Online fwb confusion

[Bex78]

Hi all thanks for reading.

ive been having an online fwb affair for 6 months. It’s been easy up until a couple of weeks ago. 
He suddenly disappeared for 6 days, completely deleted his Snapchat account. When he came back, the first thing he said was that he’s addicted to me. That he had to disappear because this was too distracting. That when he was away, all he could think of was me and that he was lonely without me. He also wanted to know how I saw our situation panning out. Now I became completely confused at this point, I’ve never seen this as anything other than what it was. Looking back on it, he’s said many things such as I miss you, I’ve missed your voice, even told me once that he was in full pursuit of me. But I just attributed those as words because well, we needed to get what we needed from eachother. I know he has other women on his account, none that he deals with more than me so why would he say such things to me? He doesn’t need to say anything because we’ve had a great fwb relationship, so it’s not like he needs to say anything to get what he needs. I’m honestly so confused. 
any opinions would be greatly received 

 

[denwickdroylsden]

I found that maintaining an fwb relationship without catching the feels was much easier said than done.  Especially when the physical intimacy became more and more intense.  Then after it all blew up I am left without the AP but still with the feels, a painful place to be.

[NYAG]

3 hours ago, Bex78 said:

Hi all thanks for reading.

ive been having an online fwb affair for 6 months. It’s been easy up until a couple of weeks ago. 
He suddenly disappeared for 6 days, completely deleted his Snapchat account. When he came back, the first thing he said was that he’s addicted to me. That he had to disappear because this was too distracting. That when he was away, all he could think of was me and that he was lonely without me. He also wanted to know how I saw our situation panning out. Now I became completely confused at this point, I’ve never seen this as anything other than what it was. Looking back on it, he’s said many things such as I miss you, I’ve missed your voice, even told me once that he was in full pursuit of me. But I just attributed those as words because well, we needed to get what we needed from eachother. I know he has other women on his account, none that he deals with more than me so why would he say such things to me? He doesn’t need to say anything because we’ve had a great fwb relationship, so it’s not like he needs to say anything to get what he needs. I’m honestly so confused. 
any opinions would be greatly received 

 

You can never tell where these things will end up. I've been in affairs where he's said 'I miss you' but it never got that deep or complicated and when it was over it was over. It's tricky. I've never had a situation where I fell in love with someone I was casually dating and never had to deal with being on the receiving end of it. I don't know that deleted social media accounts and giving you no real explanation until ages afterwards is really the way to handle it. Is he young because he sounds like a bit of a drama queen? I don't know I could deal with all that emotion to be honest and it sounds like it could turn into a bit of a hassle.

[Bex78]

1 hour ago, NYAG said:

You can never tell where these things will end up. I've been in affairs where he's said 'I miss you' but it never got that deep or complicated and when it was over it was over. It's tricky. I've never had a situation where I fell in love with someone I was casually dating and never had to deal with being on the receiving end of it. I don't know that deleted social media accounts and giving you no real explanation until ages afterwards is really the way to handle it. Is he young because he sounds like a bit of a drama queen? I don't know I could deal with all that emotion to be honest and it sounds like it could turn into a bit of a hassle.

He’s 30, I’m 43. And believe me, I’m stunned by the level of emotion. Or what I perceive to be emotion. I’ve offered to talk it through with him, like, I’ll hear him and we can discuss it because his reaction by disappearing isn’t the way to deal with this. But he’s shut down on me again, says the odd thing about it then disappears for a couple of days at a time. So your right, could just be a drama queen.. but it’s the first bit of drama I’ve had out of him for 6 months and I’ve no idea where it’s come from. 

[NYAG]

15 hours ago, Bex78 said:

He’s 30, I’m 43. And believe me, I’m stunned by the level of emotion. Or what I perceive to be emotion. I’ve offered to talk it through with him, like, I’ll hear him and we can discuss it because his reaction by disappearing isn’t the way to deal with this. But he’s shut down on me again, says the odd thing about it then disappears for a couple of days at a time. So your right, could just be a drama queen.. but it’s the first bit of drama I’ve had out of him for 6 months and I’ve no idea where it’s come from. 

He's behaving like an attention seeking child - your hint there is that he is 30. This will never end. I would dump him before he becomes your stalker.

[Wiseman2]

17 hours ago, Bex78 said:

 his reaction by disappearing isn’t the way to deal with this. But he’s shut down on me again, says the odd thing about it then disappears for a couple of days at a time. 

If FWB arrangements don't work for you, don't pursue it.

You're trying to have relationship talks with someone you claim is just for casual sex.

Are either of you in other relationships?

[Bex78]

4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

If FWB arrangements don't work for you, don't pursue it.

You're trying to have relationship talks with someone you claim is just for casual sex.

Are either of you in other relationships?

It’s worked perfectly for me for 6 months. He turned this around by what he said. I’m not trying to pursue it, I’m trying to understand his thinking. I’m well aware that it cannot continue if he’s too into it. But at the same time, I’m not going to just disappear on him, I’m not cold hearted. I would prefer a conversation about it, like adults. There’s no physical intimacy here, it’s all over a phone. 
He is married, I’m in a relationship. 

[Wiseman2]

19 minutes ago, Bex78 said:

  He is married, I’m in a relationship. 

Ok. Then it's clear why he has to disappear. He has to be with his wife and family.

This isn't FWB, it's an affair. He has zero interest in building anything with you.

Why would he? Aside from random trysts with you, he has an entire life that doesn't involve you.

Stop chasing married men. It's that simple. It's the surest route to the headaches and heartaches you're experiencing.

What's up with your relationship that you have to step outside rather than just end it?

Edited September 18, 2021 by Wiseman2

[Zona]

4 hours ago, Bex78 said:

He is married, I’m in a relationship. 

I'm that case, the question is why are you engaging in such behavior if you are already in a relationship? Affairs can bring out the worst in people in terms of poor judgement, limerence, obsession, bunny boiling, etc.

If your partner is not meeting your needs, do the right thing and break up, then go have all the fun you want. If you can only have fun when you are actively betraying someone, then you might want to find a counsellor/therapist because that could be a sign of deeper issues.

 

 

[stillafool]

22 hours ago, Bex78 said:

I’ll hear him and we can discuss it because his reaction by disappearing isn’t the way to deal with this.

If he's no longer comfortable with the affair he can deal with ending it anyway he wants including disappearing.  

 

On 9/17/2021 at 6:23 AM, Bex78 said:

That he had to disappear because this was too distracting.

He already told you the reason he's ending it so more discussion isn't necessary.  You were FWBs not in a relationship.  

[glows]

On 9/17/2021 at 3:23 AM, Bex78 said:

 He suddenly disappeared for 6 days, completely deleted his Snapchat account. When he came back, the first thing he said was that he’s addicted to me. That he had to disappear because this was too distracting. That when he was away, all he could think of was me and that he was lonely without me. He also wanted to know how I saw our situation panning out. Now I became completely confused at this point, I’ve never seen this as anything other than what it was. Looking back on it, he’s said many things such as I miss you, I’ve missed your voice, even told me once that he was in full pursuit of me. 

He pulled you in with words. Don't you think these lines are easy for him? It's his MO. In my opinion, there's nothing unusual about what he's saying and he's playing a role with you. Disappearing for six days could have been for anything - arrested, a drug bender, birth of a new child, illness in family or spouse, dealing with private issues or other circumstances. Whatever he says is as slick as oil and can't be trusted. If you want to play with fire treat it as that but don't trust it as truth. 

[mark clemson]

Sounds like he "caught feels" but as you only wanted a FWB situation and he presumably wanted the same thing (rationally and initially at least) he decided it was a bad idea to continue. His emotions got the better of him and he toyed with the idea of being with you "fully", but he probably (rationally) doesn't want to actually end his marriage. He may be genuinely conflicted about it at this point, but practical matters often overrule sentiment in life. So he's getting out of Dodge.