Love? Obsession? or Something Else?

[introverted1]

How long has it been since you sent the text?

[Alpacalia]

I'm not sure about your and her history, but if you've always been friendly and she doesn't respond after you ask her out, it could be because she's unsure how to respond or is still thinking about it.

Or perhaps she isn't romantically interested and just wanted to keep things amicable with you, and that text elevated things to a whole other level.

So it could be her way of saying "no" that minimizes conflict.

[Johnjohnson2017]

2 hours ago, Old Aussie said:

Ok, so read my other thread if you want the backstory, but my question here comes down to this:
A former co-worker, we left it on good turns.  She'd even asked me how the new job was going, and some related questions.

I saw ad ad for a Popular Comedian visiting our City, and on impulse sent her a text, asking if she had plans or would like to go.
Now of all the responses I thought I might get...
"Are you asking me out on a date???"
"Nah, I've got plans"
"Not really my thing"
"No thanks"

But instead I just got silence.  No reply.  Nothing

Now yes, I have feelings for her, but I haven't told her, or confessed my undying devotion, or anything that would scare her off.  As I said, we seemed to be on good terms.
I was prepared to be turned down, in some way or form.  What I wasn't prepared for was to be completely ignored.

But I don't know, is this normal?
Is this how women generally deal with a request from somebody they're not interested in?

She's uncomfortable being alone with you at this stage. You should have invited her along with a group of friends/co-workers. She sensed that there was romantic motive for the meeting and she felt uncomfortable about that.

[smackie9]

4 hours ago, Old Aussie said:

Ok, so read my other thread if you want the backstory, but my question here comes down to this:
A former co-worker, we left it on good turns.  She'd even asked me how the new job was going, and some related questions.

I saw ad ad for a Popular Comedian visiting our City, and on impulse sent her a text, asking if she had plans or would like to go.
Now of all the responses I thought I might get...
"Are you asking me out on a date???"
"Nah, I've got plans"
"Not really my thing"
"No thanks"

But instead I just got silence.  No reply.  Nothing

Now yes, I have feelings for her, but I haven't told her, or confessed my undying devotion, or anything that would scare her off.  As I said, we seemed to be on good terms.
I was prepared to be turned down, in some way or form.  What I wasn't prepared for was to be completely ignored.

But I don't know, is this normal?
Is this how women generally deal with a request from somebody they're not interested in?

She has a pretty good idea how you feel about her, she can feel your vibe....and you already have scared her away. Most avoid out right rejecting someone, especially with your level of interest in her.

[Wiseman2]

On 9/9/2021 at 5:46 AM, Old Aussie said:

The occasional email or text.  Mostly asking how things are, how the new guys is settling in, if I can be of any help.  She doesn't reply.  I tried to ring, and she didn't pickup.

It's probably best to stop contacting her.

[glows]

On 9/14/2021 at 10:02 PM, Old Aussie said:

I suppose the question is how to move on.  She's not going to be in my life, in any way, and that makes me miserable.  It's making it very hard to see any positivity in the new job. 

You'll move on when you decide you're ready to move on but contacting her and living in a fantasy will keep perpetuating illusions that aren't there. For example, maybe this week will be different and she'll respond to me. If I say this differently, perhaps she'll be more receptive and go out with me. If I ring at a different time, she might pick up the phone. She may even pick up if I keep calling. 

I don't know if you should date at this time but going out and meeting new people on a platonic and neutral level might add to enrichment and more joy to your life. You mentioned feeling miserable. Be proactive about this. The overinvolvement with her or preoccupation suggests that you don't have enough in your personal life to balance out this disappointment of not being able to be in contact with her or work with her. You can change that or rectify that but that starts with you. Continuing in the same patterns of thinking/doing unfortunately won't accomplish anything different. The outcome is always the same.

Edited September 18, 2021 by glows

[Old Aussie]

7 hours ago, glows said:

that you don't have enough in your personal life to balance out this disappointment 

But that's the weird thing.
I wasn't looking for anything.  I've got a fulfilling professional life, I have my friends, my kids, my dogs, and my hobbies.
I've accepted that things are the way they are, and I'm getting on.  Still really puzzled about a lot of things, but understand I'll probably never get answers to some of that.

[Old Aussie]

Yeah, I'm reading a common theme in the answers above, which is kind of what I suspected.  
I guess I'm wired a little differently.  But even saying that, I've read a few other posts from ladies on here, about guys just not getting the message.  So I can understand why women may have learned that often saying nothing is best.  Fair enough.