Yes I flirted but now my boyfriend is trying to make me suffer ​​​​​​​:

[stillafool]

2 hours ago, Woggle said:

This relationship should just end. It doesn't sound healthy at all.

I agree.  Just break up with your bf and then you can flirt and sit on as many laps as you want.  Let him go.

[notbroken]

Honestly, he may never get over it.  He'll never forget it - though he may 'let it slide'.   You embarrassed him in front of others.  That's huge to most men - and to any and all with self pride.   You seriously harmed your relationship.  If you value it, you should tell him you now realize how bad it was and apologize profusely - and then never repeat any such behavior.  If you don't want to do that, then consider breaking up.  Seriously. 

[d0nnivain]

@SharonP

Have you figured out yet that you played a much larger role in this then you have been willing to accept so far?   You & your BF have been together for 3 years.  This probably wasn't the 1st time you were inappropriate with other men in front of him.   When he tried to interrupt whatever was going on he resorted to filming you. That wasn't his 1st option.   He did it in part to guard against what he knew would be your inevitable downplaying of the incident. 

Even though from your perspective it was harmless, when confronted with the evidence that it was more & looked worse, you were not contrite.  Had you immediately said OMG, I had no idea it looked so bad.  I am so sorry.  I'll never do that again, you might be in a a different place with him right now, but your continued minimization just says you won't own up to your own wrong doing. How is he supposed to trust you?  

[ItsTheDay]

17 hours ago, SharonP said:

Hey everyone I'll try to keep it short and I would really like any help. I have been with my bf for 3 years and we have a very loving relationship.  We’ve had our ups and downs but have worked through any issues we had and until recently everything seemed fine.

But then last weekend my boyfriend and I were at a party, and this cute guy I knew was there because he was friends with the couple who owned the house. Well, it somehow ended up that me and this guy were kinda hanging on each other, but to be fair it was only because we were joking around wrestling and tickling each other. At the time I wasn't thinking, I just considered it joking around. Well it hurt my boyfriend and I can understand that. I guess I assumed my boyfriend knew that I don't think of other guys that way so the thought that he would be mad didn't cross my mind. So I understand I messed up, but now he feels like he can't trust me anymore.  He was furious with me and practically refused to talk to me afterwards.

This happened Saturday night, then Tuesday out of the blue he starts to ask me about it again. It turns out he was recording everything that night on his phone and he wanted me to watch it with him so I could see how “terrible” I was behaving.  I wasn’t interested but he insisted.  I have to admit the video looked worse than I remember.  I remember wrestling and getting in a tickle fight with him, but imho I thought he started it.  But watching the video it looked like I was the instigator.  I kept walking up to him and pinching or tickling him until he fought back and we were wrestling around.  I also couldn’t remember us doing it that much, but in the video we were wrestling around off and on the entire 2 hours.  I was even sitting on his lap for a time while we “fought” each other.  I told him I must have been more drunk than I thought because I didn’t remember it being that bad.  Then he kept asking me over and over why would I do this?  I honestly didn’t know what to say because truthfully there was no reason besides I was just joking around.

We end up fighting and just going to sleep. Then Wednesday morning he asked me if I was mad at him and I said no, I just didn't know where we stand. He didn't understand what I meant. So I asked him flat out, do you want to break up with me because you have been acting kinda distant since the whole thing happened. He said no, we aren't going to break up, I just don't understand why you did it. Again, I didn't know what to say because the truth is I was just playing and joking around. Well, last night he was acting weird so I asked him again, and he didn't answer me. So I was like, does what you said in the car still stand, and he said yes. Then after that we were fine. He just keeps taking everything I say so personal. I feel like everything I say to him is wrong.

This morning he did say he loved me twice which he hasn't said without me saying it to him first since that night. I was just wondering if ya'll think he is telling the truth when he says he doesn't want to break up or if he is just trying not to hurt me. Cause right now I am hurting every day thinking he hates me. I know I messed up but do I deserve to be tortured for so long? I mean, it’s not like my boyfriend doesn’t have a lot of trust issues also. I don't know what to do because I thought of just breaking up with him but it hurts to bad. But staying with him hurts also. Thanks for listening. Any advice will help. Thanks again.

I don't blame him for not trusting you, you did this right in front of him so who knows what you would of (or have) done with him not around (trust me, this is what's going on in his mind). You mentioned the video was worse than what you remember, so you already knew it wasn't right to begin with so why do it at all? It went on for the whole two hours (I'm assuming you were at the party for two hours, and not with this guy the whole two hours?) and on top of that, you sat on this guys lap? Right in front of your boyfriend of 3 years? Blaming alcohol sounds like a trend and the go-to to get out of the wrong. You clearly knew it was wrong, you clearly know you would like it if the role was reversed. You were simply flirting with a "cute" guy right in front of your boyfriend and your boyfriend knows this, and it's not a good feeling. 

All your "sorrys" in the world will not fix this and yes, trust as been broken. Your trust needs to be earned, it's not given now. You blew that so if you want this to work, you need to bring your trust to your boyfriend on a silver plater. You need to start by admitting to your boyfriend that you were in fact flirting with this cute guy. You also need to dig deep and figure out why you were, where did it come from and why you just had to do it. First step to earning your trust back is to be honest. If you cannot do that for yourself, then you will forever have this behavior in any relationship any chance you get. 

     

[Uruktopi]

19 hours ago, SharonP said:

I mean, it's not like I cheated.

No, "it's not like", you did it.

[mark clemson]

18 hours ago, SharonP said:

 I honestly believe a more trusting guy would not still be carrying this around after over a week.  

Hmm. I sincerely doubt that per the below. Also in vino veritas. Maybe after 3 years, you have a bit of a desire to "get frisky" with others. While perhaps that's understandable, actually acting on these impulses have been the death-knell of many a relationship (and yours might be among them).

 

21 hours ago, SharonP said:

I remember wrestling and getting in a tickle fight with him, but imho I thought he started it.  But watching the video it looked like I was the instigator.  I kept walking up to him and pinching or tickling him until he fought back and we were wrestling around.  I also couldn’t remember us doing it that much, but in the video we were wrestling around off and on the entire 2 hours.  I was even sitting on his lap for a time while we “fought” each other.  I told him I must have been more drunk than I thought because I didn’t remember it being that bad. 

 

[DKT3]

Me thinks, exit left.

I'm still amazed how often we get people who behave poorly in relationships that really don't believe that they have. Clear indication that its normal behavior.  

[NorthernGuard]

It boggles my mind that you think this was only "flirting" (and I'm certain your BF's as well). If I  was your BF I wouldn't stick around after that display to find out how far you'd go and what it would take for you to consider your very inappropriate interactions with other men to be cheating. I would have kicked you to the curb that very night.

If that's how you act and what you do in front of him I can only imagine what you'd get up to on a girl's night out when he wasn't there to see it and try and intervene. Heck, by your own admission he tried to stop you more than once and you blew him off and chose to spend your time, efforts and energy on another man, instead of him where it should have been all along. 

No question, you sided with and chose another man over him that night, and you did it for all to see. I can only imagine how that made him feel. Soul crushing I'd bet, after being in a 3 year committed relationship with you. 

Your behaviour was over the top and obscene. You thoroughly disrespected, embarrassed, humiliated and emasculated him, and to top it all off you did it in front of his friends and peers. And now you're gaslighting him and downplaying it as though it wasn't a big deal. It was a very BIG DEAL to him, I assure you! 

If that's the way you behave in front of him with one drink in you and the mental gymnastics you'll do to justify and excuse your behaviour to him I'd hate to see what you'd get up to with a few more drinks in you, or if you got stinking drunk. I bet he's thinking and wondering the same thing.   

I'm sorry, but you lack any sense of boundaries, are untrustworthy, and are not committed relationship material. Don't be surprised if this ends up being a dealbreaker for him once he fully processes it. Hopefully you learn a valuable lesson from this and work on yourself to become a safe partner in your next relationship if he decides to call it quits.