Dropped off like garbage

[Sami_D]

It IS the case. It's happened to me with everyone. I had a friend for two years who I talked to everyday--including this situation. In June he just disappeared out of my life.

My family has done that. Friends that I've had--whenever there's some kind of dispute---they're gone for good. They don't even wonder about me.

 

I'm just tired of it. When I met this guy it made me think I did matter to somebody.

 

I can see that you're tired of it. I can see that it's happened to you a lot. But it's still not true - You are not unlovable. It's circumstances, and how it seems. Not how it is.

[allaboutchoices]

That's why I'm really tired of trying in this world anymore. It's happened way, way too many times by friends, family and partners.

 

I don't know why i never matter to people. I just know I don't.

Maybe this would be a great time to look at your life and see where the pattern comes from, to ask questions why it feels/is this way and what can one do to change it?

Blaming others won't do any good. The 'guilt' is equal.

Don't give up, Lis. There is always a hope, but sometimes it takes hard work.

[lindya]

yeah I'm a smart funny person that people never give a damn about and who just gets treated like a body and who --whenever the going gets tough-- they're gone without even giving it a second thought.

 

That's why I'm really tired of trying in this world anymore. It's happened way, way too many times by friends, family and partners.

 

I don't know why i never matter to people. I just know I don't.

 

L - saying those words, you could be me after my last big relationship breakdown. Like you, I had other stuff going on too, ...but I'm not going to hijack your thread talking about it.

 

The point is that I - and, I'm sure, lots of other people - know how difficult those feelings are to resolve, especially when you're going through a difficult time for various reasons. You can think that you've got through it and started to feel better about yourself, then another big kick in the teeth will come along and set you right back. It can start to feel hopeless.

 

You've made a couple of comments that indicate you're maybe thinking of ending things, and that's something you really do need to speak to someone about. Will you please make an appointment with your doctor and tell him/her about some of the thoughts you're having? It's really important that you do that.

 

I think there are different sections on this board that might be able to help you. Personal health and wellbeing....focusing on that is, after all, really important to help you build up your self esteem (and the fact that you don't feel as if you matter to anyone indicates that you do need to do that). Maybe some sort of volunteer work could also be helpful? It would expose you to a larger network of people...and the sort of people who volunteer are often pretty nice and therapeutic to be around.

 

There aren't any quick, magic solutions to getting over this period in your life. Keep posting, looking for ideas, reading people's suggestions and picking out the ones that strike a chord with you and sound as if they might be helpful.

[liswil]

I'm sorry if you didn't see the humour. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.

 

You do matter to people, Lis. The thing is...DO you matter to you? Are you happy with yourself as a person? The frame of mind I see you're in right now isn't helping matters and I don't know what else to say to help you. I've offered, as well as so many others, advice and how to get help professionally.

 

I DID see the humor and you didn't hurt my feelings.

 

And no, I don't matter to people. I could give you story after story of it. That's not just me exaggerating or not thinking clearly.

 

Oh believe me, I've tried to believe I was valuable. But when you see yourself being dumped by people time and time again---ALL the time---then no, you don't feel you have any value to anyone anymore.

[allaboutchoices]

Lis, to be honest I am not very surprised. I understand you are going through a very hard time of your life right now, so I really don't know if this is who you are normally, but you are extremelly negative and defensive.

People do not like to be around people who have no energy and are down all the time. They leave that. They CHOOSE not to be around that and not to become that.

Read my previous post. You can change your relationships with people.

I assume you reffer to men in your life. Perhaps you get involved with the wrong kind of men? Perhaps thats exactly because you don't love and respect your self, or don't know your self too well? Ask your self why and what causes this pattern.

You are very vulnerable now. Try to be alone. Learn to enjoy being alone. Unless you are comfortable with who you are, you cannot be possibly comfortable with anyone else. They will use you as they will see your submissiveness.

If you are alone (single), you cannot allow these men to hurt you more. I would think that you probably have a hard time being alone as you feel not loved/fulfilled unless you are in R.

Becoming a mentally healthy human being will bring healthy relationships into your life.

Noone can change that but you.

I don't mean to sound harsh Lis, I am just stating my opinion.

[liswil]

Well I thank you for telling me how I'm not someone that people want around.

[allaboutchoices]

That's exactly my point...you take it the way you wanna take it to feed your self-pity. My point was that nothing will change unless you change. I might be wrong in my opinion about you.....I DO NOT KNOW YOU.

I'm getting frustrated with this post so I better stop posting here.

I truly wish you the best of luck, Lis.

[liswil]

That's exactly my point...you take it the way you wanna take it to feed your self-pity. My point was that nothing will change unless you change. I might be wrong in my opinion about you.....I DO NOT KNOW YOU.

I'm getting frustrated with this post so I better stop posting here.

I truly wish you the best of luck, Lis.

You said what you said and now you're trying to make it look like ME taking it the wrong way. Read your post again.

[LucreziaBorgia]

So, what is your next move Lis? What steps are you going to take to get yourself up and out of this? What unresolved things standing in your way do you want to take care of first?

[liswil]

LYou've made a couple of comments that indicate you're maybe thinking of ending things, and that's something you really do need to speak to someone about. Will you please make an appointment with your doctor and tell him/her about some of the thoughts you're having? It's really important that you do that.

 

Yep--why not? I've been down this road too many times before. Oh--and doctors? I have told them. Haven't had one give a damn about it. Even had one of them say to me after telling her: "So....looks like our session is over. Were you wanting to make an appointment next week?"

 

 

I think there are different sections on this board that might be able to help you. Personal health and wellbeing....focusing on that is, after all, really important to help you build up your self esteem (and the fact that you don't feel as if you matter to anyone indicates that you do need to do that). Maybe some sort of volunteer work could also be helpful? It would expose you to a larger network of people...and the sort of people who volunteer are often pretty nice and therapeutic to be around.

 

PLEASE never mention volunteer work to me. That just brought back a really bad memory.

There aren't any quick, magic solutions to getting over this period in your life. Keep posting, looking for ideas, reading people's suggestions and picking out the ones that strike a chord with you and sound as if they might be helpful.

 

It's not a period of my life. Most of my life has been this awful.

[liswil]

So, what is your next move Lis? What steps are you going to take to get yourself up and out of this? What unresolved things standing in your way do you want to take care of first?

 

That's one of those generalities again. Actually that's one of those "who cares what you said, but how do you feel" type of things.

 

I want someone who listens to what I say. I give a scenario of something that upset me and no one pays any attention to it.

[liswil]

I want to know why very few people have said anything bad about how MM treated me or anything I've mentioned about him. I've even had people defend him--regarding the part where he told me "seeya".

 

I want to know why people think his life is now all hunky dory at home. And-- if they actually ARE hunky dory, why no one sees that as a problem. I've mentioned this before, but if I was cheating on someone and they didn't act like it bothered them, I don't think that would be a very good relationship. But apparently some posters here think he and his family are all sitting around like a Norman Rockwell picture now. Who are these emotionally vacant people who think that it's all hunky dory now?

 

I'd like to know why I'm accused of not listening from the very people who haven't bothered to listen to me. Or why I've been accused of not bending by the very people who won't bend for me.

[Hot Coco]

Am I the only one who has this overwhelming urge to SCREAM!!!!

 

Ok, ALL together now...ARGH!!!

 

Lis, you won't be able to get past this if you keep dwelling on HIS life. You pay more attention and spend more time worrying about HIS life than your own. What's wrong with that picture? Who cares what his life is like. Maybe it's good, maybe it's not. What difference does it make? His life has nothing to do with your own. Yours SHOULD be more important to you than his. Is it?

[liswil]

Am I the only one who has this overwhelming urge to SCREAM!!!!

 

Ok, ALL together now...ARGH!!!

 

 

I don't need that kind of stuff. If you want to be like that, please don't respond.

 

Lis, you won't be able to get past this if you keep dwelling on HIS life. You pay more attention and spend more time worrying about HIS life than your own. What's wrong with that picture? Who cares what his life is like. Maybe it's good, maybe it's not. What difference does it make? His life has nothing to do with your own. Yours SHOULD be more important to you than his. Is it?

 

 

Because *I* want to talk about that. It's my thread and that's what I want to talk about.

[allaboutchoices]

I am starting to wonder if this thread is for real.

[liswil]

I am starting to wonder if this thread is for real.

 

 

You know what? That's it. I've had enough---too many people coming down on me, making remarks like that. I'll just leave everyone alone--you'll all be much happier without me around I'm CERTAIN. Sorry to have ever bothered anyone here. People will definately be much better off without me.

[Hot Coco]

Argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Hot Coco]

"You know what? That's it. I've had enough"

 

I have a feeling you're not alone on that, Lis.

 

But in all seriousness. What are you looking for? If it makes you feel good to just vent then continue to vent. I think some of us are as frustrated as you are.

 

Please articulate what it is that you want in the way of support. Maybe then you can get what you need or want.

[whichwayisup]

Stop attacking lis. She is genuinely trying to get help here and if you don't want to help her or reply to her posts in a good way, then stay off of them! She doesn't need this s*** right now, especially after she's poured her heart out on here today!

[Hot Coco]

NO ONE is attacking her! We've all tried to help. She doesn't seem to like anything anyone has to say.

 

I am too beginning to wonder about this. I'm done. Good luck Lis. I really wish you the best.

[whichwayisup]

Im' talking about allaboutchoices, she said she thought this post was not real. Lis is real sensitive right now and I don't want her to leave, that's all.

[Hot Coco]

I think that was just her way of expressing her frustration. I really didn't take it as an attack on lis. She's expressing frustration that MANY of us on here have felt in trying to help.

 

Maybe lis just wants people to listen and not give any advice? I don't know. She won't say what she wants. But I really don't think choices was attackink at all.

[allaboutchoices]

Im' talking about allaboutchoices, she said she thought this post was not real. Lis is real sensitive right now and I don't want her to leave, that's all.

I made a mistake of writing it on here as opposed to not posting at all when I feel like that.

I sincerely apologize, there were no bad intentions in that.

[Hot Coco]

Ok, Lis. I'll do it YOUR way since this is YOUR thread. You said:

 

"Ok,Because *I* want to talk about that. It's my thread and that's what I want to talk about"

 

So you want to talk about him? I'll talk about him with you. But you know this will only make you feel worse.

 

Ok, do you want to talk about how great he is and how worldly he is and intelligent or what a cheating, lying s-ithead he is. Which version of this person are we going to talk about.

 

I'm dead serious about this. I'm not being a smart ass. Nothing else has helped so would it REALLY help to talk about him?

 

What was so great about him? Were his good qualities so good as to overcome the fact that he wasn't really available? What are you going to miss about him? What are you going to NOT miss about him.

 

Talk about him. I'll listen.

[lindya]

That's one of those generalities again. Actually that's one of those "who cares what you said, but how do you feel" type of things.

 

I want someone who listens to what I say. I give a scenario of something that upset me and no one pays any attention to it.

 

I think you can take the fact that so many people have responded as an indication that your circumstances did touch and distress people. That's why so many are answering, and still trying to help - even though you're kind of lashing out at people for making suggestions that you don't think are helpful.

 

LB is just trying to gently move you on to taking some positive action here, Liswil. If you're not ready, you're not ready - but people here really are just trying to find ways of pulling you up a bit.

 

Are you doing the same thing in the outside world? People often do when they're hurting, but it ends up making their situation worse because they start alienating everyone around you. People are human, and they won't stick around forever if someone keeps bashing them and telling them they're wrong about everything. Especially when many of those people have had the experience of having their lives crash around them and still managed to keep going and stay civil to those who put time into trying to help them.

 

It's when people can do that, Lis, that other people start to treat them as if they matter. Good things like love and genuine friendship don't just come to us. Sometimes we have to work for them - and even then, we don't always get what we want.