Eyes Posted September 10, 2021 Share Posted September 10, 2021 (edited) Soo… i had known this guy almost 10 years… and we on and off dated for 7 years… the last few years i thot we were okay… just a slump of long time relationships… fast forward … he broke up with me this may citing not wanting marriage , kids and my origins an issue… and i saw him social media proposing to another girl in july.😔😔 .. after the breakup we kept talking… sexting( the shaaame) and on the day i saw the proposal… id actually planned to meet him… but now im wondering who was this person i knew for the last 10 years… he became everything I feared abt relationships and men… he did what he did without any remorse… he manipulated my feelings to expertly lie … i was just an object…. Clearly i wasnt the only one…but worse still i kneeeew he was no good … but hey i was special… we were bffs…and i asked him if he was seeing anyone else and he said no How can someone be sooo inhumane…why dnt he just tell me way back that he met someone… it would have been painful… but thos is sooo much worse…. he made me feel worthless…i have to go on and meet someone new and trust again Did i dodge a bullet….theas some girl out there whose fiancé is sharing his privates BUUT how did I refuse to know what he was up too🤬😡 Edited September 15, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator typo in title 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 10, 2021 Share Posted September 10, 2021 15 minutes ago, Eyes said: we on and off dated for 7 years…  he broke up with me this may citing not wanting marriage , kids and my origins an issue… i saw him social media proposing to another girl in july Sorry this happened. Why was it on/off for so long? What does he mean by "origins"? Are either of you scheduled for an arranged marriage within your culture/religion? Link to post Share on other sites
JRabbit Posted September 10, 2021 Share Posted September 10, 2021 Were you official? Exclusive? Live together? Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted September 11, 2021 Share Posted September 11, 2021 (edited) I'm so sorry to hear what happened, Eyes. You are right, the guy was no good; he lied to you. He was probably non-confrontational, didn't want to admit he'd met someone else, and instead suddenly left. It hurts, a lot, but you will come through this and start to see that he was not the guy you thought he was and that you have a chance now of meeting a better guy. You are special; please don't think otherwise. Just because a cheating guy behaved badly is no reflection on you. It says a lot about his dodgy character though. Once you have recovered enough to consider dating other guys, you will find that there are new possibilities, decent people (and some crappy people yes) but a chance to meet a guy who treasures you in the way that your ex should have. Never bother to hang on to guys who treat you badly; they are hardly likely to improve. I bet if you look back at this relationship there was a lot wrong with his attitude towards you. You may have overlooked it at the time or thought he would improve when circumstances improved. It is easy to feel sad in this situation but it is also a time to remind yourself of all the things you no longer have to put up with. You are dazed and hurt right now, but gradually the mists will clear and then you will be stronger. xx Edited September 11, 2021 by spiderowl 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted September 11, 2021 Share Posted September 11, 2021 8 hours ago, Eyes said: Did i dodge a bullet…. I think you dodged more than that. Rewind a bit and take it back to May and that you both broke up. Focus on that and let go of this. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 11, 2021 Share Posted September 11, 2021 Yes, you dodged a bullet. The on again off again nature of this with his statement that he did not want marriage & kids with you was a clue.  There was a lot of dysfunction in here & you were most likely blind to some of it. But now that he's engaged to another woman, you need to disconnect from him . Lick your wounds. Reflect on things you may have over looked or let slide. Move forward.  Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eyes Posted September 11, 2021 Author Share Posted September 11, 2021 im sad that he quietly chose someone else… that i can forgive, we dnt plan to love… but what hurts and what is disappointing is that this guy i knew for all this time .. supposedly my friend… treated me like a random hookup in the end…. i dnt even make the cut for basic human decency why dnt he just say he had met someone… why did he hide it all and lie time and time again to my face when i asked if he was seeing someone …why dnt he let me go when he knew he had found his someone In the end my feelings and emotions were just sport and an ego boost for him… every time i was vulnerable… and loving and trusting and loyal … it was just fuel im sad this person I talked to literally everyday … had this huge secret .. and was fully committed to lying …not remorseful .. was calculating …knowing very well id hurt… knowing that id have to move on and have to be able to trust the next..how it would change me… he did not care In all honesty… i knew he wasnt the best for me…the flags were beyond red..i just dnt want to be alone… and ironically i was…. I was never his friend… we were never close ,i was just vehicle for his personal agenda.. i was just a number.. and my ticket is up      1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 11, 2021 Share Posted September 11, 2021 Well thank goodness he's now out of your life and has moved on. Just stay NC and you will heal from this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eyes Posted September 11, 2021 Author Share Posted September 11, 2021 Definitely it NC for me… i get to come here and say everything id say to him 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted September 14, 2021 Share Posted September 14, 2021 On 9/11/2021 at 2:37 PM, Eyes said: In all honesty… i knew he wasnt the best for me…the flags were beyond red..i just dnt want to be alone… The very thing you feared would happen has happened... that is why isn't never a good idea to abandon standing sentry to your boundaries. He broke up with you in May--that should have been the end of it on your end since he's the one who cut you loose. The fact that he got you to come back confirmed to him that you were desperate for the relationship and therefore, he knew you could be played. Next time, listen to your gut. It told you he wasn't the best for you and that the flags were beyond red--it didn't lie to you. You lied to yourself and he followed your cue and did the same. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 15, 2021 Share Posted September 15, 2021 On 9/11/2021 at 3:44 PM, Eyes said: Definitely it NC for me… i get to come here and say everything id say to him True. The silver lining is that he was a museum of red flags 🚩 and traits to watch out for in the future. So next time you won't be attracted to this sort. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eyes Posted September 15, 2021 Author Share Posted September 15, 2021 This has been a very painful experience but i know i will eventually be okay… i have accepted i will have good days and bad days… and eventually only good days… i will definitely be a sentry to boundaries and not settle…  thanks everyone Link to post Share on other sites
KissingFire Posted September 15, 2021 Share Posted September 15, 2021 3 minutes ago, Eyes said: This has been a very painful experience but i know i will eventually be okay… i have accepted i will have good days and bad days… and eventually only good days… i will definitely be a sentry to boundaries and not settle…  thanks everyone I'm really sorry this happened to you, Eyes. I don't have much input apart from what has already been said, but take care of yourself. Be gentle with yourself and maybe write down a list of all the things he did to you that you felt were wrong. Keep that list and look at it every time you feel yourself hurting. I have done this with my recent ex, and while it's not a cure, it does remind me to bring him down from the pedestal I had him on. Keep going. You're strong and can do anything you put your mind to. Link to post Share on other sites
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