Is it time to break up or am I giving up

[Maxine25]

I'm beyond stressed on what to do. 

Here's some back story. My boyfriend (22) and I (22) dated back in high school. We meet at a camp were we worked at over the summer. During the time we worked together we developed feeling for one another, the only problem is he lived 3.5 hours away from me. We didn't really think much of long distance relationships and the commitment it takes when we were 17/18. We talked to each other everyday, but almost never see each other due to the long distance and us still being teens under our family household. When I entered into college I moved another hour away from him. I had no idea what I was doing with my life at that time and asked for a break so I could sort stuff out. Well... during that break I met someone else. 

My boyfriend reach back out to me a few months later after I ask for a break, but I ended up just blocking his number since I was in a new relationship with a guy I meet in college. 

Skip 2 years later: 

My college boyfriend turn out to be one of my biggest regrets. He was abusive and kind of messed me up. I took some time off and got the help that I needed. I'm doing much better now and set my priorities to focused on myself. 

During 2019 winter break I was looking at the subscriptions page on snapchat and for some reason he pop into the feed. I click on it because I didn't recognized him right away and from what understand that click on to his story sent him a friend request. He accepted it a few days later. It took me a week or 2 to message him on snapchat after my friend and I had a chat about how I didn't like how I ended things with him. 

6 months go by with me and him hangout and see each other every month and to say we had a blast together was an understatement. He asked me out in May of 2020 and I was hesitant about accepting because my parent really don't like him to a point my dad makes it his mission to stop me from seeing him. I ask why they don't like him and they never really give me a good answer besides, he just weird and they have a bad feeling about him. 

This issue creates large conflict with me and my parents to a point I'm lying by saying he's just and friend and we aren't dating. So when COVID kept everyone at home I had to ask my friend if I could use her place to hangout because it basically a half way point for both me and him. Almost all the time when I say I'm going to my friend's house I'm going to see him. I'm sneaking around and that makes my dad upset and furthers his opinion that my boyfriend is a bad influence. 

When the fall 2020 and spring 2021 school came around I went back to college, and that helped things since I had the freedom to invite whoever over without my parents knowledge. Spring of 2021 was my last semester at college and I graduated with my bachelors.  My plan was to continue into grad school, but I wasn't accepted. I had to readjust my life course and I ended up applying for a research position at a highly esteemed hospital. The application process took 3 months, and during those 3 months I lived at my parents which means I couldn't see my boyfriend without my parents knowing. 

A lot of people might argue that I'm an adult and they can't stop me. Yes, that's true, but I can't stand my parents being upset or disappointed in me. I will always chose my family, no matter what. They've done so much for me. 

When I got offered the job I was overjoyed. The job is about an hour way from my house and college (right in the middle). I moved in with my brother who lives in the city with his girlfriend.  At this time with the whole being unemployed for 3 months and moving expensive, I don't got extra cash to do stuff or go anywhere. I've been laying low to say the least. 

My boyfriend on the other hand decided  that he want to buy a house in his hometown... just because his dog is too loud to be in an apartment (he's been living with his parents after he got his trade job certification, but his parents are moving into a new house which prompted my boyfriend into moving out.) I'm not on board with his decision to buy a house in his hometown. I didn't think he realize how big this was and I told him that there isn't jobs for me up where he lives. Though I kept my mouth shut because I didn't want to stop him. He seem really excited at the prospect of owning a house. 

My goal has always been to work at the hospital I'm working at now. It's a great place to work and the benefits are amazing, to a point that my work could pay off my student debt and help pay for further education. I'm not leaving this job.  

A week ago he told me that he made an offer on a house and asked why I didn't seem excited about it. I told him out front that I didn't agree on buying a house because if he bought it he'll have to stay in his hometown 4 hours away for 5 years and I don't think I want to do a long distance relationship for 5 years. 

After I said that things have been stagnant between us. 

I really don't talk to him much now that I'm working and doing everyday things. I question to myself if this is really a relationship. We haven't been intimate in for more than 6 month and we barely see each other. 

He called me the other day and said he could get out of the house deal and I told him I didn't want him to do that if it something he wants. He told me that he wants to be with me, but I don't know if this relationship is going to work. I'm happy he's pick me, but I don't know what the future holds. If he moves down to me, I'm not sure if I'm going to stay in this city  or if I'm going to go off and continue my education somewhere else. I might end up living in another state for 2 years or I might end up stay here. I just don't know what the future holds and I don't want another person in my life as I try to navigate it myself. 

I feel like breaking up is the best option, but he doesn't want to break up.

I just don't know what to do everything is saying the best route is breaking up,  due to my parents dislike and my unsure future. However, my boyfriend his willing to do anything to stay with me.  

 

 

[ExpatInItaly]

5 hours ago, Maxine25 said:

We haven't been intimate in for more than 6 month and we barely see each other.

Why is this happening? 

 

5 hours ago, Maxine25 said:

I feel like breaking up is the best option, but he doesn't want to break up.

Then you already know what to do. It seems your heart is really not in this relationship anymore. As much he will be hurt, you also don't need your boyfriend's approval to end this. I completely understand why you don't want to cause him pain, but it's also not a good idea to remain in a relationship just to appease someone else. 

Do the kind and respectful thing, and let him go. You two are already very clearly growing apart and life is taking you in different directions. 

6 hours ago, Maxine25 said:

I can't stand my parents being upset or disappointed in me. I will always chose my family, no matter what.

Keep in mind that as you get older, this might not be the healthiest approach either. Family doesn't always know best, and sometimes we need to stand on our own feet and make the best choices for us, even if it's not what our parents want.