I still my love my LDR ex even though we both agreed to be friends?

[Tommycfc1905]

I have to break up (i think it is both of us) with my LDR gf because she's been ghosting and ignoring me for weeks already. I broke up without saying anything as well. I had to ignore her as well because it seems she doesn't value me anymore. It makes me sad. I really thought she loved me, How do i unlove someone that does not care about me?

I love her so much and care about her alot because she told me she got neglected from her previous relationship which makes me want to love more harder plus the distance.

We've talked about nearly everything including our future, A-Z. We talk like we're meant to be together. We promised alot of things together. But I realised actions are more proven then words.

I can admit there's alot i have done wrong

My guesses are i could be too avaliable, needy, having a negative mindset(i promised to her working on how to be happy) i even told her my trauma and bad experiences and she claims to understand

I suffer from trauma and past abuse. I grew up not being loved from parents ghosting from my life.

Weirdly, she unfollowed my insta but still kept my facebook and still sees my stories while i hide her posts and stories. I uploaded a selfie into my facebook wall 7 days she ghosted me and she liked my photo. I feel confused?

Should i blame myself?

Should i tell her how i feel so hurt? I feel clingy and desperate if i say but at the same time she needs to know.

After the breakup , i felt so nauseous(vomiting), stress eating/less eating, crying in random times etc.

More questions or advice is appreciated. I can take criticism.

 

Edited September 14, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Language in title

[d0nnivain]

I'm really confused.   Are you together or are you broken up?  It sounds like a whole lot of no talking but in the absence of clear communication it's impossible to say what is going on.   Have you ever met in person?   When you say she is ghosting, what do you mean by that?  You claim she still likes posts of yours on social media but I take it you are not texting back & forth.  

A good relationship is based on communication so telling her how you feel seems wise to me.  Just being silent & slinking off won't fix anything.   Discussing your needs & expectations is not clingy or needy unless those needs & expectations are that you want 24/7 constant attention.  

How long have you been together?   Why all the trauma bonding?  You can't build a solid relationship on a shared past history of failed relationships.  You need a more solid foundation.  What else do you have in common besides a bad past?  I'm sorry you suffered but to dump all that on a new SO up front isn't healthy either. You need to gradual reveal your deep dark secrets, not lead with them.  

[Wiseman2]

28 minutes ago, Tommycfc1905 said:

 my LDR gf because she's been ghosting and ignoring me for weeks already. 

 i felt so nauseous(vomiting), stress eating/less eating, crying in random times etc.

Have you met in person? When is the last time you saw each other?

It's best to just delete and block her and all her people from ALL your social media and messaging apps so you can end the unhappiness.

It also sets you free to pursue viable local real-life relationships.

See a physician for an evaluation of the anxiety, nausea, vomiting, depression and overall assessment of your physical and mental health.

Get a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support.

 

[ExpatInItaly]

I'll echo the above questions - it's not clear if you two have met in person, or if you're currently even together. 

When situations are nebulous and vague like this, it means you need to move on. If you're struggling a lot, reach out to your doctor and look into counselling to help cope. 

[Tommycfc1905]

Since the breakup, me and my ex offered to be friends. I had no choice but to accept it, well i didnt want her to be completely out of my life that's why. She wouldn't reveal her feelings after our mutual split. We only talked once after the breakup and it was a positive and fun talk, i teased her abit. I'm trying to cut contact again because if i keep talking to her i would feel like i am permanently "friendzoned"  but i still have feelings for her, and my relationship was a LDR. She's been sending positively mixed signals to me like love-hearting my messages and send me few love emojis.

Do i have the chance? I promised her that i would see her if international borders are open. I still love her so much. She said she will waiting and be looking forward to meet each other.

Is there any good stories about exes being friends and start dating again? I know it's sound nearly impossible but i hope that really happens and i want to beat the odds.

Any questions, advices, criticism is appreciated.

[d0nnivain]

Being friends after dating is a misnomer.  It's not true friendship.  It's more like a pact to not have drama.

Friendship does not lead to romance.  

That said your problem seems to be that you haven't met due to the pandemic.  You can't expect loyalty under the circumstances.  Maybe you have a shot f you can ever manage to actually meet but for now you best date others.   The distance may not be something you can overcome.  

[CarmenDane]

It sounds to me like two people that are trying to make their own stand. Communication is so important and if you both can't get on the same page with respectful mature communication then either the disire is missing or you both are going about this wrong. Weeks is a long time. Is the committment there? Is the disire there. Try to view from the others point of view too. That can open our eyes to the whole picture.

[kendahke]

On 9/15/2021 at 7:19 AM, Tommycfc1905 said:

She said she will waiting and be looking forward to meet each other.

You two haven't met in person yet?

[ExpatInItaly]

11 hours ago, kendahke said:

You two haven't met in person yet?

That’s my question too

[Wiseman2]

On 9/15/2021 at 8:19 AM, Tommycfc1905 said:

. I'm trying to cut contact again because if i keep talking to her i would feel like i am permanently "friendzoned"  

That's exactly what's happening.

Yes, stay no contact. You don't want to stick around only to start hearing about her new BFs.

[fallenclouds]

Have you two met in person ? and were committed to each other ? If it’s the case, I think that LDR needs a great deal of communication to work. So if given the opportunity to talk to her, do it. Keep in mind though that she may not be in the right mood to listen to you since it seems to me that you already broke up. 
If it’s not the case, weeks of silence and blocking you sounds like an answer. If you cannot stand her « likes » and so one, you can block her to avoid any interaction. It will save you time and energy. It will be difficult at first but it will help you get over it (by yourself or with a professional help) if needed. 
 

 

[Caauug]

On 9/14/2021 at 4:50 PM, Tommycfc1905 said:

My guesses are i could be too avaliable, needy, having a negative mindset(i promised to her working on how to be happy) i even told her my trauma and bad experiences and she claims to understand

I suffer from trauma and past abuse. I grew up not being loved from parents ghosting from my life.

If you need to, seek professional help to deal with this.

For the most part, women (GF) wants a strong man. Strong in body and mind, someone that has direction, someone solid as a rock they can rely on. A man that is working on his 6 sixes...  Women want to hear or see what you can bring to them or bring them into.

A GF does not want you to have "Issues", they do not want to be your mother figure. Women want only their children to be dependents (and pets), not you.

Some things in a R don't need to be said. 

On 9/14/2021 at 4:50 PM, Tommycfc1905 said:

Should i blame myself?

Should i tell her how i feel so hurt? I feel clingy and desperate if i say but at the same time she needs to know.

No one needs to take the blame, it's part of life. Rejection happens, get use to it. She doesn't need to know what you are feeling, she likely doesn't care anyway. Closure doesn't achieve anything constructive.

It's time to work on yourself, get in shape and exercise. Eat healthy and kick any bad habits. If you are in school, concentrate on getting good grades. If you are done school, think about taking a course to upgrade your skills for your work place if possible. You have to look after you first.