems to be an age-old question, how long and how hard do you fight for a marriage or relationship and where is that line if you realize nothing is going to change. 

Thank you for your honest feedback — it makes sense . We are at the moment trying our hardest to find ourselves again in all this ... as much as I feel broken and now have a hyper suspicion on every move he makes I’m still hopeful that we can get past all this . 
it won’t be easy but I’m hopeful there will be some change 

i believe in this relationship even after all this so I’m willing to do anything to make things work . 
will have to see how much it changes at this point. 

 

[S2B]

 You need to be ready to divorce him- and make that crystal clear to him. He needs to be scared to death he’s lost you for good! Either way - he should NOT be treating you this way and you shouldn’t be allowing it!

you’ve caught him doing terrible things that betray you and the marriage! When does it end? It ends when he is scared you are Ewing the marriage because he’s being a purposeful jerk to you!

stop trying to stay with him. He’s not treating you right! Put an end to it.

[elaine567]

You have been together 30+ years. He is now 49, so you got together when he was only 19.
He is at the cusp of old age, 50 being seen as an old man.
40 something OK, 50 something old.
He is probably seeing a life before him he doesn't much care for.
A life with an ageing wife who reminds him by her very presence, of the fact he is no longer young.
Online he can fantasize about a better  happier life with a younger "hottie" 
Back to reality he is angry and frustrated.
Stuck in a rut , with someone he is no longer enthusiastic about, someone he no longer even wants to be physically close to.
I don't know the answer here, but sticking on in there with someone who obviously doesn't want you is never a good idea, IMV.
Misery all around.

[Lost1]

On 9/14/2021 at 3:08 AM, elaine567 said:

You have been together 30+ years. He is now 49, so you got together when he was only 19.
He is at the cusp of old age, 50 being seen as an old man.
40 something OK, 50 something old.
He is probably seeing a life before him he doesn't much care for.
A life with an ageing wife who reminds him by her very presence, of the fact he is no longer young.
Online he can fantasize about a better  happier life with a younger "hottie" 
Back to reality he is angry and frustrated.
Stuck in a rut , with someone he is no longer enthusiastic about, someone he no longer even wants to be physically close to.
I don't know the answer here, but sticking on in there with someone who obviously doesn't want you is never a good idea, IMV.
Misery all around.

Yes you’re absolutely right, he’s now realizing that he’s getting older and he doesn’t much care for where his life is or he’s wondering if there’s more to it than what it is. It’s really sad when I don’t actually feel the same and he just has that feeling of needing more in life but what can I do. As of recent we spoke about things going on and what happened what really happened with the whole social media thing. It was kind of a mix of things and half half apology that did not really sound very sincere I don’t know. He apologized for making me feel the way I did because I told him it wasn’t just about the deceiving it wasn’t just about him going into someone’s messages to message them on purpose, of course he reassures me it was nothing to wear and he never really spoke to anyone else but the damage is done and I can’t help but be this horrible suspicious person now.

my self-esteem is shot because even though I know he tells me it meant nothing to him the fact that all the pictures that he’s liked that I saw were all pictures of this woman in revealing clothes or barely any clothes, I guess it hurts more because this isn’t just some Instagram model that’s unattainable it’s a friend of a friend and maybe that’s the whole reason why he did it. Because it seemed more real to him to engage with someone that isn’t unattainable.

i’m trying to get past it for the sake of fixing what we have here, but I also can’t help but have these triggers throughout the day everything I’m trying is really difficult because every little thing bothers me when I see his phone when he picks up his phone when I see him on social media, every little bit I am in heavy suspicion and I don’t want to be like that. I want to be able to trust him again at some point but maybe right now it’s too soon.

I’m also a little mad because he keeps telling me to just get over it as if it was something simple to get over. I don’t know if he fully understands what this means and how it feels but I’m angry I am frustrated I’m in a loss and I don’t even know if he understands where I’m coming from because he tells me he does and yet he made the most and sincere apology about it all I feel so broken and lost

[Lost1]

On 9/14/2021 at 2:08 AM, S2B said:

 You need to be ready to divorce him- and make that crystal clear to him. He needs to be scared to death he’s lost you for good! Either way - he should NOT be treating you this way and you shouldn’t be allowing it!

you’ve caught him doing terrible things that betray you and the marriage! When does it end? It ends when he is scared you are Ewing the marriage because he’s being a purposeful jerk to you!

stop trying to stay with him. He’s not treating you right! Put an end to it.

Yes I’ve contemplated the fact that if this doesn’t work out I have to go to through the next steps. As of last night we finally discussed the whole social media thing and even though he was kind of running around the subject he answered questions I had. Not to say I felt any better when he tells me that it meant nothing to him and that he did it at the time when he was upset at me and we were having trouble I know I told him that doesn’t constitute him to be able to do that To me in anyway.

He gave a half assed apology and says he’s sorry he didn’t know it made me feel that way. I told him that as simple as it is with him liking women on social media or sending DM‘s to them sounds perfectly normal because it’s not a physical affair, it still is hurtful to the person being done to.

my self-esteem is shattered into pieces and I feel like I’m always suspicious of him in every minute of every day. I know if I want us to work I have to get over that fact, but right now, right now it’s all to gnu that I can’t just let it go I want to ask more questions I want to know more but he is heavily guarding this issue and does not really want to voluntarily tell me more than what he already has he feels that he’s told me everything there is to say.

I am so angry and really feeling stupid mostly that I was not aware of this until the gut feeling came in I did some digging, had a not felt that way I would be sitting here unaware that he’s been doing this for who knows how long. The deceit is part of the issue why the suspicion is here and the fact that you make someone feel that you’re just not enough for your spouse Makes it even harder

[Wiseman2]

On 9/9/2021 at 12:03 AM, Lost1 said:

the nasty way he’s been treating me the way he talks to me.

Do you work? Do you have friends/family you do things with? Do you have clubs sports groups you are interested in? 

Does he have mental or physical health problems? Drink? Use drugs? Have ED?

Do not try to "fix" this. Your instincts are correct that he's checked out possibly having/trying to have emotional affairs.

He knows you know. You've told him how you feel. So now you need to stop talking at him.

You can't reason with someone who doesn't care.

You need to take action. That means reflect. Get more involved in your own endeavors. Talk to your own doctors and therapists

Nagging will not awaken a walled off spouse.

[Lost1]

23 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Do you work? Do you have friends/family you do things with? Do you have clubs sports groups you are interested in? 

Does he have mental or physical health problems? Drink? Use drugs? Have ED?

Do not try to "fix" this. Your instincts are correct that he's checked out possibly having/trying to have emotional affairs.

He knows you know. You've told him how you feel. So now you need to stop talking at him.

You can't reason with someone who doesn't care.

You need to take action. That means reflect. Get more involved in your own endeavors. Talk to your own doctors and therapists

Nagging will not awaken a walled off spouse.

Yes I do work and I do spend some time with family and friends as well. I’m not exactly trapped in the house. And no there’s nothing wrong with him he does not really drink unless there’s an occasion no drug use.

Funny that you should ask about ED, I am quite positive it’s the beginning of it it’s not been an issue but I can tell there’s beginning signs of it and I think he knows it that he covers it up with telling me that he’s distracted but it’s just not quite the same although I haven’t really mentioned anything about it I don’t want to embarrass him or make him feel bad. Does that really play a part in all this? I’m not sure

And yes I understand what you mean by reflect the woman in me makes me ask more questions because I need answers but yes he avoids every question I have anyway so what’s the point.

As of recent he did talk to me briefly about things and how he didn’t mean to hurt me but it wasn’t what I would call a sincere apology of sort. It was kind of like telling me some things so he can appease me.