Make up or Break up?

[Ashley001]

I have been with my partner for 6 months. It was perfect for the first 4 months, a dream. After the fourth month, the cracks started to show. I wasn’t feeling the same and that spark had diminished a little bit but I know that is normal after the honeymoon period. 
 

I was honest with my partner and he got a little defensive but I tried to reassure him. Since then there have been more issues. 
 

He almost broke up with me for going on a dog walk with one of my best friends who is a guy. We have been friends for 9 years and I’ve never hid the friendship. We hadn’t seen each other in over a year due to Covid. He still stands that I shouldn’t have done this and I did something majorly wrong. 

He is off with me if I don’t want to see him when we have free time, although I spend the majority of it with him, I still need time to myself and to see my friends or family.

I bought a new dress and posted an image on social media. It wasn’t revealing or flirty. He said I was desperate for attention and wasn’t happy I had done this. Although he follows tonnes of half naked celebrities on Instagram. 

I recently got offered a new job opportunity and he didn’t want me to take it as he didn’t know who I would be around or if they would flirt with me. Plus we would have less time together. He has now said he would support me but it feels forced. 
 

In the first 5 months, he had never planned one date or booked anything for us. I had to make all of the decisions on what we did, who’s house we stayed at or what we ate. He called me high maintenance when I mentioned this but has started to try and make more decisions. 

He is a really loving and loyal guy. I know he thinks the world of me and we could have a good future together. I just feel that I spend some day treading on eggshells not wanting to annoy him or say the wrong thing. I understand he has insecurities from a previous relationship but it’s exhausting trying to constantly reassure him. 
 
I have been in unhealthy relationships before so I struggle to see clearly if the problems are red flags or just normal relationship issues. 

He says that my expectations are too high. 
Should I be more supportive and try to work on his insecurities with him? Or is it time to walk away? 

[d0nnivain]

Walk away.  Your unhealthy relationships in the past have made you think this guy is a good catch.  You characterize this relationship as "perfect" & "dream"-like when it's anything but.  It may not have been as toxic as the really bad stuff in your past but it's not good.  

You making all the plans is bad.  You chase & make it too easy for him. 

Him getting upset about a new job opportunity because he won't know who you will be working with, alone, is a break up worthy.   At a mere 6 months of dating he doesn't get a say where you work or with whom.   The idea that he thinks he can kybosh this is controlling.  It's a giant red flag.  Fail to heed it at your own peril. 

Taking a walk with an old friend is perfectly innocent.  It's not something majorly wrong.  For him to make you feel bad is similarly controlling.  Your guy's insecurities are showing.  Granted, pre-existing  same sex friends, assuming they are just platonic friends, can be tricky but you handle that by introducing everybody & conducting yourself above board   You don't have to drop somebody who has been in your life for 9 years.  

For him to call you attention seeking for posting your new dress is insulting.  By definition social media is attention seeking.  You are not behaving abnormally.  

All in all because the bloom is off the rose so early, this is not a relationship worth saving.  Get out.  Work on your self esteem.  Learn more about what healthy loving relationships look like because this is not that.  

[ExpatInItaly]

18 hours ago, Ashley001 said:

It was perfect for the first 4 months, a dream.

 

18 hours ago, Ashley001 said:

In the first 5 months, he had never planned one date or booked anything for us. I had to make all of the decisions on what we did, who’s house we stayed at or what we ate.

Perfect and dream-like, eh?

This is not a healthy relationship at all. He is overly jealous and insecure, and berates you and minimizes your feelings. These aren't "normal" relationships issues, Ashley. This guy has red flags all over him. 

Listen to your gut, and walk away. And perhaps stay single for a little bit. You need to get better at identifying warning flags and staying away from men like this. 

[Wiseman2]

Way too much drama for 24 weeks dating. You seem quite incompatible. 

Add to that him chronically trying to drag you down and put you down.

Set yourself free. Make a clean break.

Delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

You'll be much happier without this controlling lazy albatross around your neck.